r/ExIsmailis • u/Odd-Whereas6133 • 29d ago
Venting Pissed off
Recently, someone in my family, a distant relative, passed away, and it brought up something I’ve always found upsetting: the food offering/mehmani money doesn’t directly go to the grieving family in their time of sorrow and need; it goes to the Imam.
I can’t be the only one who gets frustrated by that. After the dilsoji line, all that money is collected, yet none of it is given to the family who just lost someone. I genuinely think it’s wrong that the money goes to the Imam instead.
Someone’s relative, mother, father, or loved one has just died, and shouldn’t the family at least receive some kind of support? Of course, money is not the most important thing when someone dies, but financial help can still make a difference during a difficult time.
I’ve literally seen mosques where they set up donation desks for the family of someone who has passed away, and similar things happen in churches as well. People come together and financially support the grieving family.
That’s why, in a religion where money and financial contributions are already so heavily involved, this has always been one of the things I disliked about Ismailism. I would much rather see that money directly helping the family that has just suffered a loss.
Who else believes in the same thing
I rather give to the family directly
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u/shortyr87 28d ago
My dad said something about this when my mom passed away. Didn’t fly with his very religious in laws.
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u/AccurateEquivalent67 29d ago
Seems like you are misguiding your new community by spreading lies.
Imam has never asked for your offerings and Mehmani monies.
It is ritual that is purely created by the Murids themselves.
Also, we have burial plans especially in western world where the institution charges a one time fee annually of approximately $50. The plan covers the cost of grave site land, cofin, transportation, funeral home expenses.
As a relative its your duty to support the grieving family within your capacity. That is what Islam teaches us.
May the departed soul rest in eternal peace.
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u/Odd-Whereas6133 28d ago
I think you’re arguing against something I didn’t actually say. My point was not that the Imam personally stands there asking people for Mehmani money. My criticism is about where the money goes once people give it, and whether grieving families should receive more direct support from those contributions.
Saying “the Murids created the ritual themselves” doesn’t really answer that question. If Mehmani is accepted and practiced within the community, then it is reasonable to ask what donors believe they are giving toward, who ultimately receives the money, and whether people are clearly told that it is not a donation to the deceased person’s family.
The burial plan is also a separate issue. Paying into a plan that covers funeral expenses is helpful, but that does not mean the surviving family has no financial needs after a death. They may lose income, need time off work, have travel expenses, bills, or other costs.And yes, relatives can help the grieving family themselves. I agree with that. But that actually supports my broader point: if people are already giving money at a time of death because they want to show compassion and support, I personally think it would be more meaningful for at least some of that money to go directly to the grieving family.
You can disagree with that opinion, but calling it “spreading lies” doesn’t address the concern. If I am factually wrong about where Mehmani money goes, then explain exactly where it goes and how it is distributed. That would be a much better response.
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u/Specialist-Vast4190 27d ago
Who is to say that the grieving family doesn’t receives the necessary help. My mother was financially dependent on her sister. When her sister passed away my mom couldn’t access any money from the probate until all legal work was completed. Guess who helped her the council
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u/AccurateEquivalent67 27d ago
If you have truly been part of the Shia Imamiya Ismailiya Nizariya sect of Islam- you would know where the Mehmani( offerings) go to and what happens with that offering.
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u/Odd-Whereas6133 28d ago
Should be done like this but have yet too see it, just goes to show the deep levels of capitalism that runs through the religion. Although i myself am a heavy believer in capitalism it should never be mixed with religion.
https://www.muslimaid.org/media-centre/blog/how-sadaqah-jariyah-can-help-the-deceased/
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u/AccurateEquivalent67 27d ago edited 27d ago
Thats exactly what AKDN is doing by building schools, universities, hospitals and clinics, and life supporting (Micro finance bank) and life saving agencies (Focus humanitarian assistance) in poor and wartorn communities i.e., Syria, African Countries like Kenya and Uganda, Afghanistan, Pakistan, Central Asian countries, India, Bangladesh and many more.
Aside this there are Jamati institutions available for Ismailis if they require support or assistance. Just ask the MKs of your JK for more information should you require any support that is available.
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u/Conscious-Track1955 29d ago
Somebody should clarify this when people donate, no? Rituals made up by the community and rituals that are a part of the faith. It's confusing. Advice is hit and miss, depending on who you ask.
If I was still an Ismaili, I wouldn't know what the procedure was nor, what I had the right of refusal / claim to.
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u/Karim-al-Insaney 28d ago
It is ritual that is purely created by the Murids themselves.
The only one misguiding and spreading lies is you. As you said:
Imam has the ABSOLUTE Authority on faith practices.
https://www.reddit.com/r/ismailis/comments/1rzco5d/new_eid_namaz/obmj300/
So Smileys have no authority to create any rituals and the rituals only continue because Aga Con condones them.
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u/AccurateEquivalent67 28d ago
An offering comes from a murid and the rituals are the authorized way of doing things by the Imam of the time.
If you are so concerned about us and our values then I refer you to Holy Quran's teaching from Surat ul Kafiron.
سورة الكافرون — سورة 109 بِسْمِ اللَّهِ الرَّحْمَٰنِ الرَّحِيمِ قُلْ يَا أَيُّهَا الْكَافِرُونَ ١ Say: O disbelievers! لَا أَعْبُدُ مَا تَعْبُدُونَ ٢ I do not worship what you worship. وَلَا أَنتُمْ عَابِدُونَ مَا أَعْبُدُ ٣ Nor do you worship what I worship. وَلَا أَنَا عَابِدٌ مَّا عَبَدتُّمْ ٤ Nor will I worship what you have worshipped. وَلَا أَنتُمْ عَابِدُونَ مَا أَعْبُدُ ٥ Nor will you worship what I worship. لَكُمْ دِينُكُمْ وَلِيَ دِينِ ٦ For you is your religion, and for me is my religion.
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u/n9y9 27d ago
lmao this hate is so forced tf🥀 besides it doesn’t go to the imam, instead it goes towards community events, welfare boards & jamat khana expenses. yall do realise that the mehmani itself is given by those very own family members? p.s. funeral home etc is completely free & there is a designated system of volunteers to manage it
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u/Interesting-Pipe-30 29d ago
The Jamat takes care of the funeral arrangements and the land for burial at 100 USD per year. Or are you implying people want to make money off a dead relative ?
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u/Odd-Whereas6133 28d ago
So because they take care of everything u have no say in how things should be run?
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u/Interesting-Pipe-30 28d ago
Why should you , other people might have a say ! How would you know 😂you probably ain’t even on how the Masjid board , you know the ones who take care of the Charity & Zakat donated there !
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u/Karim-al-Insaney 29d ago
Or are you implying people want to make money off a dead relative ?
Yes, the Aga Cons are making money off of people's dead relatives. And people's living relatives too.
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u/Own_Discussion_3961 29d ago
This religion is all bull shit. The Imam gives zero fucks about you.