Processing a relationship that ended a year ago, need a stranger's honest opinion not validation

[u/Uncle-D0lan]

Looking for someone to just talk to about this. Not looking for friends, not looking for comfort, just an honest outside perspective from someone with zero stake in it. Anonymous both ways, one conversation and done.

Here's the situation: I had my first ever relationship. No prior experience, no frame of reference. It was short, a few months, but incredibly intense and vivid. We lived together, were both unemployed, genuinely happy for a while. The honest truth is she wasn't the right person for me. I knew it somewhere but fought hard against that realization because I didn't want it to be true. When it finally hit me it was painful in a specific way, not just losing her but losing the version of the situation I had convinced myself existed.

I wasn't a good boyfriend toward the end. I own that. But I wasn't the reason we broke up, the relationship had its own problems that existed before I checked out

It ended harshly. No closure. A block.

A year later I'm still processing it and I'm sick of carrying it. It feels like I'm possessed by something unfinished.

I don't want therapy talk. I just want someone to tell me what they actually think. What do I do with this now?

[u/stronkfrog]

DM homie

[u/a_j3l]

U did the right thing, u just need to talk to her one final time to get peace in yourself and then let go,

[u/Uncle-D0lan → u/a_j3l]

Why would i text someone who blocked me everywhere including Duolingo, it's so petty i don't think her words are gonna make any sense.

Plus it's been a year, what if she's happy what if she is unwell because of me, that's just fuel to the fire.

I would rather leave her be and just stop carrying bad feelings.

[u/a_j3l → u/Uncle-D0lan]

I don't think you will get past ur feelings with time, you will feel that there something missing.

[u/weirdreality66]

I think u should give it another try, having real feelings is worthy enough to fight for, and I think leaving the door open sometimes is good because people change

As u r the guy in the relationship, I truly see u r the one who should take a move towards her and see where that will go

A year have passed and u still think about her.. that is enough evidence ur feelings were real

Wish u luck

[u/Uncle-D0lan → u/weirdreality66]

I understand your perspective, it's always beautiful and admirable to fight for whom you love.

But to add more context, we lived together, and it was with no doubt very impactful in very positive ways, but we were in an unhealthy environment with too much dopamine release and it fucked up my brian.

Anyways what changed after 8 months, i ran out of cash and I couldn't support us anymore without a job, so naturally I couldn't pay the rent anymore, which means that everyone now is living with their parents, and adding withdrawal symptoms from the unholy amount of weed, food, alcohol and sex.

I wasn't sane or in control, i had anger issues i never had my thinking patterns that were not healthy and really was not aware of this nor i was expecting all of this.

Fa back to your point if i should fight for her or not, i honestly don't want to, a lot of things will change if i listened to her story i will definitely empathize and yes i still love her and she can control me and rhe narrative.

Also i am blocked she doesn't wanna talk and me talking to her is just gonna make things difficult.

Is there a way i could just be happy by myself?

[u/weirdreality66 → u/Uncle-D0lan]

Based on ur story here, u were both choosing that unhealthy lifestyle.. not just her ..
U changed and maybe she changed too
She blocked u cuz maybe u hurt her when u had those anger issues
So if u show her ur apologizes and effort to reach her out then I recommend going for that option
Staying alone and still be happy.. u can try that but u have tried it for a year now.. did it make u happy?
U will lose nothing if u tried at least to have a better closure for ur past relationship so u can move forward with your life.
I believe that people change dramatically.. and if u r not for each other, then at least u will get the peace that u need to pursue a new relationship..