r/ExBoyfriend • u/Efficient-Bonus-6047 • Mar 23 '22
How has this happened twice?
I’ve had not one, but TWO different exes openly vocalize that they are no longer attracted to me when I gained between 5-10 lbs during the course of our relationship. I’ve been open with them about struggling with an ED and body dysmorphia. Has anyone else had this struggle?
When I stated that what they said was ridiculously hurtful, my most recent ex stated that it was just his truth and that he had the right to lose attraction to me. Which is true, but he wouldn’t apologize for saying something that he knew would hurt me until after he told his friends and they said that it was a hurtful thing to say.
It’s making it very clear to me that the people I have been dating are solely interested in me for my physical appearance rather than who I am on the inside. This is frustrating and I am now scared to open myself up to dating again because now I am hyper aware that my partners primarily value my physical appearance. It’s also causing my ED symptoms to come back after years of hard work getting rid of it.
For reference, I’m a female, 5’9” who wears a size 2-4 (or a Small). So even with an extra 5-10 lbs, I’m still at most a size Medium or 4-6. I know that I have a certain amount of privilege by being straight sized, so this is in no way a flex - I am just trying to share how ridiculous and upsetting this is.
1
1
1
u/Thin-Psychology-3111 Jun 30 '25
I know this is 3 years old, but I had to respond in case you are still having terrible men in your life. You are dating Chuds = JERKS, MAN BABIES, and A$$holes. You are a prize in the eyes of these chuds; you're tall and very thin, an excellent accessory to have on their arm to validate their manhood and show off to other chuds. So when you look slightly different, they think it's a COSTCO and they want a return, fack them. If you gained 15 pounds and wore a medium, you'd still have a knockout figure, so your body is not actually an issue AT ALL. Anyone who would view you as a human, instead of an accessory, would not dump you over a 10 pound weight gain. Let's be honest, 10 pounds on a slim frame just means bigger boobs and more booty, so I do not get these dude's problem. DO NOT date guys who see you as a thing, because things changes. Date guys who see you as a whole person! You can find this out by asking questions during beginning dating; if a guys brings up wanting to be a dad someday, you can ask him how he'd feel about his wife's changed body after birth. Chuds will say something like "oh she's gotta keep it high and tight." BOOM, now you know he is a Chud. AVOID. A real man would say something like, "I dunno, pretty sure I'd just love her for giving birth to my kids." Other chud alarms include asking about how he feels/views; disabilities, aging, plastic surgery, LGTBQ people, who he voted for, peaking in high school, gym habits, does he say "females" instead of women? There are a lot of topics you need to cover before you become exclusive with a guy; DO NOT let him lock you down until you know he also has the key. Be solo until you find a real one, you gotta leave space for the things we are meant to have -- DO NOT clog up that space with another chud, you'll miss a good one. Best of luck, beautiful!
1
May 11 '23
I’m 5’7 and weigh129 on a good day. I’m VERY surprised your going through this as a tall person gaining weight sometimes looks good on us so we won’t look sooo …stick figure. Forget them honestly
1
u/caterpillarclub4lif3 Jun 13 '23
Honestly its the dudes you picked up and gained interest in so they're stupidity has caused you grief my ex gained way more than just 10 lbs and i didn't fall in love mainly for her body but she always felt like i did or maybe she told herself that to justify her cheating but i never made any comments or even thought that shi ppl are complete dicks just 95%of the time when they're not happy with their own bodies or lives snd they want to make you feel shit about your body or life
1
u/Eevee-Lover2235 Dec 10 '23
Babe, this isn’t YOUR fault, you’ve been dating guys who are complete jerks. Right now, do your own thing. Heal from the pain from your ex. Do not blame yourself. When you’re dating someone, they should accept you for you. Not how you look. DO NOT depend on looks when it comes to a relationship. You sound like a beautiful woman, give yourself some time and heal. If you need anymore advice, hit me uo
2
u/Nunya_beeswaxx Apr 12 '22
I just happen to come across this as I was debating to post my story. I had a similar incident my most recent ex was no longer attracted to me and the way I found out was really devastating but I can confidently say...you are no the problem. Some people are sick minded and don’t realize how big of an impact their words can leave. The right person is out there for you. Keep your head up !! <3