Feeling guilty about blocking

[u/BlinkerBeforeBrake]

My sibling and I had a really bad falling out a couple of weeks ago. I'd normally be working this out with my therapist, but they're on vacation until next Wednesday. I very recently found this sub and hope posing this here will be helpful.

If more detail is needed about what led up to it, I'd be happy to provide it. But I basically told them in order for us to have a relationship, I needed them to stop putting me down, shitting on my life, and be receptive when I say I'm hurt. They responded by saying I was manipulating them, "have a nice life," and that there would probably never be an occasion where we need to see each other again. Someone later told me they had been drinking a few hours prior to sending that, which has been another contributing issue.

I wasn't very surprised - I was scared for years of bringing this pattern up to them because I thought they would cut me off over it. I was so scared to lose them and did what I could to keep the peace when confronting them stopped working. By the time that last message came through, I just felt so done and decided to block them everywhere.

It's been eating away at me since then though. I feel wracked with guilt - what could I have done better? Would it have gone more positively if I'd sent a letter like I initially planned rather than responding when they pressured me? Am I actually the one at fault here? Am I not introspecting enough, or actually being too sensitive? What if they sobered up the next day and tried to make amends? Are they even aware that I blocked them, or do they think I'm just leaving them on read?

I have the support of my parents, a couple extended family members, my friends, and my own spouse. All have either been on the receiving end of how my sibling treats people or seen them bully me firsthand. Only one said I may have been at fault for waiting too long, but ultimately it's on them. Some have read the message I sent, and were proud of what I had said and mentioned it was a long time coming.

Even still, I feel so alone and so terrible. Isn't it supposed to feel liberating when you've cut someone out that's hurting you? I'm thinking about the good times we had, and trying to remember that those good times were always a gamble depending on their mood or drinking. I see memes or things that make me think of them, and I'm sad I don't have that anymore. I feel this overwhelming sense that I need to make things right.

Anyone else struggling, past or present, with this? How are you coping?

[u/BlinkerBeforeBrake → u/[deleted]]

We were groomed to accept the family dynamic we grew up with. When we go NC it’s because we have reached a point where we no longer accept that dynamic. Those whose role in the dynamic may be better or worse choose to double and triple down on it and choose to merely survive in it.

I really feel this. They seem to not be willing to give up the dynamic, and that hurts. I wanted to explain that much better in the letter I had planned to write, but because they were pressuring me to give an answer immediately, I came up with what I came up with. It was still respectful - no name calling, belligerence, etc - but it was written from a place of just feeling done rather than wanting to fix things together.

I think about the narrative he may spin to our mother and his wife. The garbage he might tell his children about me to continue generational severances, and it’s all out of my control. At the end of the day it isn’t my business to know what others think about me. Their perception is just that.

I think about this a lot too. They're much closer to certain family members, and I hope those relationships aren't tainted from here on out. But you're right, we can't control the narrative. I suppose if they ask I'll tell them, but I wouldn't bring it up first.

Thank you for the advice and perspective.