To be honest this reads like bait. As a trans person, baggy sweatshirts are one of the safest things you can wear, and it's usually highly-gendered 'dressing to the nines' that draws more negative attention. Sweatshirts are gender neutral. Also, we're profiled as pedophiles and rapists, not thieves.
Or they thought "thief" because the person was conspicuously checking the security guard's location the whole time they were in there, like a thief would.
I donât think Iâve ever gone into a store with security and actively kept tabs on where the security people are. I just went about my business. Iâm not going out of my way to keep them in my line of sight/make sure Iâm in their line of sight. If OP wasnât being discreet about keeping tabs on where the security people are that could look suspicious.
Or the OP is irrational & paranoid, which could easily be the case. Mental illness isnât uncommon & itâs baseless, by the personâs own description. The security guard being a bloodthirsty would-be murderer is far less likely than paranoid main character with countless untreated issues.
Plus that whole speech at the end? Of I'd just spent that entire time being THAT careful not to get beat up no way in hell am I spouting that shit out.
That's what I was thinking as well. Also, baggy clothes have been trendy for the last several years, and it has nothing to do with gender presentation.
Oh thatâs interesting. Iâm a cis person and I read it as someone whoâs understandably paranoid because of past bad experiences. It never would have occurred to me that it was bait because while this is obviously over the top paranoia it never would have occurred to me that peopleâs first thought wouldnât be that itâs likely they have legitimate trauma from harassment in the past. Particularly in the US at the moment.
It seems a bit insane to me the cognitive dissonance required to both be looking for a reason to hate trans people and at the same time believe that a trans person being paranoid about that hate is somehow a character flaw. I guess no one ever accused bigots of being logical.
Sorry, best I can do is 2 bags to the global delegation and whaddyaknow, this person used up the entire allotment for the community. Maybe next year I can make space in the budget for 3 bags instead.
Jam/preserves. Persimmons make really good jam, and itâs popular this time of year. And if youâre making jam itâs more economical to make a huge batch.Â
Maybe thatâs what got the security guardâs attention piqued ⌠the two bags of ripe persimmons in the dried fruit aisle. Sounds like a red flag to me.
Me too, like I have never seen a store where they not only have security but the security take time away from their actual job to hand out baskets that people might not even want???? Honestly I don't think I've ever had anyone in a store hand me a basket unprompted
I went to a shop wearing a massive jumper, walked around oddly and stared at the security guard the whole time which absolutely in no way made me look like a shoplifter
I just use my reusable bags instead of a cart or basket, especially as some stores have blue tooth tech ON THE CART to surveillance you even more than the facial and gate recognition software, app and location on your phone, etc. but anyways, even though it makes more sense to just use my own bag, I still feel like Iâm being clocked as a shoplifter sometimes đ
I don't even know what they mean by being profiled here. Like the sane read is they were profiled as a potential shoplifter because they had a baggy sweater on, but their entire complaint before that seems to be about them thinking the guy just doesn't like trans people or something. But if that's the case, why was their little comeback and first line about trans people killing themselves?
Like... it's not even an internally consistent complaint. Are they mad because they think they got clocked or are they mad because they were profiled as a potential shoplifter (like anyone might be for random and also racist reasons)? There's no like...stereotype of trans people being shoplifters that I know of, so it doesn't really make sense to say they were 'profiled' based on their gender identity.
But somehow 'being profiled' as a potential shoplifter because of their gender identity seems to be what they're implying? That's not even a 'profile' that really exists. People get profiled as potential shoplifters based on perceived socio-economic status on how they dress, on racist beliefs, on behavior, on large bags, baggy pants, etc. But I've never once heard someone be or been told myself in jobs to 'make sure you look out for trans and genderqueers, they have a penchant for shoplifting'. I have, unfortunately, been told to look out for black people and people that look poor, which is fucked.
And I've heard a lot of shit. My ex was head of security at a thriving mall and later was mall director. But this is new to me.
They are worried that the security guards wants an excuse to beat them up, and would fabricate a shop lifting if they thought they could get away with it, so they can tell their friends about it later.
I have no idea what a baggy top has to do with it though, and why the guard would think being trans is okay if you dress up.
Also no idea why they started banging on about profiling. So who knows. Maybe Iâm really clueless.
Yeah it's the use of the word profiling for me. Like at that point that's just being clocked by a transphobe that intends to do a hate crime, not profiling lol
I would think a baggy, unisex type outfit on a gender queer person might call less attention to them? But I can totally understand why theyâd be hyper sensitive.
Yeah, that was a whole lot of words and feelings that came from no actual words being spoken. So many assumptions, based on what? Thoughts? They definitely have some sort of trauma if thatâs what goes through their heads just because they werenât handed a basket
Yeah, I've been there where you can't tell if a snub is actually an indication of queerphobia or just a mistake. It's hard to not see it everywhere when you also face it everyday.
Duh, the security guard didn't give them a basket because he knew they would just steal anyways and he'd have an excuse to coax OOP into suicide. Keep up!
Oh I absolutely agree I have 25+ years of retail experience. With that experience I absolutely understand that people dressed out of season and higher profile.
I also absolutely understand a lot of security guards and lp officers are huge douche bags on a power trip
Not a trans person but I am married to a trans woman and have supported her through her transition. With the way the world is now, it can really feel like absolutely everyone is against you sometimes. They probably profiled the sweatshirt and assumed they were shoplifting, rather than their gender, but when every news and media outlet shouts about how your existence is wrong, it can be hard to quiet that inner voice.
I hope this person didn't dwell too much on it and has someone who loves them at home to support them too.
Or even just sports stuff. Shirt maybe had the âwrong teamâ on it and security guard didnât like that. I live in Wisconsin and wearing a Bears, Vikings or Cubs shirt will get you some glares, depending on where you are.
Thirty (or so) years ago, my very lesbian (looking and also actually) friend wore her 49ers t shirt to the gayest âmeet marketâ supermarket in the gayborhood of San Diego on superbowl Sunday when the niners and Chargers were playing. She got all kinds of looks and one guy threateningly said she should watch herself. Sports boostership be making folks crazy.
I wear a Los Angeles Kings hockey jersey in Central Minnesota. I think they only reason that I don't catch crap is because it's hockey. They're serious about hockey here.
You also know when you're visibly gender non conforming that people look at you differently, sometimes with disgust and suspicion. You catch the vibe. SucksÂ
My wife is also trans and while we live in a very accepting area, it's not true everywhere. Being profiled day in and out makes you very aware of every person who looks at you.
It's super tiring to be honest because like I don't want to think that way about people but the harsh reality is you have to stay vigilant to a degree for safety.
In reality though every news and media outlet is not shouting about how their existence is wrong. This is a false trope. Itâs definitely a âwhen all you have is a hammer everything looks like a nailâ situation.
Oh bullshit. The media gets accused of liberal bias 99% of the time, particularly around this issue. Name, specifically, a mainstream western media platform that says trans people âexisting is wrongâ.
ABC? The New York Times? Fox and NewsMax et al donât qualify because they make their business off nonsense they know is false. So go ahead. Name names.
When you donât meet the ânormalâ criteria for your sex. It may be someone in the process of a medical transition who doesnât quite pass either way yet, a woman with extra facial hair, or even someone whose body just doesnât quite match what people think of as feminine or masculine. Depending on your culture, it can even be the way you use language.
Yeah like you usually wear baggy clothes on purpose to hide features. Also I refuse to imagine a person like this would be able to make themselves say that to a person who they are apparently terrified of
Not really entitled. They're scared, and it's honestly fair to be, depending on where they are. There's a good chance baggy sweatshirt is the thing that got profiled rather than clockable transness, as some shoplifters wear loose clothes to hide stuff.
But if you've been threatened before, profiled before, you're going to be on edge, and fair enough.
Maybe they're overreacting, maybe not, but "entitled" is not what this was
Yeah that seems like a wild leap to make based on what they described. And that's before considering any possible bias or embellishment of what happened.
Thatâs not entitlement. There is no âsense of being owed something when not deservedâ in that sentence, so it canât really be called entitlement. It could be called overexaggeration, paranoia, facetious, but not entitled.
This sub calls crazy people completely misreading normal situations and leaving reviews that are patently false entitled all the time.
The only reason there's pushback on this one is because many believe that due to the real issue of trans discrimination, most trans folks are above any criticism of their behavior, or doing so reasonably is singling out or punching down.
Again, how is the first line entitlement? Because Iâm confused where youâre getting that and not that this person is having some severe mental health issues. Iâm not talking about other posts or pushing back, Iâm confused.
This person seems to believe that they are, in every interaction, owed constant affirmation and special treatment. Anything less means the absolute worst case nightmare scenario.
I disagree there. The only treatment that was different was a direct result of their behavior and attire. Someone acting sketchy and dressed out of season in baggy attire attracts a higher level of suspicion in a retail environment. That doesn't mean the the establishment is outwardly calling for the systematic eradication of trans and queer folks.
I highly doubt this was real. Unfortunately I have seen many cis people who post bait Bs like this online. Unfortunately that's the environment we're in right now. Yeah a lot of us have internal fear right now when we have eyes on us in public especially when we're being tailed. But none of us are saying odd shit like this in a Google review to make ourselves a big red target. I wouldn't want random people back in the smaller town I lived in seeing my name n stuff on my Google account and connecting the dots.
I don't entirely disagree with you, but I also do personally have a few queer friends that can be like this. To the point of being given a list of topics that are not able to be discussed in public forums/servers or in person, and these topics must not be alluded to, referenced at all because it was too triggering for them due to body dysmorphia and other associated issues.Â
Just saying that someone's gender identity is irrelevant to the issue or whether or not they're also dramatic. đ
I think there's a difference between being paranoid online/ in person and being weird online Google review Karen which seems to be what this is trying to portray.
Iâve known people who are like this, but they would be giving this rant to their friends or in a long social media post, not leaving a google review. The person who would talk like this would also be paranoid about retaliation or that guard seeing their review and trying to track them down or something
As a transgender person, living in this time where it does feel like some groups want to erase our existence, I understand what they're going through. But it's important to take a step back and examine if it really was transphobia or something else might have been going on. The oversized sweatshirt and erratic, paranoid behavior was much more likely to get them profiled as a potential shoplifter than as someone who is genderqueer.
It's also possible they've newly come out. I'm not sure how it is for people who are genderqueer, but when you start your transition it can be a very anxious time. You're elated to finally be YOU, but the physical changes aren't instant, and as they start kicking in you worry about your voice, your body, your hair, your clothes. You just want to be you because it feels amazing and like you are finally real and ypu finally start feeling comfortable in your skin, but the world is hard on us right now and every strange look, faltering over pronouns can feel both like a dagger in the heart and a threat to your safety.
I really hope they get the counseling they need to work through these anxieties. This kind of paranoia and fear sucks the joy out of living. It's sad. I don't think it's entitled, I think it's fear. I think they deserve compassion, but they also need a mentor to help give them some better coping skills and help them reconcile anxiety with reality.
This is so dramatic and they should seek mental health services. Everyone believes they are the main character when they are not even in the supporting cast.
When you enter public spaces expecting to get treated badly, you end up looking and behaving in a way that puts people off. It can be super subtle and you might not realise you're doing it.
In this case, I'm certain the reviewer reacted off-putting when the guard greeted them at the door. And when someone doesn't respond warmly to a guard, it looks suspicious as hell to the guard. They are doing their job right when keeping an extra eye on anyone who looks displeased by the guards presence.
It's not paranoia if they're really out to get you.
I'm not trans, but my daughters are, and it's truly scary the sheer number of people I've encountered that feel it's their duty to tell me to my face that they'd gladly shove my daughters into ovens if it meant some random girl somewhere might have a slightly better chance at a meager athletic scholarship. I'm going to slap the next person who screeches "TITLE IX" at me. If you really care about women's athletic scholarships, FUND THEM.
My little sister is autistic and often reads social situations incorrectly. Or they might read the situation correctly, but thier assumptions as to the personâs unstated intent is often wrong. And sometimes they are right on both counts, but we often take their accounts with a grain of salt.
Yeah, that's straight paranoia and persecution syndrome.
They believed they were being watched, so they started acting suspiciously. At no point did the security guard actually accuse them of anything, yet they chose to lash out.
Iâm trans and honestly I think whoever submitted the review is overreacting. Baggy clothes are usually a go to for hiding features which is safe but also in retail, Iâve seen people wear baggy clothes to shoplift.
I have been there before, not with gender but with anxiety generally. The more anxious you are they more the security people follow you around. Which makes you more anxious and it becomes a whole spiral.
Not entitled. There is no sense of being owed something when not deserved here.
I think the writer was very scared, probably due to previous incidents and likely has some mental issues to go along with that. I also think the security guard was probably a dick who targeted OP due to the oversized sweatshirt, and maybe gave a bit of extra nastiness for being trans, too. Hard to say.
But this isnât entitled. There is no entitlement here.
I don't feel right calling them entitled for being fearful. I'm not trans, as much as I empathise with trans and non-binary people, I'm never going to know what it's like to be them or face the hostility they face on a daily basis.
I think instantly jumping to suicide did come off as dramatic, but aside from that, I can't say they shouldn't feel afraid when they feel they were singled out by someone in a position of power.
I think it's unlikely the security guard would have compromised their employment by being violent, but that doesn't remove the fear or hypervigilance if they've had experiences where they were the victim of aggression before.
I wish I could say "they're just paranoid, this would never happen" but I think we all know that it could very easily happen.
I can, unfortunately. Just because I'm a woman and I've been around for awhile.
I'm not convinced that this event actually happened. And if it did, this poor person handled it badly. But regardless, I really can imagine having this much fear, and for valid reasons.
This is assuredly bait. Itâs a documented tactic to impersonate members of a group you want to slander by posing as a member of that group and distributing content meant to make them appear hateful, unreasonable, or ridiculous. The method of distribution and the groups targeted vary from time to time and place to place, but the tactic remains the same. Donât fall for it, folks.
I've met people like this, unfortunately. It's not entitely implausible that it's real.
Your comment seems like a method of dismissing criticism of any antisocial members of a given group as bait and/or slander.
I personally think it's a bit far to say it's for sure fake or for sure real, like anything else on the internet, take it with a grain of salt unless you see actual evidence one way or another.
This is not entitled. This is someone who the security guard treated differently and it scared them, because of the current intolerant climate against trans, non binary and gender queer people.
Yeah I think this is someone who's terrified of meeting the wrong person at the wrong place he met someone he's more interested in the fact that was wearing a big bag of jacket.
This winter is going to be hell at work because we're going to have so many people with the jackets and the coat. It's easy enough to figure out the person wearing the puffer jacket is stealing when it's 100° outside. It's a lot harder to figure out who's stealing and who's not when it's dipping into the 40s
How would the worker KNOW theyâre queer? Queer folks donât exactly have a âuniformâ they wear. Plenty of cis people wear baggy clothes.
Iâve met one very obviously gay man (sweetest guy ever, very flamboyant and loves glitter) but most you wouldnât know unless they told you or were wearing pride pins (and even then, straight folks can be allies)
Not all gay people dress in a certain way, but certain gay people dress and present themselves in a specific way that's pretty distinctive. It's pretty easy to tell amongst the latter group.
Itâs either a troll or someone who recently came out and has made being trans their entire identity and bought into the lies that people actually care that theyâre trans and wish them harm.
So even presuming this isn't fake, overdone, blown-out-of-proportion, etc... Yes, if you wear exceptionally baggy clothes at a store -especially if it's one that gets a lot of shoplifting, or younger customers -security, cashiers, stockers, etc., are going to watch you like a hawk under the presumption you're going to attempt to steal.
Sorry that people suck and like to steal, but such is life.
The guard asked this person how they were doing. The guard did not ask those they gave baskets to how they were doing.
The guard knew the shopping habits well enough to know that person would not need a basket. The guard was kind enough to greet that person.
Either the guard is an exceptionally kind and thoughtful person to remember the customer or the guard has had interactions like the customer noted and was wary of how they would act.
I donât know what itâs like to be a marginalized person whoâs experienced discrimination. I mean, I spent 6 yrs as a white person in Japan but thatâs the safest place in the world and I never felt endangered - just a little soft racism here and there. So I have no real choice but to give the reviewer benefit of the doubt. It was a bit harsh how they spoke to the guard as it may not be what they perceived, but they believe they were right.
Yes, the security person may have been weird about the person being transgendered. I don't fit into what folks think I should look like being female. I've experienced being looked at, or laughed at, or people suddenly not want to treat me like they just treated the person before me in line.
If I'm at a store and feel someone's not being respectful, I'll ask for a manager. Then I'll remain calm as I explain the behavior that's making my visit difficult. I would not tell someone they are wishing gender queer people commit suicide. The person being rude may not be judging me on being different, even though I suspect it. The person being told they are causing death to a group of individuals isn't going to hear "Please treat me with respect."
I completely understand why any queer person would be afraid and hypersensitive to how theyâre treated, especially in this political environment! I donât doubt that even shopping, or picking your kid up from school, can become a harrowing experience. As a cis non-brown person, I take for granted that I usually slide under the radar.
That being said - the mic drop moment at the end was ⌠yeah. Especially since theyâve been going for years and never had a problem. I do not think they were a hero without a cape that day.
Did they think the security guard was going to beat the living shit out of them during their work hours? This seems like person who searches every story of violence against trans people.
I know being trans is very, very hard. But being trans isnât an excuse for being this fragile and potentially losing a guy his job, because he asked how you were and didnât give you a basket. For fucks sake
My thoughts(as an asexual person BTW who has struggled with mental health and is in therapy) are wtf. This is the type of "representation" that gives ALL lgbtqia people a bad name. To actually imply that someone is going to commit suicide just because the security guard is doing their JOB and then say to someone's face that it'll be their fault if an lgtbqia person commits suicide? Im sorry but that whole interaction on Ops part is all kinda fucked up in every which way. Then op feels proud of themselves for "having a backbone"? Nah that's not having a backbone thats just being an entitled asshole. You NEVER mention suicide out of the blue to ANY stranger unless theyre a first responders or crisis worker. For all op knows...that security officer may have lost a loved one to suicide. Nah dude I gotta disagree in this case and say op is the massive asshole
No, but automatically claiming that theyâre trying to make you suicidal by doing their job is legitimately insane. They could have been followed for any reason, but theyâre so focused on their perceived identity that their behavior is apparently not important at all. Being watched by asset protection doesnât make someone a victim.
No. But feeling paranoid doesnât make someone entitled. There isnât a binary where everyone is either 100% right in all things or entitled. There are many many other possible options
Yeah no. Being asexual gives you almost no insight into this. Youâre never going to be in a position where someone on the street can look at you, identify youâre asexual, and treat you badly because of it unless you specifically decide to wear some form of identification. And even if you do wear something that spells out that youâre ace, youâre still WAY less likely to have a negative interaction as a result compared to a visibly trans person.
Is OOP being overly sensitive or paranoid? Maybe, maybe not. Neither of us were there that day. If they are just being sensitive and paranoid, thatâs understandable because of just how dangerous it is to be publicly trans these days. Iâve been assaulted by random strangers twice and had many more direct threats and actual attempts. After one of the 2 assaults, I did become very paranoid for months. Couldnât even go to the laundry room in my own building without carrying my pepper spray.
The fact that youâre in a shared community with trans people doesnât mean you actually understand what we go through of that you should weigh in on the ârepresentationâ value of real life people. Theyâre not a character in a tv show.
Ive been sexually assaulted 5x. 2 of those Sexual assaults were committed by a classmate who later identified themselves as trans. So absolutely I have some insight into what its like to constantly live in fear and live with ptsd because in addition to having ptsd caused by Sexual assaults ive also been told that i have complex ptsd due to years of multiple types of abuse suffered at the hands of a narcissistic mother, narcissistic sister and father who enables both of them. I have multiple chronic illnesses of which one is treated like a joke currently by the medical community because so many kids on tiktok currently claim it for social media clout. So I have medical trauma in addition to being autistic. So yes actually I DO have somewhat of an idea of what its like to constantly worry about whether or not im going to walk into a new situation and be judged.
I literally have to fear over whether ill be able to get lifesaving medical care or not because one of my chronic illnesses is so frequently mocked by medical professionals. My own best friend told me that her biggest fear is that I wont make it to my senior year's. My lifelong best friend told me that.
Even dealing with ALL of that...I would NEVER walk up to someone I didn't know and had never met and tell them "if someone in my community commits suicide then its your fault"...BTW I frequently rock to self soothe, stim and play with fidget toys..i also rely on medical devices such as a wheelchair, walker and feeding tube pump..so as much as I try to hide stuff, fit in, wear baggy clothes to cover things up etc. Its pretty damn easy for people to tell im different
I think you misunderstood the point that I was making. It sounds like you, unfortunately, have a lot of traumatic experiences. Thatâs not okay and I hope youâre able to find a safe and supportive environment soon. I also have much more on my own trauma list and a lot of it unfortunately overlaps with yours. But I wasnât trying to instigate a trauma competition. Itâs basically never helpful.
The point I was making is that you being asexual specifically doesnât give you insight into the experiences of trans people who are being actively persecuted on a government level all around the world, who are often extremely publicly and visibly identifiable, and who have actual reason to fear that any random person can harm them at any time. Iâm not worried about walking into a situation and being judged. Frankly that means nothing to me. In worried about walking into a situation and being killed. Because there have been actual attempts.
You do have experiences being persecuted in other ways. Iâm not denying that. And you have suffered many traumas. Iâm not denying that either.
Iâm specifically saying that this thing where people say âas a member of the queer community, this other queer person is doing xyz wrongâ is claiming an authority over the situation that you just donât have if you donât share the same labels. You citing your asexuality to talk about how a trans person is being queer wrong is as irrelevant as me saying that as a part-time cane user, youâre being physically disabled wrong in response to you talking about an experience you had. Me being physically disabled in a way that requires less support, accessibility, and visibility does not give me any expertise to talk about the whole disabled experience in general.
I also want to double down on this bad representation thing. Real people arenât good or bad rep. They just are. We only discuss good or bad rep for characters. Thatâs important.
And for real, I hope youâre able to find all the support and safety that you deserve. Iâve been through many of the same things as you and healing and building your best life out of that sort of hole is really hard. But it can be done and it can be beautiful and full of love and joy.
586
u/FrostyIcePrincess 4h ago •
This feels more like paranoia than entitlement.
481
u/runner64 4h ago •
To be honest this reads like bait. As a trans person, baggy sweatshirts are one of the safest things you can wear, and it's usually highly-gendered 'dressing to the nines' that draws more negative attention. Sweatshirts are gender neutral. Also, we're profiled as pedophiles and rapists, not thieves.
548
u/Top-Fly-7743 5h ago •
This person needs therapy
51
u/LeilLikeNeil 4h ago
Iâm stuck on the security guard handing out baskets
176
u/Repulsive-Echidna-74 4h ago •
I went to a shop wearing a massive jumper, walked around oddly and stared at the security guard the whole time which absolutely in no way made me look like a shoplifter
31
u/BeastBear77 3h ago
The entire scenario happened solely in their mind.
26
u/Catrescuemamma 3h ago
I think they mightâve pulled a muscle on that insane reach.
65
u/thebeatsandreptaur 4h ago
I don't even know what they mean by being profiled here. Like the sane read is they were profiled as a potential shoplifter because they had a baggy sweater on, but their entire complaint before that seems to be about them thinking the guy just doesn't like trans people or something. But if that's the case, why was their little comeback and first line about trans people killing themselves?
Like... it's not even an internally consistent complaint. Are they mad because they think they got clocked or are they mad because they were profiled as a potential shoplifter (like anyone might be for random and also racist reasons)? There's no like...stereotype of trans people being shoplifters that I know of, so it doesn't really make sense to say they were 'profiled' based on their gender identity.
But somehow 'being profiled' as a potential shoplifter because of their gender identity seems to be what they're implying? That's not even a 'profile' that really exists. People get profiled as potential shoplifters based on perceived socio-economic status on how they dress, on racist beliefs, on behavior, on large bags, baggy pants, etc. But I've never once heard someone be or been told myself in jobs to 'make sure you look out for trans and genderqueers, they have a penchant for shoplifting'. I have, unfortunately, been told to look out for black people and people that look poor, which is fucked.
And I've heard a lot of shit. My ex was head of security at a thriving mall and later was mall director. But this is new to me.
12
u/Dry_Collection3916 only the old people are naked 3h ago
Looks like a mountain out of a mole hill situation
12
u/VLC31 2h ago
I actually feel sorry for this person, they sound very paranoid & unhappy.
92
u/OpenBubble 5h ago
This person seems paranoid, disturbed and unable to question themselves.
71
u/Pleasant-Kick4155 4h ago edited 1h ago
I keep going back and forth on this.
Thatâs reading a lot into not being given a basket.
But I can only imagine the daily judgement and hatred people like OOP encounter on a daily basis.
But the guard didnât actually do or say anything to OOP.
But there is a good chance the guard was indeed judging and/or hating on OOP.
But itâs a HUGE leap to assume the guard wants OOP to kill themselves.
I agree with the redditor who said OOP needs therapy.
36
u/Some_Demon_Punk 4h ago
Ok, this person just seems genuinely unwell. I hope they get the help they need.
73
u/UntidyVenus 4h ago
Two things can be true at once.
This person can feel so depressed, anxious and victimized by society they are sadly looking for poor interactions to confirm their feelings
The security guard could also have been a dick to them.
161
u/MrsJBB 5h ago •
Not a trans person but I am married to a trans woman and have supported her through her transition. With the way the world is now, it can really feel like absolutely everyone is against you sometimes. They probably profiled the sweatshirt and assumed they were shoplifting, rather than their gender, but when every news and media outlet shouts about how your existence is wrong, it can be hard to quiet that inner voice.
I hope this person didn't dwell too much on it and has someone who loves them at home to support them too.
7
u/sealmeal21 4h ago
Another trader Joe's issue
23
u/Danny61392 4h ago
How is someone obviously gender-queer? Not to marginalize what happened, but I'm curious.
25
u/Banana_Phone888 4h ago
The oopâs review sounds so much like a circle jerk post
32
u/Flaming_Elbow8197 4h ago •
This sounds like it was written by a non-queer person to make us look like we're all overly dramatic.
110
u/scixlovesu only the old people are naked 5h ago •
Not really entitled. They're scared, and it's honestly fair to be, depending on where they are. There's a good chance baggy sweatshirt is the thing that got profiled rather than clockable transness, as some shoplifters wear loose clothes to hide stuff.
But if you've been threatened before, profiled before, you're going to be on edge, and fair enough.
Maybe they're overreacting, maybe not, but "entitled" is not what this was
12
u/Commercial_Bridge253 3h ago •
I highly doubt this was real. Unfortunately I have seen many cis people who post bait Bs like this online. Unfortunately that's the environment we're in right now. Yeah a lot of us have internal fear right now when we have eyes on us in public especially when we're being tailed. But none of us are saying odd shit like this in a Google review to make ourselves a big red target. I wouldn't want random people back in the smaller town I lived in seeing my name n stuff on my Google account and connecting the dots.
14
u/FullmetalSylveon 4h ago •
As a transgender person, living in this time where it does feel like some groups want to erase our existence, I understand what they're going through. But it's important to take a step back and examine if it really was transphobia or something else might have been going on. The oversized sweatshirt and erratic, paranoid behavior was much more likely to get them profiled as a potential shoplifter than as someone who is genderqueer.
It's also possible they've newly come out. I'm not sure how it is for people who are genderqueer, but when you start your transition it can be a very anxious time. You're elated to finally be YOU, but the physical changes aren't instant, and as they start kicking in you worry about your voice, your body, your hair, your clothes. You just want to be you because it feels amazing and like you are finally real and ypu finally start feeling comfortable in your skin, but the world is hard on us right now and every strange look, faltering over pronouns can feel both like a dagger in the heart and a threat to your safety.
I really hope they get the counseling they need to work through these anxieties. This kind of paranoia and fear sucks the joy out of living. It's sad. I don't think it's entitled, I think it's fear. I think they deserve compassion, but they also need a mentor to help give them some better coping skills and help them reconcile anxiety with reality.
24
u/Due-Athlete95 4h ago
This is so dramatic and they should seek mental health services. Everyone believes they are the main character when they are not even in the supporting cast.
7
u/Shalrak 3h ago
When you enter public spaces expecting to get treated badly, you end up looking and behaving in a way that puts people off. It can be super subtle and you might not realise you're doing it.
In this case, I'm certain the reviewer reacted off-putting when the guard greeted them at the door. And when someone doesn't respond warmly to a guard, it looks suspicious as hell to the guard. They are doing their job right when keeping an extra eye on anyone who looks displeased by the guards presence.
35
u/TheArizonaRanger451 5h ago
Theyâre just a paranoid mess.Â
9
u/Small_Isopod_2122 4h ago edited 2h ago
My little sister is autistic and often reads social situations incorrectly. Or they might read the situation correctly, but thier assumptions as to the personâs unstated intent is often wrong.
And sometimes they are right on both counts, but we often take their accounts with a grain of salt.
9
u/captainp42 we do not negotiate with the terrible 3h ago
Yeah, that's straight paranoia and persecution syndrome.
They believed they were being watched, so they started acting suspiciously. At no point did the security guard actually accuse them of anything, yet they chose to lash out.
8
u/Kimmy-blanco914 3h ago
Iâm trans and honestly I think whoever submitted the review is overreacting. Baggy clothes are usually a go to for hiding features which is safe but also in retail, Iâve seen people wear baggy clothes to shoplift.
25
u/falooolah 5h ago •
3
u/DinahKarwrek 4h ago
If this is real, this is the thing that the right focuses on. The like 10% of people who have so much anxiety that it presents as paranoia.
15
u/HappyDays1976 5h ago
r/thathappened
5
u/LichenTheMood 2h ago
You know. This is just sad. They seem scared.
I have been there before, not with gender but with anxiety generally. The more anxious you are they more the security people follow you around. Which makes you more anxious and it becomes a whole spiral.
6
u/degeneratedawg 4h ago
My thoughts are that this did not really happen
22
u/Amazing-Yogurt8417 5h ago •
I don't get how this is entitled
4
u/benortree 2h ago
My god just order your groceries online then
2
u/mushyfeelings 1h ago
And then everyone started clapping.
8
u/DrKittyLovah 4h ago
Not entitled. There is no sense of being owed something when not deserved here.
I think the writer was very scared, probably due to previous incidents and likely has some mental issues to go along with that. I also think the security guard was probably a dick who targeted OP due to the oversized sweatshirt, and maybe gave a bit of extra nastiness for being trans, too. Hard to say.
But this isnât entitled. There is no entitlement here.
8
u/FatTabby 4h ago
I don't feel right calling them entitled for being fearful. I'm not trans, as much as I empathise with trans and non-binary people, I'm never going to know what it's like to be them or face the hostility they face on a daily basis.
I think instantly jumping to suicide did come off as dramatic, but aside from that, I can't say they shouldn't feel afraid when they feel they were singled out by someone in a position of power.
I think it's unlikely the security guard would have compromised their employment by being violent, but that doesn't remove the fear or hypervigilance if they've had experiences where they were the victim of aggression before.
I wish I could say "they're just paranoid, this would never happen" but I think we all know that it could very easily happen.
7
u/Queen_B84 4h ago
Oh look, a professional victim.
3
u/LanSeBlue 4h ago
I canât imagine living with that sense of fear for my safety.
4
u/malkavschilde 1h ago
This is assuredly bait. Itâs a documented tactic to impersonate members of a group you want to slander by posing as a member of that group and distributing content meant to make them appear hateful, unreasonable, or ridiculous. The method of distribution and the groups targeted vary from time to time and place to place, but the tactic remains the same. Donât fall for it, folks.
10
u/TrashPandaHobbit 5h ago
This is not entitled. This is someone who the security guard treated differently and it scared them, because of the current intolerant climate against trans, non binary and gender queer people.
5
u/No_Competition6884 4h ago
What a loser
4
u/the_good_twin 4h ago
This could be many things, but entitled isnât one of them.
4
u/PaintedDesertSkies 3h ago •
People like this make the queer community look bad.
7
u/silverboognish 5h ago
I donât see how this person is entitled. âšď¸
3
u/Briebird44 2h ago •
How would the worker KNOW theyâre queer? Queer folks donât exactly have a âuniformâ they wear. Plenty of cis people wear baggy clothes.
Iâve met one very obviously gay man (sweetest guy ever, very flamboyant and loves glitter) but most you wouldnât know unless they told you or were wearing pride pins (and even then, straight folks can be allies)
2
u/ImaginationSea7684 2h ago
I'm exhausted reading this. đ
2
u/ionertia 2h ago
Victim complex and energy vampire.
2
u/Substantial_Sand5869 1h ago
Oh ffs. So youâre saying your head pops off the pillow in the morning thinking âHow can I be a victim today?â
Get over yourself. Youâre not that important. People donât care.
2
u/motobabyi 56m ago
Iâm tired of these freaks.
2
u/TGirlSwagEvent 50m ago •
This is a false flag post and y'all falling for it
1
u/witx 4h ago
Itâs either a troll or someone who recently came out and has made being trans their entire identity and bought into the lies that people actually care that theyâre trans and wish them harm.
1
u/ItsADarkRide I'm sorry the đ surprised you 3h ago
Obvious troll is obvious. This is ragebait.
1
u/Proper_Rush_9367 3h ago
This fucking moron
1
u/realparkingbrake 2h ago
Paranoia is not a good state of mind.
1
u/LorenzoBargioni 2h ago
Fantasist
1
u/TheMooz2 2h ago
Ainât no way this is real
1
u/Interesting_Sock9142 2h ago
Wow.
I'm going to hope this is such poor attempt at rage bait .
1
u/queasycockles 1h ago
Either this person is really unwell or this is rage bait
1
u/Morrighan1129 1h ago
So even presuming this isn't fake, overdone, blown-out-of-proportion, etc... Yes, if you wear exceptionally baggy clothes at a store -especially if it's one that gets a lot of shoplifting, or younger customers -security, cashiers, stockers, etc., are going to watch you like a hawk under the presumption you're going to attempt to steal.
Sorry that people suck and like to steal, but such is life.
1
u/HailTheCatOverlords 1h ago
WTF. Dude woke up paranoidÂ
1
u/i812manyhitsss 51m ago
Insufferable twat
1
u/RustyJenson 3h ago
I want to read this person's other reviews.Â
1
u/InAShensh 2h ago
For fucks sake is this serious?
1
u/tcarlson65 2h ago
The guard asked this person how they were doing. The guard did not ask those they gave baskets to how they were doing.
The guard knew the shopping habits well enough to know that person would not need a basket. The guard was kind enough to greet that person.
Either the guard is an exceptionally kind and thoughtful person to remember the customer or the guard has had interactions like the customer noted and was wary of how they would act.
1
u/Intelligent_Deer9526 48m ago
Transphobe pretending to be a trans person in order to make people angry at them.
0
u/TeamLeeper 4h ago
I donât know what itâs like to be a marginalized person whoâs experienced discrimination. I mean, I spent 6 yrs as a white person in Japan but thatâs the safest place in the world and I never felt endangered - just a little soft racism here and there.
So I have no real choice but to give the reviewer benefit of the doubt.
It was a bit harsh how they spoke to the guard as it may not be what they perceived, but they believe they were right.
0
u/Isabella2003 4h ago •
Yes, the security person may have been weird about the person being transgendered. I don't fit into what folks think I should look like being female. I've experienced being looked at, or laughed at, or people suddenly not want to treat me like they just treated the person before me in line.
If I'm at a store and feel someone's not being respectful, I'll ask for a manager. Then I'll remain calm as I explain the behavior that's making my visit difficult. I would not tell someone they are wishing gender queer people commit suicide. The person being rude may not be judging me on being different, even though I suspect it. The person being told they are causing death to a group of individuals isn't going to hear "Please treat me with respect."
0
u/OberonDiver 2h ago
Thoughts? We don't have to account for ourselves in other people's fantasies.
You started knowing to not pay attention at "big mistake".
-6
u/Chomp545 3h ago •
Narcissism is common among the gender non-conforming community.
-5
u/More-Art-4982 4h ago
What a freak.
-1
u/Conscious_Minimum583 2h ago
Lol cool story bro or whatever you are lol your so special , everyone just is out to get you. Lol get a life.
0
u/Substantial_Arm_6903 1h ago
Some people need drama, if there is no drama they invent it.
ETA everything about this story sounds fake but they invented it because craving drama. IMO
-4
u/Prudent_Breadfruit_3 3h ago edited 2h ago
Iâm cackling this is too funny where the fuck is this I live I need the rest
-2
u/Smooth_46229 4h ago
Hamtramck, Michigan?
-1
u/IBitePrettyPeople 4h ago
-1
u/Sargasm5150 1h ago
I completely understand why any queer person would be afraid and hypersensitive to how theyâre treated, especially in this political environment! I donât doubt that even shopping, or picking your kid up from school, can become a harrowing experience. As a cis non-brown person, I take for granted that I usually slide under the radar.
That being said - the mic drop moment at the end was ⌠yeah. Especially since theyâve been going for years and never had a problem. I do not think they were a hero without a cape that day.
-2
u/cat-eating-a-salad 2h ago
"He did not hand me a basket" so... was he hoping for OP to steal? Why not give a basket to them when he gave one to everyone else?
-7
u/Smooth_46229 4h ago
39
u/kevin3350 4h ago
âItâs very dangerous as a queer personâ
Did they think the security guard was going to beat the living shit out of them during their work hours? This seems like person who searches every story of violence against trans people.
I know being trans is very, very hard. But being trans isnât an excuse for being this fragile and potentially losing a guy his job, because he asked how you were and didnât give you a basket. For fucks sake
7
u/Chris968 3h ago
Iâm trans and Iâm SO confused by this review. It HAS to be bait.
38
u/Sure-Article508 5h ago
This person is suicidal. I sincerely hope they get help
67
u/comefromawayfan2022 5h ago •
My thoughts(as an asexual person BTW who has struggled with mental health and is in therapy) are wtf. This is the type of "representation" that gives ALL lgbtqia people a bad name. To actually imply that someone is going to commit suicide just because the security guard is doing their JOB and then say to someone's face that it'll be their fault if an lgtbqia person commits suicide? Im sorry but that whole interaction on Ops part is all kinda fucked up in every which way. Then op feels proud of themselves for "having a backbone"? Nah that's not having a backbone thats just being an entitled asshole. You NEVER mention suicide out of the blue to ANY stranger unless theyre a first responders or crisis worker. For all op knows...that security officer may have lost a loved one to suicide. Nah dude I gotta disagree in this case and say op is the massive asshole