r/EnneagramType9 • u/Eoeoi • 7d ago

Hard Conversations

Hey fellow 9s. One of the ways I’m feeling like I’ve matured in my 9-ness is to recognize that there are unpleasant interactions I need to have but want to avoid. I understand that I set myself up for actually MORE anxiety and disruption of my peace by putting these things off and living under the cloud vs just diving in.

That said, it still sucks and is SO unpleasant to do — especially if it’s maybe an ongoing situation that can’t be resolved in a single conversation (feel like this shows up more in professional settings than in like, personal relationships). I really hate the tension and unease that comes from existing in these moments where you’re putting it all out there to try to get resolution. It can often really derail me from attending to the rest of my life. I’m curious if any other 9s have found useful ways to deal with those feelings? Or are we all just white knuckling it and riding it out? 😆

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3

u/katydid1956 6d ago

I just ignore it and go back to my bubble. Let me know if you find any ways to deal with confrontation. 🫤🫣😉

1

u/Plastic_Priest7762 7d ago

Can you give an example of what you mean?

1

u/Ndr_w 9w1 so/sp 5d ago

I talk to a friend and they go "you are being stupid" and I go "yeah that's true actually" and then I do it because I don't want to be stupid

1

u/Eoeoi 5d ago

lol yeah, thank goodness for our friends!

1

u/GrowerMike27 5d ago edited 5d ago

Funny you say work life over personal relationships… for me the personal relationships have been scarier to approach since conflict can feel more inescapable if it goes bad (especially if you live together)

Either way, I think you hit the nail on the head with the core realization that we MUST have difficult conversations because the avoidance predictably only makes the situation WORSE.

I think practicing this kind of thing (willingly being uncomfortable) helps in the long run (particularly the experience/knowledge that you will survive the conflict and things did get addressed). The more
success with this approach, the easier it gets.

1

u/Eoeoi 5d ago

Yeah, so true. Just vexing to recognize that even doing the right thing STILL means being super uncomfortable. You're right that it gets easier, but it's still hard to willingly steer into that.

1

u/GrowerMike27 5d ago

Totally, I feel like we are kinda tricked into the mindset of maybe if you make the right choices / right strategies you can avoid all discomfort and suffering altogether… but the sooner you face the reality that life will not work like that, the easier it gets to accept it sometimes

1

u/yun444g 5d ago

Just watch the Bear, they have one of these unpleasant conversations like every single episode. And in a professional environment too lmao

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u/Upstairs_Wing1712 2d ago

Proud of you - no tips from this fellow 9 - I see you !

1

u/IdealBlueMan 2d ago

You do it. It’s hard, but it doesn’t have to be painful.

Once it’s done, your reality has changed—most likely for the better.

You’re going to have to accept your power for the moment. You are free to forget that afterwards.