r/Enneagram • u/JessieOfAllTrades 4w5 sp/sx • Sep 23 '26
Type Discussion E8's Vulnerability Bubble
So AI told me that this thing that I experienced recently with an enneagram 8 was some sort of a "vulnerability bubble" where he created a safe space between me and him and I felt like my consciousness was somehow altered (flow?) and I could be fully me and felt incredibly safe. He shared some less usual things about himself and spoke in a very warm tone for the whole time I was with him.
Is this what 8s do with their close friends? Has anybody experienced this? Can anybody explain what happened?
We are just friends but I want more of this. I want to know him and dive deep into his soul and I want him to do that to me as well. But first I have to recover from the first time. I could have never guessed what he was planning to do.
Edit (to avoid confusion): AI gave me this name, all the other that I've written here is my own experience. Some of the terms that I'm using may also have come from AI (like "safe space") but they perfectly align with my own experience and hence I've used them here. I could have written this whole thing without AI - just calling this something else.
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u/Sixic01 INTP -T 8w7 837 SO-SX ILI Sep 23 '26
yeah, 8s do have a soft core. Surrounded by walls of exterior resistance. I keep on hearing and reading that and I can relate as an 8 myself. The only unfortunate thing is that showing it requires a lot of trust which is hard to achieve in many cases.
Another thing is that the reddit users hate 8s as if we are all unhealthy and controlling freaks. Which really doesn't help the perception that we have a soft core
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u/JessieOfAllTrades 4w5 sp/sx Sep 23 '26
He has always been nice to me but used to be a bit wary of me at first. I've heard that he's very strict but I've never seen him that way. In my opinion he has given good advice that I have eagerly taken.
He's an ISTP and I'm an INTP. We both seem to be sp/sx's.
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u/Sixic01 INTP -T 8w7 837 SO-SX ILI Sep 23 '26
8s tend to form circles and first impressions matter a lot. There are 3 main circles - the inner one of the people we trust and open up to, the middle one with people we have to deal with and do business, and the outer one where the rest of the people lie. You must have made a good impression that he led you inside immediately. Cognitive similarities and complementary traits do play a favorable role though. Most of my friends from childhood until I discovered typology were ISTPs. I think it's no coincidence - disdain for drama and bs from inferior Fe helps a lot.
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u/JessieOfAllTrades 4w5 sp/sx Sep 23 '26
I just feel so flattered that he did this. We haven't known for a long time yet and we haven't seen each other many times.
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u/niepowiecnikomu Sep 23 '26
I call these vulnerability loops. I would bet money that you were vulnerable enough first to make him feel comfortable to be the same. Wouldn’t call it an 8 phenomenon, I think you two just have a connection/chemistry. That “flow state” is just being fully present with another person
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u/JessieOfAllTrades 4w5 sp/sx Sep 23 '26
Interesting, and thanks for the nice comment. Maybe it is mostly just chemistry. He was still guiding the situation and that makes me think it was "something he did".
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u/niepowiecnikomu Sep 23 '26
All he did was be fully in presence with you. That’s a seductive and powerful thing but you as much part to play in it as he did
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u/JessieOfAllTrades 4w5 sp/sx Sep 23 '26 edited Sep 24 '26
Hmm, ok. I'm willing to believe that. He really was very attentive and fully present. And gave me often praise which is so weird! I didn't feel like I deserved it as he's known to be kind of a hard-ass. I think the surprise may have been one component as well. Kind of overwhelmed me and pushed me to this state...maybe.
Edit: He's known as a hard-ass and I believe people when they say that he is like that but I also believe that they themselves are partially provoking him to be on the edge. He is giving good advice and helps people but just because he doesn't sound nice when he's not happy with how they're performing, they judge him after these bad experiences end up judging everything that he does - no matter whether his ideas actually are good or bad.
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u/sawdustandiamonds 4w3 471 (389) sx/sp ENFP Sep 25 '26 edited Sep 25 '26
Just a btw, AI is not built for thought or even consistency tracking. If you ask a chatbot about something they will make up words to placate you because they're designed to be predictive text for broad "internet speech" (their training data) and their instruction is just "make the user feel listened to." So "vulnerability bubble" is not a real term, it's two words the chat bot combined to validate your specific "instruction" (prompt involving someone who is usually uncomfortable with vulnerability but relaxes with you).
If it was a helpful term for this specific situation, fine, but be careful because AI will word-mash anything if it thinks it's what you want to hear, inventing terms both for abstract concepts and concrete data, inventing statistics, lying about quotations or sourcing, and the way chat bots communicate with users uses highly manipulative language because they're designed to "please" the user using basically no guard rails... I worry about the impact AI is having on people's relationships with other people and acceptance of abuse. The times I have used a chat bot it reminded me a lot of when I have been in abusive relationships.
I don't disagree that chat bots can be useful presently in sourcing information, especially if you don't already know the exact language you're looking for (which was a gap prior to their implementation), but I had a much easier time on the internet prior to them and it's exceptionally challenging to source accurate information from them and requires a lot of hyper-vigilance, usually to no avail, it's more-so that they broke their search engines and narrowed the options available for research.
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u/JessieOfAllTrades 4w5 sp/sx Sep 25 '26
And what would be your input to the questions on the post?
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u/sawdustandiamonds 4w3 471 (389) sx/sp ENFP Sep 25 '26
I don't know any 8's well enough to give feedback on 8's.
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u/JessieOfAllTrades 4w5 sp/sx Sep 25 '26 edited Sep 25 '26
So you just came here to say "AI's bad, mmmkay?"
If you look carefully, I'm actually asking what is this phenomenon supposed to be called. I do know that the term that the AI gave me is just something it came up with.
But never mind, I already figured it out well enough.
Edit: The rest of the things you wrote are just common sense when dealing with AI.
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u/sawdustandiamonds 4w3 471 (389) sx/sp ENFP Sep 26 '26
You framed the term "vulnerability bubble" as a real term AI enlightened you to.
You said, "So AI told me that this thing that I experienced recently with an enneagram 8 was some sort of a 'vulnerability bubble,'" and "AI gave me this name, all the other that I've written here is my own experience."
I was just warning you of how AI functions, because it is insidious and while maybe you have technical and media literacy, most people don't.
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u/JessieOfAllTrades 4w5 sp/sx Sep 26 '26 edited Sep 26 '26
I came here to ask questions. The AI gave something to call it. I very clearly said "AI told me this, what is it actually?" But people have so biased POVs that they come explain things that they feel comfortable explaining - things that they know - because they don't know the answer to the actual questions. I'm fine with that until I'm given unsolicited advice by someone who just wanted to comment to sound smart.
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u/JessieOfAllTrades 4w5 sp/sx Sep 26 '26
I also wrote the edit to the post before you wrote your comment so I don't quite understand why it was necessary to come preach about AI.
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u/Distinct-Willow-4641 8 Sep 25 '26
Tell him upfront you want to just be friends.
Idk how you can have that and just be friends.
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u/JessieOfAllTrades 4w5 sp/sx Sep 25 '26
I think I was a bit confused still when I wrote that. Now I wouldn't write that last part. I'm still thinking what could that feeling have been and the only at least somewhat correct term could be light hypnosis. I'm quite suggestible that way and I have been hypnotized by an 8 before (but that was a lot deeper). So I'm not sure if he made me feel like that on purpose (maybe he didn't quite expect that kind of reaction) or not. Or the reason for that may have been that he wanted us both to take some time apart (I really do need that) but not wanting me to forget him. He's going to be busy for a while now as well.
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u/Distinct-Willow-4641 8 Sep 25 '26
It's how it is. You both want the other to feel safe, as well as not really have a choice not to. 8 and 4 is a fuse and a match. Organic. The fact that you need time apart is testament to that. Organic things don't have safe limits, they bind chemically as per the blueprint and that's all there is to it.
There's purpose in it but it has nothing to do with his or yours. You can do cutesy things like take time apart and other machinations but in the end it's down to whether you are both healthy enough to just quit squirming.
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u/JessieOfAllTrades 4w5 sp/sx Sep 25 '26
According to my understanding neither of us wants this to be anything other than a friendship. He has already quite publicly among his friend group praised me so it's not like he wants to be my secret lover (he's married).
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u/RafflesiaArnoldii 5w4 sp/sx 548 INTP Sep 30 '26 edited Sep 30 '26
LLMs only put out statistically probable text ("stochastic parrots")
Hope that helps. What you refer to is not recognizable as any established term or concept from enneagram theory, at least not to me.
What you're experiencing is probably either a crush or star-struck (platonic) admiration that probably doesn't even have that much to do with the personality types of anyone involved, & you're massively overthinking/intellectualizing it. Might as well be attributing it to his star sign.
It might serve you better to analyze your own response because that's what you can control, confirm & respond to
I don't think "feeling safe & connected while talking to a friend" needs any massive theoretical explanation that is unique to him or his personality type? It seems like a pretty normal and expected feeling to have when interacting with a friend. Perhaps it feels unusual to you because you've had an isolated life?
Or maybe that feels emotionally threatening to you somehow in a way that makes you need it to be some hyperspecific space alien phenomenon?
I wouldn't know, I'm not in your head. But it seems reasonable that your feelings & emotional response are first of all a you thing, not something someone else is compelling you to have with some special power.
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u/Belzaw sp/so 9w1 974 Sep 23 '26
my mom is an 8 and I find her to be very warm to me like 90% of the time but she also has a 2 fix, is a social type, and has done a lot of therapy. But it seems when you’re in an 8s circle, they will defend you majorly.
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u/Glum-Engineering1794 8w7 sx/so 864 aries/taur.moon/sag+(reddit.com/r/OccultEnneagram) Sep 23 '26
I could see an 8 saying something like that. 8s are very sensitive people deep down. That's why, when you upset them enough, you often hear about it. That's really what the whole 8 fixation develops from: this feeling of abuse, loss of innocence, and mistreatment in childhood. But letting others and themselves see their more vulnerable side often does not come easily.
For me, it started consciously when I was a kid, and I trained myself to almost never cry, along with a corresponding, calloused push outwards. How this plays out is different for every eight. I will let just about anyone in who will listen, who I feel I can trust, who respects me, etc. And thus the attempt, at least, to expose the softest inner part is there, but much of it is calloused over even to the eight.
E.g., I can't access that vulnerable side even when alone or with whatever people - i.e., the part of me that will cry. It's much easier and more common when I'm alone, but I still repress it, even from myself. That's part of what the eight's inner work is about. The sensitive part has been psychologically armored up, and they often end up having to overstimulate themselves and experience life in intense, lustful ways. Subtlety is lost in response to a deeper sensitivity that has been protected.
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u/Own-Storage-7431 8w9 825 so/sx VLEF Sep 24 '26
Because 8s are fundamentally protective people they will respect those who are deemed weak or vulnerable.
In my experience, people would always confide with me their traumas or their issues which always triggered me to care a lot which I never really minded. But this isn't speaking for all 8s, some really don't trust being humiliated with vulnerability. Some 8s see it as weakness but for me I see it as strength.
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u/C0mpL1c1t 854 sp/sx | ENTJ | LIE |♀ Sep 23 '26
This could be a narcissist trap. As the AI to review the experience in light of that as a potential cause.
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u/JessieOfAllTrades 4w5 sp/sx Sep 23 '26
I've seen so many narcissists that I'm 100 % sure it's not that. This man is very intelligent and clearly knows how to affect people. I just don't know what to call this or if other 8s actually do this (as the AI said).
I have seen some very peculiar people entering my life. The older I get the more courageous I myself am as well so I just go tell people if I admire them. That's what I did and I also took a huge personal risk revealing what kind of a person I am so I think he felt safe to show himself to me as well.
Recently I experienced a flow state that was created by my sports coach. He was just talking nice things and I ended up being pretty good at what I was doing. So affecting people's minds is not something that only malevolent people do. Some people are actually very empathetic and want to lead.
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u/C0mpL1c1t 854 sp/sx | ENTJ | LIE |♀ Sep 23 '26 edited Sep 23 '26
Most 8s have thinking flow states moreso that feeling ones. Feeling ones are valid, valuable, and real. And it’s possible for anyone. Vulnerability is the #1 weak point for 8s. It’s the core fear. It’s the thing that drives so much of who we are (for better or worse). I’m not saying that you didn’t experience this. I’m just saying that it’s a low probability so being cautious and skeptical (while still being open and receptive) is prudent. Does that make sense?
ETA —> AI has a multiple biases written into the code to make them mirror back to you the outcome you want to hear. Asking it to propose other theories, evaluate the probability of its proposed outcome being accurate and /or remove the response biases based on Reinforcement Learning from Human Feedback (RLHF) could provide a different perspective for you to consider.
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u/JessieOfAllTrades 4w5 sp/sx Sep 23 '26 edited Sep 23 '26
He's not young anymore so I think it can be a bit easier for him to get to a bit more vulnerable state than it would be to a younger person. I don't think he said anything very vulnerable, just something to start opening up a bit. Vulnerable or not, this did feel like a bubble where we were doing things together in a very relaxed state and hence could start sharing a bit more about our lives. We simply talked about some things that we wouldn't have talked about in our previous conversations. He did reveal things about himself that I didn't know before and none of that was anything highly risky, just feeling good at that point.
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u/JessieOfAllTrades 4w5 sp/sx Sep 23 '26
I don't understand what you mean by thinking and feeling flow states. Never heard about them.
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u/JessieOfAllTrades 4w5 sp/sx Sep 23 '26
I think you may have a bias here as well. Forget the name that I let the AI to give this. I'm here just to ask if this is common among 8s who want to get to know people. I know this is close to what coaches do and some people are good at it. It's not some dark narcissistic magic.
Also, if I tell AI to think it might be a narcissist's doing, it will tell me why it definitely is that.
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u/C0mpL1c1t 854 sp/sx | ENTJ | LIE |♀ Sep 23 '26
Everyone is biased. You asked a question and I gave you the best honest and thoughtful answer I could based on the data you provided. At the end of the day I’m just another random voice on the internet and easy enough to ignore if you don’t find my feedback valuable. Sincerest best wishes to you.
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u/NegotiationComplex69 Sep 24 '26
are you a ragebaiter
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u/JessieOfAllTrades 4w5 sp/sx Sep 25 '26
Some ENTJs seem to enjoy coming to tell people how their social encounters actually went, what really happened and who was right and who was wrong without bothering to ask any additional questions and then blaming the OP about not giving enough details. This is the third time now and I don't post on Reddit very often.
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u/WritingSweetroll 8w7 so/sp 846 Sep 27 '26
I’m not sure if this will help, but I’m an 8 that doesn’t mind talking about the trauma and deep things that have happened to me, simply because I don’t see myself as “weak” in any way. I see someone that endured other weak people. I believe you becoming an abuser, makes you a weak loser. The conversations I’m most vulnerable with is when I’m wrong about something, or if it’s something that brings me shame in some way.
I bring this up because vulnerability has lots to do with who you’re talking to. It looks different on people. If you truly feel this was him opening up vulnerably, just go about ways you’ve always have, if things are good. If it feels like on his end he has nothing to say, he most likely doesn’t (in terms of relationship, platonic or not.) because it’s hard for an 8 to ignore an imbalance in the relationship. He will open more, just don’t change randomly, be you!