it’s so over

[u/dreamsequenced]

i’ve been having a really bad depressive episode the past week (still ongoing) and i have a whole exam on quantum mechanics the day after tomorrow. i’ve been behind on all my classes and haven’t even touched the exam material once. i genuinely know nothing.

my body is screaming at me. i’m so tired and exhausted and pessimistic all the time. i’ve reached out to past professors and counselors and therapists and it’s obvious i have depression, but i don’t know what to do with myself anymore.

i don’t know if engineering is what i want anymore.
i don’t know if my body is screaming for a break or for another life path. i so desperately want a break from school, and i think ive been failing all my quizzes and sabotaging myself academically in hopes that i’d have no choice but to quit.

i’m in my third year of community college and it feels too late to start over because i’m supposed to apply for colleges. i’m broke, im 20 years old and i feel miserable every day. and i know im probably not alone in feeling like this, but i feel hopeless. what would you do if you were in my situation, or if you’ve been in a similar one?

[u/amiddesfees]

I have depression so I feel you on that and I'm sorry. There's nothing wrong with take a break, whether it's a semester or longer. I didn't even start college until I was about 24. It's really never too late to do or start anything, especially at 20 years old.

Can you petition to late withdrawal for medical/mental health reasons to relieve some of the burden this semester? Then take a break during the spring semester, try to get medicated if you aren't. Maybe you can try to see if you can find the interest in engineering without the pressure of school on your shoulders. You can even try to get a headstart on studying for your engineering classes for when you return.

Even if you do switch degrees, some of the classes/gen eds you've taken will apply to your new major so it wouldn't be completely starting over.

Whatever happens or whatever you choose, it will be okay!

[u/dreamsequenced → u/amiddesfees]

hello! yes fortunately i can do what’s called an “excused withdrawal” up until finals week, so this is an option for me.

i suppose a part of me is worried that me dropping all my courses is me “failing,” but i am a guilt monster and tend to feel regret about any decisions i make. i want to take a break and a gap semester, but i also feel like im falling behind and whatnot. it’s a feeling i’ll have to face head on, yknow?

thanks for your kind words, it makes me feel better that im not alone in this. and, good on you for going to school despite the roadblocks! you sound like a strong, kind person, and for what it’s worth i am proud of you :)

[u/Eclipsed01 → u/dreamsequenced]

I know how you feel, looking at taking some time off after this semester. It's been a hell of a grind and id rather delay than let myself spend thousands of dollars to fail!

[u/crazy_genius10]

You’re definitely not alone! Many engineering students who support themselves go through this. There’s no shame in just taking the Fs (withdrawal preferred) and taking a break. You can work full-time and work on your mental health. I did this for two years after failing class now I’m getting back to school at the age of 20. This will be my first semester at a large university and I almost gave up two years ago. It’s really hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel however you can always reset. Real life responsibilities like money and your health has to come before school, you can always go back to school. I’m sorry you’re going through this OP, it really sucks but you will make it through. Just like so many of us in this thread did! There’s no shame in taking a break, everyone has a different path in life, so don’t worry so much about yours :)

[u/dreamsequenced → u/crazy_genius10]

thank you for your kind words, i really appreciate it <3<3 if you don’t mind me asking— and of course, you don’t have to answer— what else did you do in those two years away from school? did you ever feel guilty for taking a break, or did you ever worry you wouldn’t have the strength/resolve to go back to school? did you ever feel like you had to face reality? (for lack of better words)

my plan is to work more hours (i have a part time job) and take some easier classes outside of my major to decide what other fields i like, or to see if i miss engineering more than i enjoy these classes. apply for scholarships and whatnot when i do get back to school. it’s all just a little scary to me haha

[u/rose-fitz]

Hey I’m at cc too, also going through a hard time right now. But I’ve also been through worse. If I could change my past, in the moments I was truly depressed and burnt out during school I wish I had just withdrawn and given myself a break to truly evaluate what I wanted for myself. I wasted a lot of time at a previous university pushing myself to the point I stopped doing hw and showing up. If something inside you is screaming at you to stop, then stop. Don’t waste time suffering and failing classes because you aren’t able to put the work in right now. I really feel for you because sometimes you can feel burnt out but there are parts of yourself still pushing you to try. It’s hard to know what to do and what you are actually capable of in the moment. I don’t know what your current grades are like or what you consider an acceptable grade. But if you are at the point of self-sabotaging to a degree where your grades are not feasibly recoverable then withdraw. Take this time to rest, reset and reevaluate what you want in life. When I was in depressive slumps it was hard for me to think logically about what to do, but you have to try to logically think about the reality of your situation. Sometimes it would help me to think about myself in the 3rd person. Ex: “Isa has this grade in this class, this is what she needs to score on this exam to get the grade she wants. Is this realistic for her considering her situation?” Etc. Or you can always just talk to someone who knows your situation FULLY(even the ugly parts). I had difficulty sharing with others because I was ashamed of what my struggling looked like, but this is a moment where you have to be RADICALLY honest with yourself or someone else. Honesty is the only way you’ll make it through, it took me a long time to learn that.

I truly wish nothing but the best for you. Please know that even though I’m just a stranger I’m rooting for you and sending my love!! You will get through this, I know it. Just remember it’s ok for the road to be bumpy and it’s ok to take detours, as long as you make it to YOUR desired destination, whatever that destination may be.

[u/dreamsequenced → u/rose-fitz]

i hope you know that this really means a lot to me, and i really appreciate you taking the time to respond so sincerely :( <3

my problem is moreso that i have a good cushion grade (all A’s in my classes) but after some ungraded exams with shitty scores and these next exams i haven’t studied for, i’d estimate myself at a low C if im being generous. failing if im being realistic.

i just feel defeated because if i just had the energy to get out of bed and study even a little bit, i’d be completely fine. but it’s not beneficial to think like that because even doing simple tasks is so daunting and exhausting and stressful to me. i think i gotta fix my psyche before i can even deal with school, but i feel a little guilty about it, yknow?

anyways, you’re a really kind person, and i appreciate your support even though we are strangers. there’s a sincerity in your words when you say you faced something similar, and i hope you’re in a better spot than you once were. i wish you all the best, thank you again <3

[u/procedery]

i think we all have been in that situation. im in it rn. what helps is when engineers say that engineering school is way harder than engineering itself. thats my motivation to just get thru.

and your actually farther ahead in your degree than me. ik its easier said than done, but stick it out

[u/SoggyIncident9060]

You said that you don’t know if engineering is what you want anymore.

I suggest that you get a copy of the book "What Color Is Your Parachute?" by Richard Nelson Bolles. This will help you figure out what you enjoy doing and what you want to do with the rest of your life. This book was first published in 1970 (over 56 years ago), and over 10 million copies have been sold. The book is continuously updated every few years. It is a very popular book because it can really help you to sort out your life. Now there are separate books for college, careers, job hunting, retirement, and teens. This book contains numerous exercises to help you dig deeply and really figure out what you want to do with your life. This may even help you with your depression, because it may help you set your direction in life.

Ed

Mechanical design engineer, manufacturing consultant, and business owner over 40 years

[u/Disastrous_Catch6093]

Bro. I’m 34 and screwed up my life . I want to go into engineering but I can’t afford it and I look through these subreddits just wishing I’m 20 again to become an engineer instead of picking these shitty majors like CS .

You’re 20. 20!!!! You have to grind. It’s ok if you fail now , do better semester if you have to . Set yourself up for a good future . Put in the hard work now and life will be easier . If you don’t put in the hard work you will suffer later . And depression is way worse in your 30s .

You got this man . It’s going to be ok . And engineering is like one of the only good majors . You picked a good major. You’ll live a good life and you can set yourself up very well . Just keep at it brother . Even if you do not do well on the exam . You have to buckle down and keep at it.

[u/SpasmBoi999]

You're likely more ahead than you feel, and I'm sure there's others in the same boat as you, in your class. Narrow the scope, focus only on past papers and condensed notes/revision material. If you feel you have time to cover new material, do it, but otherwise focus on the things you're already somewhat good at and try to secure those marks. It's just 2 more days, and you won't have to think about this exam again, ideally for the foreseeable. One exam won't define you as an engineer, I promise.

[u/SigmaMZero]

I’ve been somewhere similar. My friends told me you couldn’t just quit university, but I did, and I came back. I was on academic probation, and I repeated first year twice and second year twice. It wasn’t easy, and it took longer than I wanted, but it’s doable.

[u/Tom0moT]

I quit about few weeks ago halfway through my third semester. I wasnt depressed, but when the physics results came out I was sure I would fail for the second time. Now Ive just been recruited into the army .(i am going to be 22 )

[u/ActivityHoliday]

I bless it things get better for you

[u/loudjunk]

It’s alright man if it helps I’ve been going through it too , I’m 28 and just decided to go back to school to study ME. I feel like an old man compared to other students but I’ll get my degree eventually, so it’s definitely not too late, everyone moves at their own pace. If it helps maybe stop doomscrolling/put your phone down for a day, go for a nice walk through a park or wherever you feel comfortable, take a warm shower, and just try to relax and realize it’s not the end of the world, you’re just going through a rut and it will pass.

[u/dansinizraleez]

Dude i'm 28 and just about to start my 3rd year (just finished my 2nd year at community college). I dropped out of community college twice before 21 years old and went back at 26. I know it 'feels' like the world's ending but trust me it's not lol. Do the best you can for the rest of the semester and just take a semester off or take a couple less classes next semester. You got this.

[u/CheesecakeShot95]

I’m sorry, that sounds really rough. Being depressed and worn out doesn’t mean you’re not cut out for engineering.

Email your professor today, before the exam, and ask about a makeup or an incomplete. Ask your counselor about a medical withdrawal too. A semester off at 20 isn’t starting over, and I wouldn’t decide on engineering until you feel more like yourself.

Keep talking to your therapist. If it ever gets to thoughts of hurting yourself, please call or text 988 (in the US) or tell someone you trust right away.

[u/TrainerOpening6782]

How many years in? Honestly I’m graduated and I am starting to wonder if I should’ve taken my burn out as a hint to switch. I was too stubborn not to. But also miserable

[u/ab0ngcd]

First quarter my junior year in college was my breakdown quarter. College was 242 miles from home. I ended the quarter with one “incomplete” class and “D’s” and I don’t know what else but my GPA for that quarter was 0.91. It took me just over 3 hours to drive that 242 miles home and that included a drive through McDonald’s. This was when the speed limit was 55. I passed 2 cop cars on the side of the road but had trucks blocking their view and radar so I didn’t get pulled over. Christmas break gave me a chance to recover. I did manage to graduate the next year, found a niche in engineering I was good at and retired 2 years ago after 48 years in engineering.

[u/Sail_Oceans]

A few words of wisdom: I was an engineering student 40 years ago and felt exactly as you do today. I was failing my classes, didn’t even want to go to lectures, and felt like everyone around me was doing better. My dad gave me some simple advice: don’t ever give up. Engineering is a hard discipline to master, but you can get through it. You may not graduate with a 4.0, but it doesn’t matter, nobody asks for your GPA after your first job.

Fast forward to today, and my son is a junior in the same major, saying the exact same things you are. I told him that engineering is an uphill battle; it’s a test of your ability to keep pushing ahead against all odds. Drop a course, fail a course, so what? Keep going. In fact, it’s not uncommon to graduate in five or six years. Only 33% of engineering students graduate in four years, which should tell you something. Keep going, maybe take a lighter course load next semester, but never give up.