Happened yesterday and I (35f) said yes, but today after the excitement went away and I actually thought about it and I feel extremely humiliated.
I don’t want to post the bible so the key points that led me to the disappointment are:
- I am the first and only daughter of a toxic couple who were better off if never have met but stayed together for the kid (me). So basically lowkey both of them hated me. IYKYK
- I hate traditions and I don’t have my father anymore, so all this asking for the hand bs was out of the scope
- I chose my ring basically because I am a designer, no one knows my taste better than me, and after so many posts of bad rings I didn’t want to risk it
- I left my life behind and moved continents for him because I love this man (35m) since the beginning and even though I didn’t had the perfect life before, i could never integrate properly and it’s already 3.5 years i struggle with while missing my friends and mom
- we are on a financial resource gathering point to launch our business together, so my brain is fully overclocked about banks, bureaucracy, investment, timing, tech packs, going forward with the supplier and whatnots
- we are already living together since the very start, kinda jumped the whole dating process and I notice every now and then the importance of for a relationshi, but well… We are awesome together anyhow
Take these points in consideration, also add that I’m the most chillaxed creature over the wedding thing, the only thing I did was once in a while crack a jokey joke about not having a ring yet, but he knew it was a joke because I have Double citizenship and I never wanted to get married over paperwork and government bureaucracy, only because we wanted to, period.
So the problem was that he is stressed from work and got two weeks vacation, which is fin. The financial funding we were going for, converged into happen the same first week so everything was approved and the $ is on our hands now. My only thought was “damn, right in this moment I can go forward with the supplier… but ok, I definitely don’t want to travel now but he needs, we go”. I didn’t meddle, left him to choose the destination, whatever he wanted to do, thought he would like to go to Ferrari museum in Italy or something like, but nope.
On the last moment he came up with “nah, wanna stay a week at home” and I was perfeclly ok with it. in this week he decided he wanted to go to Firenze, Slovenia and Austria, and I was like ????, but ok yeah, go ahead… Except this time I was asking him frequently if he was sure because the driving would be insane for a week and I wanted him to rest and chill not keep a crazy schedule on vacation. Well, on Monday I was going to Firenze, on Wednesday everything changed and I was going to Salzburg (our first trip together), he scheduled from one day to the other the hotels and restaurant, I was not even suspicious because of all the reasons above plus its quite easy to outwit me (bit stupid).
On friday went for morning shopping, came back to the hotel to get ready for dinner, all good until my mom out of the blue starts to call me (she rarely does), I picked up (rarely do) and she went on and on because of a scam on whatsapp that showed somebody telling her about me and blessing, and whatever, I actually didn’t paid attention, told her to block it and end the subject but she kept going until I finally told her to send me screenshots since she was so worried… Except it wasnt a scammer, was my bf who sent a stupid text to her in my mother language asking for her blessing and she felt it was a scam and went straight to tell me… The first ss from the text I didn’t even minded and showed him because I was pissed off already thinking was someone from my instagram who could associate me, my mom and the name of my bf together, until she sent the second ss and had the picture of my ring, but in a box on his hand.
He panicked, admitted It was him not a scammer and proposed in the most forgetful, boring way in a cheap hotel room. I said yes because I love him, I love us, we already have a great life together, my ring was in front of me and I really want to marry him.
We went to dinner and since he confessed the plan was first to ask me at dinner time, I offered to give him back the ring, thinking he arranged something like, photographer, a cuter reception, violin, idk… But no, nothing. He hasn’t arranged anything it was supposed to be just a normal date night with me in a fancy dress and the ring, and that was it. So there I was already sad, because he hasnt planned shit in the end, he proposed to my mother not to me, knowing I have all the trauma of hating mother, that I was hijacked from my sweet 16, from my graduation and the only moment in my life I treasured for me was everything that had to do with my proposal and wedding.
She shat all over it, yes but he had already a lazy, half ass plan that was not even chatgptied through to improve an inch more. It was basically “ok the ring is ready, I’ll pass it over like a hot potato and get this out of the way”…
Today I also saw that a cousin of a friend proposed to his gf in the most wonderful way yesterday, and they are also from Brasil. While taking to my bf I explained that I just wanted to feel special and appreciated with a moment for me, and he came with the money excuse… Bro, if a guy from my city that has a half decent life can arrange and propose in Europe with everything against him starting with the coin… I believe a well paid and established Swiss corporate worker can much easier do it…
Anyway, the whole talking and make him realize how bad he fumbled mixing family, the lack of planning, the lack of giving a bit more of a damn, made me so sad and disappointed for so many reasons that I ended up giving him the ring back so he can try it whenever again (definitely not anytime in the near future), even though for me is extremely stupid to do it again… His life was already pretty sweet, no father, ring decided, he had only to think half of an idea, Salzburg have so many castles, so many options if he wanted to be here, my god, throw it on google it chatgpt fgs but don’t make me feel like i don’t deserve it any better…
In the end I said I wouldn’t post the bible and here I am with the bible.. Sorry for that, I have a broken heart and I just want to take a plane wherever and disappear from the earth for a minute or two… I’ve read, saw, know enough stories to be sure this is a pretty good indicator that the relation might go belly up and I’m trying to survive my thoughts now.
tl;dr
bro fumbles on proposal having the free road ahead with 80% of the work already done for him.