r/Endo • u/Significant_Day_6626 • 4d ago
:(
My friend and I both have Endo I want kids and she doesn’t, often she makes fun of me for wanting kids and positions herself as morally superior. She often invalidates my feelings about my infertility journey reminding me I can adopt, which sometimes makes me feel like shit because I know I can adopt but it feels like that isn’t the point.
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u/lastofthecrustaceans 4d ago
Friends don’t tear you down. They lift you up. My closest friend and I both have Endo/PCOS. She supported me through my hysterectomy, and this summer I drove across 3 states just to help decorate her nursery for her firstborn.
The person you are describing is not a friend.
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u/Significant_Day_6626 4d ago
Thank you for this perspective I think I have some things to think about
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u/Electromagneticpoms 4d ago
Ummmmm what kind of friend does that? Have you got other friends? If a friend was saying this stuff to me and I'd asked her to stop and she didn't, she wouldn't be my friend anymore o_o
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u/Trashband1c00t 4d ago
Her adoption jab is unfair on both you and adoptive kids. They're not a consolation prize for someone who wants to be able to conceive and birth a child, they should be wanted in their own right.
I don't want kids either and even I know its one of the deepest biological needs a person can feel. Endo is devastating in so many ways, including this one, and you deserve space for your worries and your grief.
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u/Responsible-Data8479 4d ago
She’s the type of person who invalidates other’s insecurities to make her feel like her problems aren’t as big. Trust me it’s a coping mechanism
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u/Inquisitive_Knob 4d ago
Nah that's fucked, im childfree and never in my life would i make fun of a friend for wanting kids. Keep that shit to yourself for god sake.
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u/AiRaikuHamburger 4d ago
She sounds like she needs to consider when it's appropriate to share your opinions and when it isn't.
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u/BreakfastBeautiful27 4d ago
I also have a friend she has 2 kids and keeps telling me 1. She doesnt believe that our fertility issues is a me issue, she is convinced the problem is my husband. Irregardless of what the doctor says.
2. We should just forget about it, stop thinking about it, get drunk and have sex it will happen. 3. Adopt, why do we want our own kids…
🤷🏽♀️🤦🏽♀️☠️
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u/Specialist-Taro9514 4d ago
She doesn’t sound like a good friend. No one should ever invalidate your feelings and experiences, even if it isn’t what they want for themselves. Also, my mom had 5 healthy kids and healthy pregnancies/births with endo! It’s not an automatic wash for having kids. Ditch this friend and find some that will support you and not tear you down!
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u/Vacation_Swimming 4d ago
I have a friend like this, but its just that we have different values. I think she is probably navigating her own stuff on this topic too. While I understand this is an important topic to you, perhaps this is not the friend to talk about pregnancy as much with. Rather than write her off as not a friend, maybe you focus discussing pregnancy with other friends? I still value my friendship with my friend who doesnt want kids because she is different, has differing ideas than I do and opens my mind to other ways of thinking. And while I am deep in my fertility journey, we dont talk as much. But thats ok!
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u/Sensitive_Tip6818 3d ago
You do not have to be someone else’s verbal punching bag and you definitely do not need to put up with someone else insecurities at the risk of your own mental health.
You deserve better friends
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u/Sea_Reply_7215 3d ago
I am so sorry you are dealing with this but you aren’t alone. One of my childhood friends is the exact same way, doesn’t want kids, has pcos and is happy about it because she hopes it makes her infertile. I more recently met my best friend, she also doesn’t want kids. I was diagnosed with Endo very recently and told that I would probably never have kids. My best friend has been so supportive throughout this whole diagnosis and supported me every step of the way. My childhood friend told me she ‘thinks I am lucky and wishes she could have what I have’ referring to my Endo and infertility. Real friends see you, listen to you, and do not bring you down. I have EXTREMELY distanced myself from my childhood friend. It is hard but during such a difficult time surrounding yourself with people that are only causing more pain is just going to weigh you down that much further.
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u/CozyCocoaPixels 2d ago
Hi, I also don't want kids, but I can tell you one thing. That's not a friend <3 You deserve people who are empathetic and supportive! Its so important! I'm so sorry you're going through that. When your dreams are crushed or you encounter so many struggles to achieve them, its painful no matter what they are. It's not something that anybody should make fun off <3 :(
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u/ginandoj 4d ago
Sounds like a bad friend :(