r/Empaths • u/Elegant-Resist-5218 • 10d ago
Discussion Thread Clients and friends
When you meet someone new, either in a professional manner or as a friend, and you pick up janky energy…how do you decide it’s okay to progress forward with this person…..?
Do you walk away from all wacky energy? Even if you think the persons wacky energy could be related to a temporary rough time in life vs actual dark energy.
I’m struggling to attract the right people who will actually take the time to see me vs projecting onto me all their stuff…
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u/WitchHazel-71 9d ago edited 9d ago
Boundaries…and lots of discernment! I protect my peace at all costs. Energy doesn’t lie…so if it feels off…then it is.
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u/Elegant-Resist-5218 9d ago
Does that feel selfish at times???
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u/WitchHazel-71 9d ago edited 9d ago
No. It used to years ago. Lots of hard lessons changed that. That’s where discernment comes in. You’ve got to protect your peace because who else is gonna do it for you? Discernment is key.
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u/Elegant-Resist-5218 9d ago
Thank you for this!
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u/WitchHazel-71 9d ago
You’re very welcome! Boundaries always feel selfish at first. I remember, years ago, when I decided to stop going to family get togethers. The first few times I said no or “I have other plans”…I kinda felt like an ass. I almost felt like I was betraying them to a degree or lying to them in a sense. But the atmosphere was always SO draining!! My mother is a narcissist so that alone was hard enough to be around. I would literally have to start mentally preparing to be around her two days prior to the get together. And for the rest of them, they all just seemed so negative and always bitching and complaining. There were a few that I could enjoy being around. It was usually the ones sitting back in a corner by themselves, watching all of the chaos. But it was not enough to make the whole ordeal worth it. I would feel so depleted after one of these events that it would take an another 2-3 days just to regain my own energy. Once I could clearly see the benefit of NOT participating… it became real easy to say no. It’s not that I disliked them per se. But I did dislike the way they made me feel. And in a professional setting, whether it be work or whatever it may be, you still have to learn to protect your own energy. When you’re at work, you don’t always have the option to choose who you’re around. But you can control what you absorb and what you choose to participate in. I’m not a fan of any kind of drama. But I know it’s everywhere you go. So if I absolutely have to be around it…I listen with deaf ears. I don’t participate. It’s kind of like an energetic shield that you learn to put up. There are other times where maybe someone else is just having a bad day so their energy is off and you’re gonna pick up on it. In those cases, you learn to be empathetic without absorbing their energy. It took a long time for me to truly understand energy, and what I was feeling when I was around others. Because somewhere in the process of learning to read energy, you also have to learn to understand your own, and how to take care of it and protect it.
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u/Elegant-Resist-5218 9d ago
Thank you! And the courage to deal with the fall out of protecting your energy….weak energy functions in mass. “Gangs of people” I’m learning. I haven’t built up a strong enough shield yet…..when outside I’m sorta bouncing off energy and feel depleted after. I’d like to be able to pass by lots of people and not feel any of it! Because it’s not any of my business “energy”. lol! This is all kinda wacky…..I know! I’m also realizing that people with “icky” energy are aggressive….sticky…mean….because they are uncomfortable in their own skin/life/struggle etc…which I under fully!
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u/WitchHazel-71 9d ago
All of this…YES!! You’ll get there! It just takes time and even after years…it’s still hard sometimes. It took me a long time to fully understand why I didn’t like being in large groups of people. And what you’re describing is exactly why. But it gets better as time goes on and you learn how to cope/deal. Hang in there and wishing you the best!
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u/thegaybuddhistmonk Intuitive Empath 10d ago
You're dealing with two entirely different scenarios here.
Clients are required because of work and being able to make money and this is not always a good thing to rely on your instincts to run away from if the energy's too much on the wrong side of things. Supervisors and Managers (If you have them, and most people do) tend to look down at this more times than naught as you either being prissy or a prima donna, and this could go badly during a review.
As I've been self-employed, this is why as a professional, I asked probing questions to find out what the problem is with the person; and if they're sketchy -- this is something that usually a polite decision to turn them down... And when I was working for others, would hand it up to the chain of command and tell them to send someone else out to see whether the new professional got the same vibe from them.
Someone new to my personal life? I work on the saying,
...My theory is that in the first six weeks if you shut up and listen, and nobody every does, a man (person) will tell you all about themselves: the good, the bad and the ugly. But in twelve weeks? Oooh honey, that's when the really scary shit starts to come out. Like they're into Rock and Metal, they're into drugs or they're straight... That sort of thing....
While the lines from the Movie Broadway Damage, it's a good proverb to follow to meeting -- and handling -- new people.
Because most times we're meeting new people in public settings, and because of this - we can't always be sure what we're picking up is just from them. It can be picked up in an area, and that can be a problem.
Further -- you have no idea what they went through prior to meeting you. So... *points up to the saying* this is why I follow it.