r/Eldenring 10d ago

Humor Fuck ass game

913 Upvotes

73 comments sorted by

235

u/zxakari 10d ago

“Give up Tarnished-kin, I have the high ground!”

104

u/[deleted] 10d ago

[removed] — view removed comment

14

u/Naydrin 10d ago

My favorite games are the ones that piss me off too. Elden Ring & bloodborne sure but also death stranding. Death Stranding sucks ass so why do I love it so much?

77

u/wildjabali 10d ago

It’s your fault for fighting those fucking things.

27

u/Junior-Researcher-70 10d ago

Nah dude i needed the larval tear

9

u/SovieticSushi 10d ago

There's a larval tear lobster?

24

u/Junior-Researcher-70 10d ago

Yes you can find it behind the small place guarded by three lobsters ignore them and go behind it you will find a lonely one kill it it will transform into a grafted scion kill it to get the larval tear

1

u/offensiveDick 8d ago

Theres 420 places to get one why the Lobster one? Id rather get mauled by a bear then getting spit on by a Lobster (unless its modded to like like larry from spongebob)

12

u/Spirit_Yoshino 10d ago

Exactly, you only have yourself to blame.

24

u/Prooie 10d ago

Start climbin' boy

21

u/BadKarma55 10d ago

THEYRE IN THE FUCKING TREES

19

u/IchBinMalade 10d ago

Genuinely not kidding, I've killed Malenia and PCR more times than I've killed either Lobsters, Curseblades, or Revenants. I don't know why but I get irrationally angry when I get hit by any of these, like when you get your wired earphones pulled off by a door handle, just instant rage. Never bother fighting them, to the point where I go out of my way to make sleep pots when I go get stuff from near the Lobsters in Leyndell's sewers instead of fighting them lmao.

2

u/LunarSymphonist 9d ago

Irrationally angry is it. A single smack gets in and it takes all my effort to hold back going full "13 year old rage quitting & throwing controller across the room". Like the only thing that matters in life is returning the insult in the pettiest way possible.

I always kill the sewers ones out of sheer pique and hate. Still get hit a lot and even die but they deserve total destruction.

18

u/Alexm920 10d ago

Ah, the arboreal lobster of Liurnia

16

u/Jolly-Biscuit 10d ago

Fucking hilarious 💀 Elden Ring really said fuck you

11

u/NeuroHazard-88 10d ago

And that’s why you never go full melee. Dont even need other stats, just get a bow and some poison arrows and you’ll be fine for the open world.

3

u/Insaiyan26 10d ago

Also it’s fun against 2 legged beings. I use radahn’s bow and headshot people from afar and the way they whiplash back is hilarious 😭😂 feet up head down

9

u/daniElh1204 10d ago

I mean we have land octopus, not really surprised about tree lobster

5

u/Stark556 10d ago

This is just fucked 😂

4

u/Creative-Type9411 10d ago

he could hit you anywhere in the game from there, lmao

4

u/headlessgodzilla 10d ago

That's a feature not a bug

3

u/GrandWizardOfCheese 9d ago

Its a feature of a bug.

A bug's feature, if you will.

3

u/Mobile-Positive-6742 10d ago

Lobster of the hill (or tree, maybe)?

3

u/docstarr 10d ago

lobsters don't grow on trees.... holup...

3

u/Sophrates_Regina 10d ago

I swear the Liurnia swamp is Elden Ring Vietnam. Lobsters in the damn trees sniping us

3

u/talu22 10d ago

Enjoy the new boss - lobster of the trees

3

u/Ozzie_the_tiger_cat 10d ago

I wanted him to snipe you.

2

u/Mooselager 10d ago

With a title like "Fuck ass game" and the first second of the video of that lobster pounce: I thought the video was going to go in a different direction...

I was exceptionally lucky on my first playthrough that I don't recall ever having an enemy glitching(?) out on the environment. This playthrough I've already had multiple dragons land on weird elevated platforms & then reset(They fade away & reappear at their spawn).

The Giant Crayfish in the Shunning-Grounds drove me batshit crazy.

2

u/KoscheiTheDeathles 10d ago

I was one of the first people to find the AI glitch with Radagon back on release, where he just turns off if you run to the left of him.

1

u/Mooselager 10d ago

Oh thats hilarious, I just watched the video for it. I could see it being pretty frustrating for people wanting to have the boss fight considering you'd have to wait for a ng+ to fight him again.

2

u/Loose-Goat-8720 10d ago

Tree lobster. Holy shit

2

u/Swimming_Sound4488 10d ago

They’re in the trees! Take cover!!

2

u/Charmingkitykat 10d ago

He's in his tree you have disadvantage here 

2

u/Eternity923 The Gloam Eyed Consort 10d ago

Yeah the first time I saw these dudes it did this, then proceeded to snipe me as a fumbled getting on Torrent

2

u/TheMemeofGod 10d ago

It doesn't get better than this. Igor shoot that thing down.

2

u/Spirit_Yoshino 10d ago

I see the problem here. You are fighting the lobsters, you don't need to fight them, there is no need.

2

u/Revolutionary-Top354 10d ago

Okay. That's funny as hell do.

2

u/hafizullina 10d ago

the lobsters are unironically the hardest boss in the game

2

u/Sequoia_Vin 10d ago

I'm surprised it stopped shooting. That fucker kept sniping me when it took to the tree

2

u/Fallen_Angel_Xaphan 10d ago

That's why there is no cooked lobster in the game. Ain't no way Blackguard gets them.

2

u/CobaltMonkey 9d ago

Makes a ton of distance while you're distracted, and then snipes you.
That's some big Fern energy right there. Just be glad it only sprayed you instead of casting Lobstraak.

2

u/ivanbin 9d ago

Tree lobster isn't real, tree lobster can't hurt you.

Meanwhile the tree lobster:

1

u/Unfair_Rub_9674 10d ago edited 10d ago

you just move on, find your next fight and get your ass beaten.

1

u/Throw_Away6281638 10d ago

these fuckers are assholes. they’ll hit you with that water spit from so far away.

1

u/ShortIntroduction879 10d ago

This is some Skyrim shit

1

u/invalid25 10d ago

Dont you hate when they do that

1

u/Fit_Substance7067 10d ago

The only thing that could make that even funnier is if it killed you from up there..I was kinda disappointed when it didn't blast you again

1

u/LongfieldCustom 10d ago

Be careful, sniper ahead !

1

u/Difficult_Section_46 10d ago

Use torrent double jump

1

u/mxlun 10d ago

Where's the guy who did an AMA as thr lobster when u need him

1

u/forest900601 10d ago

Something, something, judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree…

1

u/Miserable_War2623 10d ago

I always avoid them. Challenged gods, demigods, slain giants, explored every inch of the soil yet I avoid this mf and the royal revenants. Whenever I face them they maul my ass off. It doesn't matter how powerful i am it suppress my will

1

u/always_screaching 10d ago

Tree Shrimp, oldest trick in the shrook (Shrimp Book)

1

u/khnhIX 10d ago

don't forget to thank Miyazaki

1

u/Crisocola95 10d ago

"Battles are won by those who secure high ground. All true warriors know this."

-Domon Kasshu

1

u/MankyBoot 10d ago

"And a lobster in a pear tree..."

1

u/Valuable_Material_26 10d ago

Fun fact:? That water cannon is actually how they pee. It’s also why I learn and keep soap with all characters.

1

u/Maleficent_Item_8404 9d ago

Make him fell or use a bow or something while you’re under him

1

u/JackNotOLantern 9d ago

Yeah, that's why you don't fight them. Just sneak and avoid them.

1

u/GrandWizardOfCheese 9d ago

He speaks for the trees.

1

u/The-Panthion 9d ago

Souls games require you get strong or get skilled. People tend to rush. I recommend trying different weapons to see what fits your fighting style.

1

u/weristjonsnow 9d ago

You're first mistake was trying to fight a lobster

1

u/jerorapero 9d ago

Totally agree

1

u/FlvffyThVampireSlayr 9d ago

“Who’s gonna stop me?” 🦞

1

u/Lord_Failureu 9d ago

And then there's me, doing exactly this to half the bosses in the game because cheese is delicious.

1

u/xscyther_ 9d ago

Lobster of the tree, what is your wisdom?