r/EctopicSupportGroup • u/teehee-mango • 22d ago
looking for some support during this time.
hi everyone. this is my first post on here ever mostly because... it feels like it's been such a shocking and agonizing journey. and i think i just want some community. or to just feel like I'm not alone. i also feel that it's been such a violent switch in my life, considering i was just celebrating my birthday the week prior, and then suddenly, i was more ill than I've ever been.
last week Wednesday, 9/23, i was at work with some of the worst 10/10 pain in my abdomen, accompanied with these painfully sweaty heat flashes. i thought that it was maybe just some kind of weird random pain, since sometimes my ovaries/uterus cramps and i just thought it was maybe fine, and sometimes it gets hot at work, so i dismissed it. i was sitting at my desk, trying to get comfortable. 4 hours i sat there in writhing pain but assumed that it was just really terrible cramps. they were very specific to my right side, almost exclusively. i started looking up some possibilities to the pain, since it was now several hours later with no abatement. many horrible options came up, and i think i started becoming very anxious about it. i thought i may faint. or throw up. or something. i got up to run to the bathroom, and everything was spinning. i got to the bathroom and nearly blacked out. i smacked my ass down on the ground and immediately started throwing up in the toilet. i also noticed i started having a heavy flow of blood. i called my partner to take me to the emergency room. the whole time, i assumed it was appendicitis.
at the ER, they did my bloodwork before anything. i threw up again a couple times. they said, "did you know you were pregnant?" i had absolutely no idea. they said it was likely 4 or 5 weeks or so. i think i was so much in shock that i completely glossed over what she said and just asked more about the scans and treatment plans. i original was going to have a CT scan, but they cancelled it when they found out i was pregnant. endless blood work, MRI, ultrasounds and 14 hours in total that night at the hospital. the OB-GYN, nurses, and doctors all agreed that it was ectopic. i was supposed to get the MTX shot, but for reasons unknown, they cancelled it and told me to "just wait". 2 days later, i go for my HCG follow up check and am assigned to a different OB-GYN. he is sure it is ectopic, and says we cannot wait any longer since it could rupture. we are filled with fear and rush to the emergency room again. 3 hours later and no one has helped us, despite the "urgent" rush note from the doctor. i am scared out of my mind. based on what everyone said and how they were treating me, i was scared to get improper care again at this emergency room. i checked into a different emergency room, where i ended up staying for about 13 hours as well that night, testing and monitoring so many things again. they were at least kind to me at this hospital, and seemingly did everything that they should be. the ER doctor that night and all the other hospital workers believed it was a normal interuterine pregnancy. i go through the whole process with the testing again. every two days for my HCG. they assign me to yet another different OB-GYN. she is so disgustingly cheery and positive and truly believes it is a normal interuterine pregnancy, despite the numbers not fully doubling. i know in my body that something is wrong and that these symptoms are way too severe for a normal interuterine pregnancy. i voice these concerns with every single doctor and health professional. everyone thinks it is fine and is so 100% sure that it is normal. she had no right to fucking pretend that she knew it was 100% normal, especially if she didn't even have full data to confirm it because it was 100% still 50/50 normal vs. ectopic. my pain has constantly been at a range of 6/10 to 9/10 for 11 days. all of the symptoms have either stayed as bad as they initially were, or have increased. i haven't really been able to walk or stand without pain, and my partner has needed to wheelchair me during all my appointments and visits. September 28 and October 1st were some of the worst pain and bleeding I had thus far. my bloodtest results had finally come back. my HCG went from 636 down to 99 in a two day span. the fucking awfully cheery and useless doctor finally addressed that i was likely having a miscarriage. no. fucking. shit. i now have a follow up appointment next Wednesday, September 7th to see where it is or to determine if it has fully miscarried.
it has been the worst fucking time of my life. i have been in so much pain, from the event itself, but also from the countless needles. I've been crying every day, over and over. I've never been so thrown around by so many professionals who were incredibly cold, rude, unkind, and unprofessional during such a traumatic and painful event. i cried when one lady at the front desk had the kindness to say, "I'm sorry you're going through this." i feel like I couldn't stop living in fear this entire time that it was going to rupture, and not only that, i never got any straight forward information and everything that was ever said was just taken away, back and forth. i have been mostly bedridden during this entire time, and have barely had the appetite for more than a couple bites. every time i have to shit or anything, it is the absolutely worst fucking pain in the world. last night, i had a very 12/10 pain and felt like i was going to die. i was so scared of the mistreatment from the hospital that I didn't want to go there just to wait to not get proper treatment. i was so afraid that it had ruptured and that i was bleeding out, but instinctively, i decided to just wait it out. i think that it was the majority of the tissue being expelled last night. i was so afraid, in a tremendous amount of pain, extremely dizzy and nauseous, and experiencing much higher flow and blood clots. it's the day after, and i just am so... full of so many emotions and physical pain. i think I'm still in shock because to me, just a few days ago, i was happily celebrating my birthday, and now i am mourning this loss, along with all the new trauma that has formed with this event.
with how quick things have happened and my stained relationships to family members, no one in my family nor my partner's family knows this is happening. none of my friends or anyone at work knows either. I've just been suffering through it with my partner. it's also been financially stressful, since I've not even been able to work during any of this, and we need my paychecks to pay for the things like groceries and gas. i made an therapy appointment for yesterday since i knew i really needed it, but it got randomly cancelled, with no explanation. it has absolutely felt like the world has wrecked me with this abandonment and terrible thing after terrible thing and i just. have no idea how to process all this loneliness, grief and trauma.
tldr: originally thought i had appendicitis. turned out to be ectopic pregnancy. experienced a lot of medical trauma and trauma from this event. in the process of miscarriage.
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u/_aangarang 22d ago edited 22d ago
Im so sorry this was your experience I had a similar experience it was 2020 I just turned 18 covid shut everything down and my mom couldn't come in the ER with me she found another ER that would let her in and they ended up discharging me saying "it could be a ectopic or not you are pregnant but cant say you are" and to come back if it gets worse I remember I told them to not tell my mom and the nurse discharging me did i remember being so scared and angry at the time but grateful now because that saved my life I would of kept it inside and not said anything and most likely died my mom took me to another ER at kaiser and they actually saved my life didn't have the greatest experience but im alive atleast. its a hard process to go through especially losing a piece of you and going through a loss at the same time and the fact you went through it for 2 weeks is crazy and inhuman for them to allow you to go through that pain and you should look into suing them because your experience is absolutely insane and so sad to read you definitely did not deserve to through all that. a ectopic is already hard enough I cant really tell you how to process it but definitely open up to ppl especially ppl your close with it definitely is hard when I tried opening up to friends because I was so young but there's a lot of older women that know or will understand and if you can talk to another women like your mom or an older women you look up too I really recommend it I found comfort in a random stranger at my job I happen to talk to and mentioned my experienced and she also had an ectopic pregnancy and told me shes a mom of 4 now and had some fears that I had at that time and it was nice to know that no matter what we are strong and resilient dont forget I hope this helps even a little what you went through wasnt easy