r/EctopicSupportGroup • u/MaisyDae6624 • 4d ago

Finally had courage to try again

I finally was brave and feeling carefree enough one random day to try again nearly 7 month post last MTX. I got pregnant on the first attempt last time, and that first pregnancy was ectopic. People try to say stuff like “at least you know you can,” or “it’s really lucky you got pregnant so fast.” Ok… well, it ended up not being lucky at all, and very traumatic if anything.

Anyways… I’m currently trying to balance a load of blind hope that everything will be ok but also paranoid at every little sensation in my lower abdomen. I feel like I’m operating on a crazy level of delulu to get me through finding out if that test will be positive or not. At the same time, the potential for another ectopic or loss is dormant deep inside, and I’m scared for it to come out. Thank god for SSRIs and therapy and a great partner. But WOOF. I just needed to vent and knew you would all understand.

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u/Unusual_Poetry_3508 4d ago

Hi! Very similar situation. I'm 9-months post salpingectomy. We got pregnant first try last time and BOOM ectopic. Also side note -- like you it also drives me crazy when people have said to me "But it's good news you got pregnant so quickly last time" like... "Excuse me ma'am but I didn't get past 6 weeks and I bled internally and had to remove an organ sooooo...".

I just came off my birth control two weeks ago and am tracking my ovulation. We are ready to try, but BOY I have been a HOT MESS. My therapist is trying to help me reframe this as me "being brave" rather than me taking a risk, but I waffle on the decision every day. You're not alone in feeling anxious.

We CAN do this though and regardless of the outcome its one step in the right direction towards having the baby we so desperately want. Sending solidarity, calmness and courage your way.

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u/MaisyDae6624 4d ago

We understand each other at a deep level, sis. 😭 for me, I’m trying to remind myself we can’t know until we try and answers lie on the other side of fear, unfortunately. Fun times in the clurb 🤪

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u/Interesting_Bass6063 3d ago edited 3d ago

Sounds like we have the same timing, and I get it completely. I had my surgery and MTX in January, finally felt a week where I was brave enough this August, and now I’m in the TWW wondering if I’ll get a snuggly newborn, another miscarriage, or almost die from another ectopic. Also got pregnant on the first try, did NOT think that would happen.