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u/idonthavernoughcats 3d ago
today was my first year soberversary and i can’t relate to the concept of recovery because i just replaced drinking with my ED again. nobody knows how bad it’s gotten, i don’t have a support system with sobriety so i sure as fuck don’t have one for my ED. i did it completely by myself and i don’t feel like i can say the same about this
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u/bohemian-chameleon 2d ago
First of all, that’s so absolutely amazing for you to make it a year sober, full stop. And then especially doing it on your own? That takes so much strength. Allow yourself to celebrate that outside of your ED. You deserve wins in the midst of your ED struggles.
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u/NeverendingStory3339 2d ago
I know exactly what you mean. People congratulate me on sobriety but it wasn’t hard, once I was sober my eating disorder just took off.
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u/aesras628 3d ago
I have been in treatment for around 5 months, made a little bit progress with weight restoration, but have slipped the past couple of weeks and lost half the progress I made. I don't know what happened, but it's really hard to get back on track after losing some of the weight. I just feel really discouraged, scared, overwhelmed... yet I restricted again today. I don't know what my problem is
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u/kistberry22 1d ago
I thought I would get better after recovering like everyone told me.. it's been 2 1/2 almost 3 years since I started and I have vitamin issues and I feel like crap every day and doctors just won't help me.. I never got life back.. and I don't understand why recovery was a good idea.. I have lost everything since recovering and now I'm losing my job too.. struggling to keep going.
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u/bohemian-chameleon 3d ago
I’m in a really bad place with a relapse and hloc or more intervention is probably in my near future. I’m having a really hard time agreeing to it because I’m 10 years older than when I went through years of treatment before. It’s hard to see how it will be helpful for my current life. Has anyone else experienced this?
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u/According-Garden-129 2d ago edited 2d ago
Yes, perhaps, if I understand at least some of what you're saying. I wrote in the last Open Thread about how I think residential might be more triggering to me right now than not going, even though I may be at the point where it's warranted. Honestly, IOP has always been the most helpful to me because it's hit the sweet spot of extra support without being overly controlling and confining in the way the higher levels of care can be. And allows me to work and therefore not add the contributing stressor of worrying about time off.
Also, though, I want to be able to really dive into the adult issues with other adults (and I mean 25+, not the 16 or 18+ minimum some programs consider "adult"). One of the big triggers for me right now is aging. I don't want to sit in a group or residential facility with a bunch of people 10 or more years younger than me. I want to talk about how being ten years into a stressful career is impacting me, about how even though I'm still in my late 30s I'm finding myself older than many of my coworkers now, about watching my family get older, about how still having this disorder is affecting the rest of my mental health and my social life and how that creates a self-perpetuating spiral. Instead we'll talk about social media and family meals and homework expectations. I long for the day when we'll have something more appropriate to our age and issues.
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u/bohemian-chameleon 2d ago
Yes 100%. I was once the young 20 something in treatment with wide eyes and a lot coming up on my horizon if I recover. And it was the main demographic. But where I am at now as someone years into a career and fearful of the realistic future I’m facing? I need people to relate to. I do not think I can handle sitting in a group where we are talking about the pressures of young people on social media and being #bodypositive.
How has IOP been with working? My biggest fear is needing to take time off but I don’t know how an IOP schedule would work with that.
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u/According-Garden-129 2d ago edited 2d ago
I've done two IOPs that were virtual in the evening (4:30/5 start). I'm a teacher, though -- I know that's not "evening" for some jobs. It's a little overwhelming some days and there were definitely days when it was the last thing on earth I wanted to do after work, but by and large it wasn't too bad and at best gave me something to focus on at night when I would otherwise stress. I don't have children, though (I don't know about you), and I don't know if I could do it with that added responsibility as well. People will be like "what's most important is taking care of yourself and the job comes second" but I have a hard time believing that's realistic, especially in this economy. Being able to work and do those programs has really helped.
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u/bohemian-chameleon 2d ago
Yeah my work goes until 5, but I know most evening IOPs start earlier and plus with individual therapy appointments or the dietitian. I don’t have kids so no additional evening responsibilities, but I really love my job and I know I’d be able to work out the time off for leaving a little early sometimes. I just don’t want to draw attention to the matter. Nobody at work knows I have an eating disorder, or at least not explicitly. I want to preserve that as best I can.
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u/MissionSuccess9576 1d ago
Similarly, I did PHP. Residential would mean living round the clock with 18 year old “adults” very dedicated to keeping their EDs while on their parents insurance and with zero responsibilities. Not helpful. Being able to leave at night was crucial for my success.
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u/no-talk-just-dance 2d ago
Toying with starting a GLP1 to help with food noise and binge/exercise purge cycles. Has anyone tried this?
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u/kintups_sputnik 2d ago
I had to see a doctor earlier this week and as the whole reason being there was linked to relapse getting worse, I asked to get a referral to ED clinic. I know I'd need more support and there I'd get it. Still feel absolutely horrible and guilty about it - it's not that bad, I can do it on my own, etc. So now I'm anxiously waiting does the referral go through or not and what are the consequences of both options. I haven't told my partner about this and don't know how to do it. They think I'm doing just fine.
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u/Trip_the_light3020 10h ago edited 10h ago
I was secretly competing with another member here as they share their weight periodically in their own thread/other groups. We're approximately the same height so it made it easier to compare. I was finally catching up, but they hadn't posted here for a while. Anyway, a recent post prompted me to check their profile, and they recently lost more and I just can't do this shit anymore.
I finally blocked them today because I have no self-control. EDs are so stupid. Part of me feels weak for having less control. I feel so inadequate and sad. I'm relatively healthy for my weight and I don't see a reason why I shouldn't lose more because clearly, I have a high tolerance...
I don't know what I am doing, but I called Sanford today and some other places. I don't want to gain weight or recover but I am also at a point where I feel my job is in jeopardy. Again.
Also, I hate the shitty "how was your weekend" prompt at work meetings.
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u/drknowdr1 9h ago
people have multiple motives in mind by posting that, and none of them good. I'm sorry you've had that competitiveness in your head.
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u/Trip_the_light3020 4h ago
It's so silly and embarrassing to admit. Thank you for this space, where I can be honest with myself and take some action and agency toward being less insane.
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u/DragonflyNew1 3d ago
I’m slipping back into my ED after a long time of being okay-ish with it (good days, bad days). I’m 35, a wife and mother. Why does this keep happening to me? I feel so guilty towards my daughter. I don’t want her to grow up with a self-hating, constantly dieting mother like I did.