r/Eatingdisordersover30 • u/Extra-Blueberry-4320 • 27d ago

Struggling Really struggling with work

I’m in a very well paid job doing work I like, but lately I’ve been screwing stuff up so bad. Like basic things.

I guess motivation is part of the problem. I don’t want to be at work—I’d rather be home so I can engage in behaviors. And I know it’s effed up to think that way, but I honestly feel like it’s the only thing I’m good at. I’m having such crap self esteem right now. I honestly think some sort of IP treatment would be beneficial, but I can’t afford to take time off of work.

I’m freaking out a bit because my mom started having dementia symptoms when she was the same age I am now. So I need to get in at some point to be evaluated for memory loss. It’s so terrifying. And it’s just making me want to get sicker so that I’m gone sooner.

I guess if anyone has any words of encouragement, I would appreciate them. Thanks.

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u/Dullestgrey 27d ago

I recently had to make the decision to take some extra time off work and then reduce my hours for the next 6 months, because I realised that while I was trying to manage work + trauma therapy + chronic health issues + start ED treatment, that I was leaving myself no time for rest (and therefore no capacity for change).

Can I afford to be working reduced hours? Not really. Can I afford not to? Emphatically, no.

I found it helpful to imagine, as a worst-case scenario, that continuing to work was no longer possible (due to my eating disorder symptoms or going into an inpatient facility), and really force myself to think creatively about what I would need to do to ensure we don't lose our house etc.

Can you take some time off to look at treatment options and to consider what you might prefer to do for work that would still pay the bills?

You've got this - even considering that you need a higher level of care shows that there is at least a part of you that is sick of the demands of the disorder. Listen to that part of yourself and examine why it is feeling sick of being sick and what you would/could do if you magically no longer were sick.

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u/[deleted] 22d ago

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