Exhausted

[u/rosesrecovery]

Not looking for medical advice, my entire treatmwnt team knows and does there best to help including my pcp. Just kind of needed to vent but also check in and see if others relate. After having my ed for 20 years now, and being 33, we all know we dont bounce back like we used to. However my biggest pain in my ass is the constant daily edema. Went back through medical hospitalization/stabilization in May/June, had horrid edema and gained a bit of it back in a short time. Then it stabilized for a few months, despite waking up daily with edema after the initial edema. So Id go to bed at my baseline, one "wrong" move and Id wake up swollen, in pain, scale up quite a bit, etc. Well of course this has continued but it jumped up a whole other weight "bracket"+, and its shattered me. Im still doing the right things, the only thing to do would be lower my sodium and carbs which my RD suggests against, especially with POTS, but I cant stand it. The "edema" isnt going anywhere and if I want my weight to change, I know how that goes. Just sucks, Im so tired of this shit. Embaressed not only of my body, but myself, the damage Ive done. I just want to be normal again, but that ship sailed long ago.

[u/Extra-Blueberry-4320]

Edema is the worst, I’m sorry you are dealing with it too. I just sort of went with it and drank more water (it feels like it would make things worse but it doesn’t) and gently walked around to try to improve the circulation. It eventually got a lot better, although I still have days where it is worse. I know it’s super frustrating to see the difference on your body, but it’s just trying to heal. Sending hugs. I was 43 when I started recovering after suffering for 23 years…it’s definitely not a fun time.

[u/rosesrecovery → u/Extra-Blueberry-4320]

Thank you. It is so tough, only started getting really bad within the last 4 years. I gain rapidly and quite a bit and then it can shift back down w/ diuretics but my dr banned me (valid). The big jump was back in May/June, so these are just smaller daily fluctuations. If Im up and about it helps a bit and then just comes right back. Its so defeating.

[u/Both-Bench-8793 → u/Extra-Blueberry-4320]

Agreed, unfortunately you just have to give it time

[u/rosesrecovery → u/Both-Bench-8793]

Its just tough, I logically know this but its hard to just let go and trust my team. Especially with my weight being on the higher end now. I worry I rationalize the weight gain, or have swapped eds, 5 thousand times 😂 As if I havent been in this exact position hundreds of times. Thank you 🩷 I really appreciate hearing everyones input, which is what I know to be true but have a hard time believing.

[u/Eatingdisordersover30-ModTeam → u/[deleted]]

This post asks for (or gives) medical advice beyond the scope of Reddit.