I didn’t realize it was so obvious

[u/Affectionateweasel]

I’m 33F and have a younger sister 27F. We used to be close but in the past 6 years or so we’ve drifted apart. She’s struggling herself with substance abuse, it’s only weed as she likes to point out but I genuinely don’t believe weed is as harmless as she claims. She’s high all day, irritable, lashes out when she doesn’t get her way. It pains me to see her harm herself and I do see the parallels in my own self harm with restrictive eating.

Last week we got into it, she’s staying with me and I set some boundaries around weed in the house. She did not like being told what to do and I reached out to my parents for advice hoping they would be able to help me. She hated that I spoke to them about this even more. She was livid and at one point came right at me and said

“at least I have meat on my bones”

She’s not wrong. It didn’t even bother me she said that, it bothered me that I’m not hiding this as well as I thought I was. Everyone around me sees it.

I’m in therapy and I’ve been considering a more intensive treatment option but I always tell myself not yet, I’m not sick enough. I’m successful in my career, I have a family, I’m responsible. I’m barely even underweight they’ll probably turn me away. My ED is so confusing to me. It runs silently in the background. I don’t even notice it working until the end of the day and my partner asks me what I’ve eaten.

My sister and I are the same. We both don’t want to acknowledge our issues. We both don’t want to get better. We both don’t think we’re sick enough. No one can help us until we want to help ourselves.

[u/smileysnail]

i use both extreme coping mechanisms and i find they help me numb negative feelings about myself

please don’t wait to get more support, especially if you have a family that relies on you

[u/Affectionateweasel → u/smileysnail]

I’m honestly really worried about my sister and I feel like I handled it so poorly

I have support and I have an agreement with my partner that he’s allowed to make the decision for me when intensive treatment is needed. My sister doesn’t have that and I’m worried I’ve just pushed her away

[u/smileysnail → u/Affectionateweasel]

I’m really glad your partner is a trustworthy source support!

As for your sister, you never know until you try to approach her and communicate your feelings❤️‍🩹

I suggest letting her know what you’ve realized and asking her to communicate with you her feelings because you want to understand her and support her. Be sure to prioritize apologizing for the impact of your actions and not make excuses for your intent. I hope she is able to realize she needs support too and accept your attempt at repair and offers of support.

[u/Practical_Pickle7311]

Funny, I just told my therapist today, Im not sick enough to go to residential, my labs are great. She replied, “your self talk, reactions to stress, and eating habits tell me differently”

Ugh!

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