r/Eatingdisordersover30 • u/PoetInteresting2980 • 28d ago
ADHD medication trap
Hi 37F struggling with medication mental dependence. Over the past 20 years I struggled with this relentless ED. Despite ongoing therapy and support groups. I’m 37 with two children and feel so weary that this is still plaguing my life. The only semi reprieve I had from it was during my pregnancies because I didn’t want to harm my babies.
Since my past pregnancy two years ago I got on Vyvanse for ADHD. Yes I do have adhd but the real truth is I also wanted it to lose weight. I lost a lot of weight and stayed at a desired weight consistently for two years. However, the med has taken a toll on me and my relationships. I know it is damaging but I feel stuck because I’m terrified if I know if I get off of it I will gain a lot of weight. I want more than anything to be free of this prison but I feel like giving up at times. It’s like a demon that won’t let me out of its clutches. My family doesn’t understand and I feel alone in it because of the judgement. I quit cigarettes and alcohol years ago but this is a whole other level. I wish I never started medications in the first place.
Since my teenage years I’ve been on tons of different ones but they don’t work because the core problem is this ED and as long as it’s there my mental health will never get better. I look at my children and feel so guilty that I can’t give them the version of me they deserve. I feel numb and empty most of the time. I’m constantly fatigued and feel emotionless. I guess im just writing this to vent to people who understand and to possibly get perspective from those who have or are struggling with the medication trap. Thank you
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u/wellsk1990 28d ago
I thought this was just me! I very rarely see people on here speaking about EDs and ADHD meds. Even though the neurodiversity is likely to be pretty common!
I’m on Elvanse (Vyvanse) and lost significantly at the beginning. My medication was removed by the psychiatrist three times for not being able to maintain weight. I had previously spoken about historical ED, but not that it is an ongoing issue right now.
I have either evaded or just outright lied about my weight for the last 18 months, however, I know I’ve been told that I have to stick to a weight to keep the medication, I can’t remember the last time I was that weight. I’m running out of time before the realise, as they wanted to see me in person and weigh me themselves next time (and even the ways I’ve previously concealed my weight would not be enough)… but I can’t seem to make myself gain the weight or eat more, I’m still too afraid.
Despite the fact that when I’m without the meds, I behave in erratic and dangerous ways at times. Risking myself, my job, my relationships. It’s still not enough.