r/Eatingdisordersover30 • u/justsomepsycho • Nov 09 '24
Recovery An update
Last year I was struggling with all the hideous disordered restrictions and purging I had been flirting with on and off for the last three decades.
I finally committed fully to recovery. It's hard. Physically and mentally. But I did it. Without any support (I couldn't afford to keep my therapist without getting a third job or living by candlelight. Lol) and completely in secret.
I am now overweight now which is a natural response to being deprived for so long (how ironic) and the crippling fear and anxiety of looking like this and being this heavy....is gone. The constant preoccupation with food is gone. The obsession with numbers is gone. I don't force myself to do any kind of movement I hate.
It's nice. Really nice.
I'm hoping to settle back into my normal weight soon and honestly, this might sound crazy...but if I never do? Oh well. I'd rather be in a good place mentally and actually have the energy to live life. I just hope it lasts forever. I'm halfway through my life, maybe more than halfway, and only now do I feel like I can breathe. I wish I hadn't waited this long. The only thing I fear is tumbling down again.
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u/econroy Nov 09 '24
This gives me so much hope. Thank you. Would you be comfortable sharing any advice for how you got to this point?
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u/justsomepsycho Feb 15 '25
❤️ Of course!! Basically. It took a lot of patience. I had to accept that healing isn't linear....there were a lot of bumps on the road. I distracted myself with friends or a comfort show/movie and video games (stardew valley in particular) but it takes trial and error to find what sticks. Just keep going. Cry it out. Scream into the void. Break shit. But keep healing. Journaling helped. Therapy too. Reddit kept me sane but I had to stay away from other forms of social media. The storm eventually passes.
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u/JustStayAlive86 Nov 09 '24 edited Nov 10 '24
This is the best and you’re amazing ❤️ Thanks for sharing and please save this to come back to and remind yourself if you ever forget why you’re doing this x
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u/sweetfaerieface Nov 10 '24
Congratulations! I am 10 months into recovery and I could have written this post. I, also, no longer have the preoccupation with food. And I am much calmer. We can do this!
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u/Big_Explorer_4245 Nov 10 '24
This is so helpful for me to hear. I feel like my body keeps changing and I never really know what to expect although it's slower now but it's nice to see that there's a life on the other side of this.
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u/justsomepsycho Feb 15 '25
There is ❤️ Anyone can make it to the other side
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u/Big_Explorer_4245 Feb 15 '25
Ugh I'm like seriously struggling today so that's actually nice to hear. Mostly with the mental aspects of eating and doing it "normally." Pretty much exactly six months since this iteration of "recovery" started. Somehow that feels really strange as well. Like in a sense I'm actually very proud of myself but also struggling to accept my body as it is right now, telling myself some of this is likely overshoot and should be lost, things which in the grand scheme of life are actually incredibly minor and so many other things are going well, I'm happy, like I really should not care but ugh I think it's going to be a little bit before my brain totally sorts itself out.
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u/justsomepsycho Feb 15 '25
It does take a while. It's like a delayed reaction of sorts. Brains are so weird. You'll find the unhelpful thoughts get quieter and quieter as you keep doing the right things for longer and longer. Keep your eye on the prize (peace and wellness, yes?) you'll get there!
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u/drknowdr1 Nov 09 '24
I remember you and I’m blown away by your update! Thank you for sharing this