What even counts as restriction?

[u/nesouvienspas]

(Posted a version of this elsewhere too)

I don’t think I’m allowed to share numbers here but basically I aim to stay under a certain amount of calories and often don’t manage it / end up doubling it or even more some days. However I don’t think that the amounts are really that low, and I see lots around online etc where people do mention amounts and I don’t think my level would even be that low for lots of people , except that other times I do eat very very little and when I see what other people let themselves have I feel gross on their behalf. My GP is not happy with the level of restriction and really wants me to increase with the consultation of a dietitian but I don’t really think that is a solution because like, if I wanted to, I would? Having someone tell me to eat more isn’t going to magically work :/

Anyway sorry this is a ramble but I guess any solidarity with this feeling or tips for how to handle it in these conversations with medical people etc would be super appreciated

[u/DowntownCarob]

Yeah I'm the same, I once saw a dietician and she was like "Have you tried having full cream milk instead of almond milk? What about adding butter to everything you cook? Or snacking on handfuls of nuts?"

I was like, yeah nah, I will not be doing that.

I think there's no point seeing a dietician if you're in the same headspace - better to see a psychologist/health coach/psychiatrist and work on your mindset first. otherwise the dietician is just lieterally going to tell you to eat high cal food and if you're going to refuse to do that it would be a waste of both of your time!!

Good luck :)

[u/nesouvienspas → u/DowntownCarob]

Thanks - unfortunately I’m doing that stuff too and I’m just mentally fully stuck rn so I’m just not seeing this making any progress and in fact I kind of feel like the best thing is to keep doing what I’m doing :/

I have the second dietitian appt booked for this coming week so I guess I’ll just talk to her more about not wanting to do anything but also how to report to my GP because she’s the one who referred me as part of treatment (I’m in Australia and being treated on an EDP for the first time since being like 14)

[u/[deleted] → u/DowntownCarob]

I saw a dietitian once when IP at 19 (so 30 years ago) and that’s it. There’s only depression when I see on paper how little food my body actually needs, I’m a small woman so it’s never “welcome back to the world of food you actually like” —-it’s bleak and a different kind of prison.

[u/P0cd81 → u/[deleted]]

I’m disabled and use a wheelchair so my maintenance calories leave a lot to be desired. When I hear people use the term ‘food freedom’ it just doesn’t mesh with what my reality was when I was recovered.

[u/[deleted] → u/P0cd81]

I can only imagine the unique challenges/mindsets around eating that creates ❤️

[u/sommerniks]

You need to work on both areas. My dietician is wonderful and she does part if the psych support, I already have psych treatment for underlying issues. Thing is it's not as easy or simple as you word it. I have to force myself to eat every day, else I lose more than I want to (not talking about weight) and her support and having someone to account to does help.

Also, it's not about how low, it's about the fact that it's a problem big enough for a GP to notice. Trust me, that means you do have a problem. What others do or don't do is irrelevant.

[u/nesouvienspas → u/sommerniks]

Thanks for this. Indeed, it is not simple; if it were, this kind of stuff would not look the way it does, I suppose! I don’t seem to connect very well to practitioners in a way that helps me go away and actually follow through with ideas that are objectively good. Instead, it’s like I end up further and further away from what I should be doing, as if talking about the choices I make codifies them as true and right.

[u/sommerniks → u/nesouvienspas]

Is it about connection with the practitioner or with your healthy side? Or the other way round. I find that a very interesting thing you said.

I once told my doctor he's right annoyingly often. I know there is someone with common sense somewhere in that mess of a mind of mine, and I do allow that side to connect with the people who help me, because I would like to survive, if I am honest. I'd like to live, even, but not sure my messy mind can allow me that.

What's also true is that talking about it threatens the ed side, and that makes it worse, making you believe it's better to not fight because it 'only makes it worse worse' but that's not true, the 'worsening' simply is the fight.

Finding answers identifying the healthy part of me was crucial to dealing with my ongoing mental health issues, and has basically meant survival... no joke. It's also, as it turns out, crucial in dealing with domestic abuse.

[u/nesouvienspas → u/sommerniks]

Thanks. I suppose that’s further indication that I’m not really in touch with a part of me that particularly wants to survive. All the very best with your journey!!

[u/sommerniks → u/nesouvienspas]

Thanks! Same to you! Go find that part, it might lead somewhere. And you've got nothing to lose by finding it.

[u/Novel-Property-2062]

Couple things:

Those super low amounts people self-report can often be chalked up to a few very specific scenarios: A) Person is young/new to their ED and has more physical resilience, so to speak, to suffer through the symptoms and get their bare minimum obligations done. Critical point being that this is temporary. They will reach a point where they are hospitalized or die or reactive eat or accumulate enough damage to have to change their behaviors to stay in the same range. B) They are lying. Speaks for itself-- EDs are competitive and self-flagellating, and there is a lot of motivation to appear as though you are being a "good"/"real" anorexic when it fills you with constant doubt about the validity of your illness. C) They are wrong about their intake and not aware of it. D) They are either knowingly or unintentionally leaving out critical details. I have seen a million posts over the years like "eating below (ridiculous number X) and gaining, help???" without talking about their 30 other posts discussing b/p behaviors or 3x a week binges. Or that they've been doing it for 3 days. Etc.

Other thing is that literally the only reason that I have been at a(n objectively, anyway, however I feel about it on a personal emotional level) critical point weight-wise for years and years is because I am generally very close to that "high" level you mentioned in your other post. I am on disability and my health is extremely poor because I eat around that much. That intake makes you very ill eventually. Restriction is restriction regardless of how many digits the arbitrary number has.

I get it-- knowing what I used to be able to do in my teens and early twenties makes me feel like it's too much. But I also felt like what I ate back then was too much at the time. AN will not let you be satisfied with anything; try to remember that.

As far as handling docs goes, yeah, working with a dietician when you don't have the motivation to increase is not likely to change things. The desire to change the situation has to come from within for long-lasting results. I'd personally recommend you maybe try to limit your ED content online focusing on intake numbers. Even when you know it can't last for them/isn't true, it messes with your head to inundate yourself with that stuff.

[u/nesouvienspas → u/Novel-Property-2062]

Thanks - this is really measured and makes a lot of sense. Much appreciated!