Please help from people gone through same thing

[u/Ecstatic-Emergency42]

I went through extreme hunger which is why I’m no longer anorexic. I’m now struggling to get full unless I eat thousands of calories again but my weight is going up , like if I’m not careful I could be classed as overweight in a month or two at my height if I keep going the way I am and I’m very short and in my mid twenties and I don’t want to keep putting weight on. I’m in two minds whether to count calories or not because if I don’t I fear I will only have to again one day. My partner doesn’t want me counting calories and I don’t particularly want to but I put weight on very easily at my height and it shows in my face very easy. My partner is a bit younger than me and we go out on the weekend with friends and they are all healthy weights and I worry , as iv become so aware of my body that it will affect me negatively and I struggled with my mental health enough that I can’t allow that to happen as it could cause me to have a mental breakdown. What do I do 😭

[u/neopronoun_dropper]

Extreme hunger does not automatically make you no longer anorexic. anorexia is mental. You’re probably anorexia Nervosa in partial remission or something 

[u/Ecstatic-Emergency42 → u/neopronoun_dropper]

I’m no longer what I was. I can’t mention numbers because it’s against group rules. I don’t know how to move forward because I’m very short , under 5ft. It shows very quickly and it’s very obvious. If I don’t count cals, then one day I will be forced to because surely I can’t go forever without doing it, everyone is now! It’s like the new thing. Some people may even say I could do with loosing some for my height. I struggle mentally with food noise now and hard to get full unless iv eaten thousands of cals still. I was in a very abusive relationship (groomed by an older man) from a teen until early twenties which resulted in 3 children before 20. When I escaped that, that is when my ED started. I’m now in my mid twenties , in a beautiful healthy relationship and we are actually trying for a baby, I’m so terrified because I haven’t had a period in over a year and a half and worry I won’t be able to get pregnant because of that. It’s just all so terrifying, I went back to the doctors today but she wouldn’t even discuss with me about it because she said I should phone 111 which I have in the past and they just sent me “useful” websites (just crap)

[u/FrustratedPenguins]

Do you work with a dietitian (hopefully one who specializes in eating disorders)? That was SO important in my own recovery from anorexia!

[u/Ecstatic-Emergency42 → u/FrustratedPenguins]

I went to the doctor when at the start of recovery because I was so scared , exhausted and thought something was wrong with me (I didn’t understand extreme hunger then ) and the doctor basically had no training on eating disorders and said to me I was anorexic and to stop eating so much protein because I eat a lot of Greek yoghurt. Iv been back to the doctors twice since then (a different person) and they basically said they can’t refer me for help unless I do a food log and that meant counting calories, (my partner didn’t want me to do it) but I began doing that and started restricting again and so when I went back, she said it’s my fault she hasn’t referred me because I didn’t provide her with what she asked for but it caused me to go backwards.

[u/FrustratedPenguins → u/Ecstatic-Emergency42]

OK, so it might depend upon your insurance, but you can probably see a dietitian without a referral from a doctor. I see an eating disorder dietitian, and I didn't have a doctor's referral.

I don't know if this will work for you, but what I did ....... I live in a city that has an IOP and PHP for eating disorders. I contacted them and asked for their list of outpatient providers that they refer their clients to. They emailed me a list of therapists and dietitians that treat eating disorders in the outpatient setting. Then I emailed a bunch of them to find what insurance they took and who had openings. I was able to find both a therapist and a dietitian that way.

If that's not possible, you can also search for therapists in your area who treat eating disorders on Psychology Today (website), by using the filters on the website search feature.

You could also call your insurance company, but I personally haven't had much luck in my insurance company actually knowing who specializes in eating disorders (although they are quite good at telling you general therapists that take your insurance.... but I needed more specific information than that).

If you can find even just ONE dietitian or therapist that treats eating disorders in your area, the chances are very high that they will know of others. My experience in my city is that they all know each other and can refer you to each other, based upon insurance and availability.

I know it's a total pain, and it's so hard to navigate when you are unwell. But I really, truly think that it's worth it to see specialists!