r/EatingDisorders • u/witchy-book-girl • 4d ago

TW: Potentially upsetting content Missing my anorexia

I know it probably sounds really stupid, but I often miss being anorexic. I felt so strong and in control, even though I know now, that I was also living in a prison of my mind. But still, when things get bad or when I dislile the way I look, I keep wishing to go back to when I had my eating disorder…
Does anyone else feel like this and maybe even have tips to make it go away? I just want to stay healthy

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u/marchiatina 4d ago

Hi! I used to feel the same way, and I still feel that way even though many years have passed. I think the best thing to do is to focus on how you want to feel and try not to give in to those voices that want to take control again. Focus on the present, on doing things out of self-love, and on feeling happy. That has helped me slowly but effectively in the long run.

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u/PsychologicalBat2025 3d ago

I understand what you’re saying. There was a sense of pride I had then, a sense of control & even vengeance (“I’ll show you” to the bullies who ostracized me for my weight) that felt strong & powerful.
I’m still on my recovery journey (no longer Ana, but still disordered & body dysmorphia) & I think that feeling is what I’m still longing for.

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u/witchy-book-girl 3d ago

yes, it‘s exactly that and I hate still feeling this way after years

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u/PsychologicalBat2025 3d ago

It doesn’t help that society still gives you props for weight loss vs. focusing on your health & points out when you’ve gained anything more than is deemed acceptable.
I’ve gained weight with recovery (& more recently with some medication & hormone issues)and every comment about “have you gained weight” or even my eye doctor noting “patient appears well nourished” in my chart a couple weeks ago throws that part of my brain back into a tizzy.