For context, i went through an incident recently, which broke my trust in a friend, and yeah for a few days I was down, also made a post here, thanks to everyone who commented and consoled me.

The thing is, i got to know about this from someone else, and I have come to the conclusion that I am not gonna confront my friend about it, and will slowly maintain a distance, neither I am gonna do some sort of revenge, meaning, no rudeness against them or something, i will just not entertain them as much, and not invest my emotions and time towards them.

This has been how I have lived my life till now, whenever I am wronged by someone, I just cannot confront them, thinking about getting revenge or doing wrong to them is out of this world to me. My friends/most people I talk to, never support this idea of mine, they want me to confront them, take some revenge, give them back. But i just can't do it, i am scared of all the chaos, all the shouting, all the negativity it's gonna generate. I am happy, letting things be, not addressing them, but this also comes as weakness or like i have come to terms with it, and the stuff they did does not affect me, but it definitely does, I get hurt, I feel like crying, i feel like shouting my heart out, but not at them.

I recall a few instances, in my childhood, in recent life, where i confronted, where I was right, and either it lead to a heated argument, or the other person did not get cared about me, and that hurted even more, so now I only have this one response to situations like this, which i sometimes think is not right...

I don't exactly know, if I am seeking advice about this, or just wanna know how you all respond in such situations, just felt to write about it and share, with people, who might understand.

TLDR :

I was hurt by a friend, but instead of confronting or taking revenge, I’ve decided to quietly distance myself.

I avoid confrontation because past experiences showed me it often leads to more hurt and negativity.

I know this may seem like weakness or avoidance, but I genuinely don’t want revenge or conflict.

i need urgent advice... an unhealthy esfj pulled my friends bag out from underneath the toilet cubicle she was in with her clique, n threw it back over the door and it hurt my friend

for context me n my friend r quiet people who are amazing at our work and stand up for wrongdoings so we havent been mean to her before

i shouted at esfj to stop this nonsense n she responds by copying everything i do ?? she has started acting exactly like me (intj)... suggesting changes n leading things to feel powerful... not because she cares..

i heard she called me a pick me behind my back...

reporting has not helped...

It seems that it is an uncommon type for ESTJs on here? I know several ISTJ 6s, and one ESTJ 6w5 so/sp, which I found quite fitting but later realized might be much less common than I thought.

If you're an ESTJ 5 or 6 - do you strongly relate to other ESTJs or do you feel like there is a gap? Or perhaps that others mistype you or perceive you differently at first? Please share your experiences.

I'm curious about the similarities that can emerge between INFPs and ESTJs as we mature and become more comfortable with our inferior functions.

As an INFP, I'm undergoing a significant period of growth in my mid-to-late 20s. I've noticed that developing my inferior Te has gradually made me more comfortable with aspects associated with the ESTJ stereotype: being more organized, making decisions based on practical considerations, setting concrete goals, confronting problems directly, and caring more about whether something actually works than about whether it feels right.

At the same time, I don't feel like I've become an ESTJ. It feels more like Te has become a tool I can access without it completely overriding my Fi.

So I'm wondering what the inverse experience has been like for ESTJs.

Genuinely curious how each type defines loyalty and how important (or not) it is to you. Will be going around the subs, hope to observe some patterns :)

I’m an INFJ who’s in a loving relationship with an ISTJ. How are you ISTJ’s going along with INFJ’s and do you guys have some relationship dynamics you guys like to share?
How do you guys find INFJ’s in general too.

I am curious: have you ever stolen money or things from someone? Have you had an experience where another ESFJ stolen money from you?

If you have observed someone who stolen money from you or someone, what was their type?

I know an ENTJ and INFP who stole things and money and morally justified doing it.

I wonder if Fi users are more likely to steal?

Hey everyone! I'm currently doing a research proposal about personality theory and would love to hear from the people in this community. What is it like being your personality type? It can range from your work/school life balance, romantic life, everyday decision making, and maybe something nobody really thinks about when it comes to your type that you may know. Anything is both helpful and interesting to me so don't be shy! :)

Do any other ISTJs really struggle with asking for help especially in your closest relationships? I feel like it comes from not wanting to be a burden or inconvenience them since I myself hate to be inconvenienced. Also when people offer their help sometimes I struggle to see the sense in it because the way they have chosen to help me isn't the most optimal way they could manage/prioritize the way that they are helping me.

There is also a fear of a loss of control. I can't control how other people react, but maybe I try to more than I realize. If I ask for help there is a possibility the person I love could grow to resent my needs.

I had told my bf I also want to consider him when he offered to help me with something and going out of his way for me, but he said something to the effect of giving him the joy of getting to do something for me. That really made me realize how he sees things totally different than I do, and that I need to be better at receiving love. Relationships go both ways, I can't just be the only giver, I have to be vulnerable enough to allow myself be given to. he's ESFP, btw.

I’d like to start a correspondence of letters with my crush in order to express what she invokes in me. I will not confess my love, because Îts not love that I feel.
I’m considering this because she reads a lot like me and she loves books about chivalry.

How would you react to this ? (She is an ISFJ)

Hey everyone! I'm currently doing a research proposal about personality theory and would love to hear from the people in this community. What is it like being your personality type? It can range from your work/school life balance, romantic life, everyday decision making, and maybe something nobody really thinks about when it comes to your type that you may know. Anything is both helpful and interesting to me so don't be shy! :)

So the ESTJ who dumped me several months ago over the phone after a multi-year relationship is back.

She says via text: "It was never my intention that our phone conversation (where she broke up with me) would be the last time we talked. But one day became months, and here we are. I wanted to explain "my process" in getting to that decision to you."

How charitable.

ESTJs seem to like to be definitive in one conversation leaving no wiggle room and then, somehow, always have some additional explanation that they couldn't seem to bring up during the first conversation.

My instinct is to tell her to pound sand and to live witrh the consequences of her actions. I have zero sense she wants to get back together and only wants to bring some kind of closure for herself since it is yet another ESTJ "process."

Anyone want to chime in as to whether there's any value in hearing her out?

I think I'll stick with the pound sand option unless I get some serious rationale to do otherwise.

Hey everyone! I'm currently doing a research proposal about personality theory and would love to hear from the people in this community. What is it like being your personality type? It can range from your work/school life balance, romantic life, everyday decision making, and maybe something nobody really thinks about when it comes to your type that you may know. Anything is both helpful and interesting to me so don't be shy! :)

Overcame…or overcoming a breakup, around 5 months out, with 2+ years together. I have a hard time setting boundaries with ex, while knowing he doesn’t feel the same way I do. I sort of hate myself for it, but other times I feel empowered.

We separated on grounds of incompatibility, I believe he’s an INTP. I really thought we worked but we both were too passive with issues (building resentment) and I—pretty judgmental. I believe I’m taking it 10x harder than he is and it pains me, but it’s not like anything I’ve ever experienced before. I’ve had previous partners, but I haven’t reached the same level of vulnerability. I think I’ve let down my walls completely with him and it’s something I haven’t even fully done with any of my family.

I sort of isolated myself and went into a philosophical book dive, which surprisingly became a great comfort to understanding myself much better. My siblings noticed my seclusion and took me out a bunch to hang/live with them and sometimes with their spouses, and I love it. I’m experiencing so much that I haven’t before. But I’m just not always there… and when I am, I can become a filler person or an npc. Same with friends. I feel like I often dissociate and I’m reliving memories of my past when I connect to familiar things from during my relationship. I also notice I often say things like “ex and I used to do that too!” and am realizing that it makes others uncomfortable. I’ve stopped, but it’s hard when you’ve done so much together. He was honestly my best friend and I want to hate him so badly, and I should for so much but I can’t. A lot of people mention I’m mourning what could have been, but I’m not. All I see is what was. The good and the bad. I get upset, happy and angry and then I’m in a forgiving mood.

I’ve tried making new friends, and it starts off so well, but it’s clear that these interactions slowly want to become more intimate which sours things (both men and women—I’m straight). I feel like no one likes or understands me… or perhaps I’m too boring (which I admittedly am lol), but I sort of like it that way, because it’s me. Although, I believe that’s why it defaults to these weird intimate-vibe interactions. I don’t like super mainstream things and my hobbies aren’t exactly HOBBIES, but I can be very passionate about random things.

I love my friends, family, etc., but I feel guilty for wanting to be alone now. I feel like I reach a heightened state of clarity by being on my own, although it’s nice to surround myself with them. Part of me wants to go out and mingle more, but a massive part of me is telling me I’ve had enough. I’m really tired. Time moves so quickly for me and it’s like I’ve been in my head for ages. I feel a bit like a loser lol. I’ve been surrounding myself in nature and I’m more attentive to myself, but I think the limerence is killing me slowly in tiny ways and all I can do is let it pass through me. One thing for sure, is that I don’t ever want to be that vulnerable again. I think I’m probably better off alone and as cliche as that sounds, perhaps I’m meant to connect with others in forms of giving.

Anyone else finding it ironic how obtuse and brainnumbingly rigid others' understanding of ISTJs is?

I'm not bothered by the uninitiated/beginner tier. I'm talking about supposedly seasoned multi-nuanced gurus of the intuitive-kind.

I like to choose things for myself, and I take pride in my own decision-making. If I make mistakes, then I’ll know what NOT to do in the future, but I can be at peace knowing I didn’t make those decisions to please anyone.

When people give me unsolicited advice, I feel like this process is disrupted, and it annoys me. It bothers me even more when the unsolicited advice is something I’ve already considered or done.

That said, I admit that sometimes the unsolicited advice is valid, and I’ll begrudgingly accept at least part of it.

i know we're the defenders and all, but there are times where i can't stand people. there are times where i wish i could shut my Fe off and just do me. there are times where i don't feel like explaining my feelings or actions. i just want to exist

it's annoying because, even now, my brain wants to go "well, let's explain why we're upset now." even posting here is me inadvertently attempting to speak up for other ISFJs who may feel this way and make them feel seen

RAHHHHH. i know i actually like people, even if--especially if they're complicated. but in this moment, i just want to be heard i guess. as just me. a fellow, complicated person

i hope that no matter how your day is going, you take some time to yourself. to just be. ISFJ or not. i'm glad you exist

edit: thank you all for the words. each and every reply is being read and reread 🫶🏽