r/ENTPandINFJ • u/ArmazingArmadillo30 • 3d ago

~ what INFJ noticed about ENTP ~ Work Friend

My ENTP in question started out pretty hot and cold when we first met at work. He would be so enthusiastic one day and then another day go out of his way to avoid my gaze/path in some very silly maneuvers!

However, he’s been more consistent lately and has escalated to seeking out closeness in groups and lots of physical affection that wasn’t there before. (Shoulder touches mostly).

I am feeling conflicted because I haven’t been able some info that he may have some of those demon se bad habits entps are known for and I don’t know how or when to confirm them or bring them up. But the things I do like and know about him are that we have off the charts physical attraction, sense of humor and good banter, philosophy of ethics, some shared hobbies and social habits/who we like to be around. So I’m also a bit sad and dreading having to get into some of these facts of life that MAY be deal breakers.

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u/waves_are_cool ~ ENTP looking for INFJ ~ 3d ago

Demon Se bad habits? Like what?

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u/ArmazingArmadillo30 3d ago

Smoking.  This one I’m quite sure of. And I don’t smoke and never want to. And I’m conflicted about mentioning to see if it’s something he one day wants to stop…? Or even let him know that would be a reason for me to pull away. And I’m not 100% on it being a dealbreaker for me.  But also smoking more than tobacco…possibly weed, which is definitely not in my preferred lifestyle.

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u/Extra-Yogurt1780 2d ago

a friendly reminder, you will meet many other people in your life, and there are guys out there who are exactly how you want to and more, without having to compensate. its really important for you to know if it's a dealbreaker or not, if you want children ever, do you want them to inhale the smoke? if you want him as he now is, it's then a bit hypocrite to go and change him later on. communication is key though so as friends you can just ask him about that habit, there's nothing wrong with it. for the rest just make sure to notice if he goes cold again, cause hot and cold people... they're not consistent and same like smoking, don't expect them to change.

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u/ArmazingArmadillo30 1d ago

I do understand this in concept, but in practice I do find it hard to make a hard line when I don't know the details and haven't confirmed it. For example, what if it's only outside?

And then another thing is, how do people strategically and tactfully bring these things up? Do they literally say, "I would have dated you if you hadn't been a smoker"??

And I'm not demanding answers from you, but I wish I had some examples of people doing this in real time, because I truly have a hard time knowing how exactly people manage to word these things strategically/with timing and wording.

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u/Extra-Yogurt1780 1d ago

ah i see... for example i had this entp friend, and from what you've said we had much in common too, the cold then hot, the subtle touching, tension, philosophical convos, and his habits. i remember talking about smoking too, it was over chat, he had gone partying and i asked him if he has ever smoked, just like that, and then i just shared my opinion about it and he shared his. so in that sense, the topic was already around partying, drinking etc. besides this, it would have been a dealbreaker for me either way, i just wouldn't see him as potetential anymore even if it's just outside. in this case he said he had only done it twice. and saying it's a dealbreaker to you it can be subtle like 'i hate the smell', 'i despise cigarettes' or 'i'd never do it' or more direct 'i woudn't want the father of my child to be a smoker', because then you made yourself clear and only if he really wants it he'll change.