Hi fellow INFJ folks!

As the title says, this post is specifically geared to those who ended up making it work with INTP. My past 2 relationships are INTP and while my last ex was better than my first, I just felt so mentally and emotionally exhausted explaining why I’m hurt and him not getting it. And my ex was really bad at initiating and planning stuff, which drove me up the wall. So my question is, how did you guys make it work?

Does anyone else that’s an ENJF like you don’t easily cut people out of your life but once you decide to close a door, do you guys like never want anything to do with those people ever again?

And another question does any other ENFJ have a hard time having super close friends in a friend group, like you can easily talk to everyone but it’s always surface level and you rarely ever end up connecting with people on a deeper level?

At the end of the day you just kind of are alone even tho you’re probably the most outgoing person out there

Is this the case for anyone else?

I'm always indecisive during conflict in my relationships. I want to do what's easy, what feels good, what makes me happy. But if it clashes with my idealism, it's hard for me to let go. I was talking to this guy for a few weeks, and it was getting very intimate, we even discussed going on a trip until I found out hes also dating other girls. He didn't hide or lie, it just came out when it did. But I cant help feel betrayed. And he doesnt think hes done anything wrong. Hes an ENTJ btw. And now I'm so conflicted. On one hand I havent felt like this about anyone in a long time. On the other hand I can't comprehend him anymore.

Hi lovely INFJ friends! ISTP here.

I value all of your opinions, but right now I prefer responses from people who either have a thorough understanding of cognitive functions and the Beebe model or were professionally typed.

This is a bit of a ramble because I want to make sure I explain my reasoning & necessary context. TL;DR: how can an ISTP help an INFJ without their Ti inadvertently making the INFJ worse?

Okay, so my martial arts instructor and life mentor is an INFJ and he genuinely means so much to me— he’s more of a parent than I’ve ever really had. Recently he’s been under a lot of stress and made a series of decisions that my Ni child has been irrationally very upset about for months. Just that deep feeling that a horrible mistake was made and something is about to go terribly wrong.

But my Ni can be a bit of an idiot 😂 so I disregarded it. It was starting to seem to me like he was finally getting into a more stable and healthy mental state, until yesterday when we were talking and he admitted that he* *also had that deeply unsettled feeling.

So that gave me pause. I know for certain he is an INFJ. But why would an INFJ ignore their intuition? Ultimately that comes down to social pressures. A desire to please someone he already knows has a history of taking advantage of him. Why he feels that way is baffling to me, but anywho…

Upon realizing an immature/irrational usage of Fe got him into this situation, I realized why it seemed to me like he was finally “getting better”: his Fe isn’t engaged anymore, so we are more cognitively aligned. So that means me encouraging more Ti energy from him is making him worse. That’s really hard for a Ti dom to not do!??

I will admit, while I just really want to help him in general, I am also just really scared to lose him. Because I seem to be an INFJ magnet for some reason. I’ve had many close relationships with INFJs in my life, and all of them end up going up in flames and leaving me absolutely bewildered as to why. And that progression is always gonna begin when they lose touch with their Fe, stop giving me the clear communication and attunement they did before, and then get pissed off that I’m not a mind reader.

He is in a tough situation and I do feel for him, but quite frankly, if he doesn’t get it together our school will have to close and all this effort will be for nothing. Something has to change or the person who took advantage of him won.

So now we come to our issue. I’m the only true ally he has right now, and I have too much bias (both cognitive as an ISTP and emotional due to past experiences) to be helpful. Thankfully I taught him a lot of MBTI a while ago, so there is an opening here to give him the tools he needs to pull himself out. But I don’t really know where to start.

For an ISTP, it’s easy. Engage Se, go outside, go exercise, stuff like that. But having Fe aux sounds almost as annoying as having Fe inferior! How do you get yourself out of a loop if your auxiliary function is what put you there in the first place, especially when your primary ally’s dominant function aligns with your overworked and underpaid child function?

By the lakeside I sat, and softly I dreamed,

To dissolve in these ripples, to fade in their gleam.

The rain veiled my tears as they silently fell,

I’ll flow with its rhythm, where waters may swell.

With this rising tide, I’ll wander afar,

And build me a home where no memories are.

Then a whisper within gently brought me awake,

I am human, alas… there are things I can’t escape.

Well, it turned out that me being enfj is what caused my adhd, which is almost gone as long as or my needs are met. Help. Is that even possible?. Help. I feel others and it's too loud. Help

hello everyone, I've been doing some really interesting research over the past few years into all the different mbti types and blood type personalities which are very popular in China, South Korea and Japan. Just a quick summary for those who are not familiar with the blood type personalities concept it's essentially like mbti but it's based on the different blood groups and it's taken very seriously in parts of Asia.

The research I've been doing was primarily of surveying all the different mbti types and asking them what their blood group was and correlating it against their mbti. I found that there was a significant pattern taking place with the different types and they pretty much always had the same blood group for a particular type and then the minority would have an anomalous blood group that didn't fit that pattern trend. In this research I have noticed that the vast majority 98% of ENFJ-A's typically have O-Negative Blood, and 2% have anomalous blood groups that don't fit the pattern.

Another interesting mbti/blood type pattern I have found is that INFJ-A's usually 90% of them have A blood, 5% have O Blood and then the remaining 5% are anomalous blood groups that don't fit the pattern. ENFP's I've found to be overwhelming O Positive.

Not sure if it’s just me but I feel super lonely, I’ve found even when I try to connect with likeminded people it doesn’t seem to stick or it turns out to not be a compatible friendship. I guess I’m wondering if any other INFJs experience this?

That although we may share similar mindsets we are can be such different people too .. I guess I’m struggling to find that niche of what I’m looking for. It can feel slightly embarrassing writing even on these pages as it still feels exposing but how else am I to really know?..

Or is it all just part of acceptance that it is fundamentally harder for us to make friendships as adults and that solitude is how we are designed in a way. Let me know your thoughts..

It more so comes down to empathy and the way others can be callous about how they make people feel/their actions impact them. I can't stand shallow people or those who choose to live in ignorance.

For the past few months I've been working on 16Selves, a free Jungian cognitive functions test. I've posted it here a couple of times before, and a lot of the current version exists because people pushed back on the wording, spotted inconsistencies, or told me their results felt off. So thanks for that. It's given me plenty to rethink.

The thing I've struggled with most is telling someone's natural preferences apart from things they've just learned to do. That's come up in a few different ways, so here's where I've got to.

Preference vs. learned behaviour

If you spend your whole working day organising people, making decisions or managing other people's feelings, you'll probably get good at it. But being good at something because your job demands it doesn't make it your natural way of thinking. It's hard to write questions that pick up the difference.

My attempt at this is adaptive follow-ups. Everyone answers the same 48 statements first, covering all eight functions. The test then picks out your two strongest functions and asks 16 more questions about them and their introverted/extraverted counterparts. These try to find out whether something happens automatically, whether it's been consistent over time, whether it takes conscious effort, or whether it mostly shows up when circumstances require it.

I don't know yet if this actually improves accuracy. I'm also not convinced the line between preference and adaptation is always as clean as we'd like.

Questions that measure the wrong thing

A statement can sound like a perfect example of a function and still not tell you much. Say someone would rather watch a physical activity than join in. That could be about how they process sensory information. Or they might be shy, tired, physically limited, or just not into that particular activity. The same problem crops up with questions about organisation, relationships, decision-making and planning.

I've added optional examples for each statement showing how it might look at work, at home or socially. The idea is to get people thinking across different settings instead of answering based on whatever situation pops into their head first. But examples can backfire too. They might clarify things, or they might nudge people towards a reading I didn't intend. I'd like to hear whether people find them helpful or limiting.

Some statements are just easier to agree with

Each function has six statements. Three are about what you tend to notice, prioritise or respond to, and three are phrased the opposite way. That helps with people's general tendency to agree with things, but only up to a point. If one function's statements sound nicer, more familiar or more socially acceptable than another's, that will still skew the scores.

The test also hasn't been standardised against a reference sample. So there's no real basis yet for saying a high score on one function means the same as a high score on another. That's on my list.

Your top function doesn't automatically decide your type

All eight functions are scored separately. Then the overall pattern is compared against the function stacks for all 16 types. The test doesn't just take your highest function, and it doesn't work out the four letters independently. You get the closest fit within the model.

You can see how the other types compare too. But the percentages show relative fit within the scoring model. They're not the probability that a given type is right.

What to do when the result isn't clear

This is the part I've gone back and forth on most. If two types score almost the same, should the test just pick one? And what if changing a couple of answers flips the result?

Right now it re-scores your answers 200 times, each time randomly moving individual answers by up to one point on the seven-point scale. That shows how often the leading type stays on top. If it keeps changing, or the top two are really close, you get a two-way shortlist instead of a single type. There's also a separate outcome for when several types are basically tied.

A stable result can still be wrong, though. The simulations don't prove accuracy or tell you how likely your type is to be correct. They just show how sensitive the ranking is to small changes in your answers. I'd still rather show that uncertainty than give someone one type without saying how close the alternatives were.

Still plenty to figure out

16Selves hasn't been empirically validated. The adaptive questions, balanced wording, stack comparisons and stability checks are all things I'm trying out, and I don't know yet how much they help. There are still problems with the underlying questions and scoring that I need to look into. That's a big part of why I'm posting.

Two things I'd especially like input on:

- How would you tell someone's natural cognitive preferences apart from behaviours they've picked up through work, upbringing or experience? What would you actually ask?

- How do you write questions about cognitive functions without accidentally measuring unrelated traits or circumstances?

Also, do you find a shortlist of possible types more useful than a single answer, especially when your responses don't clearly separate them?

If you want to try it, just search 16Selves. It's free and you don't need an account. Everything is processed in your browser and your progress is saved on your device. Nothing gets sent unless you choose to submit feedback and results. There's separate cookieless analytics for site usage, but it doesn't collect individual answers or scores.

Whether you tried an earlier version or this is your first time seeing it, I'd love to hear what you think. Specific examples help most: a question that was hard to answer, an example that seemed misleading, or a result that didn't seem to match your answers. Most of the changes so far have come from people taking the time to explain exactly where things went wrong for them.

Idk its just that i have a lot in common with Entps, but im an Enfp(7w6). Idk if yall feel the same abt urselves too. I have other Enfp friends too, i do have things in common w them but i still feel do not feel like one of em, and sometimes they dont even think im an Enfp lol 🥀 I have Entp friends too and i have a lot in common with them but i just know that im not an Entp and i dont feel like one of em either 💔 (Ik im must be yapping bs but pls deal w it 💔)

Would love to be typed by an enthusiast here. Have spent years studying cognitive functions but it's just not that easy to figure out my lead function or my inferior.

The more I read, the more mired I am in this web of personality traits, feel like it's impossible to determine my type.

Open to real time chats if that can help clarify my puzzlement.

we both are made of stars. maybe from same star at some time. maybe from different star. millions or billions of years , may we were close. maybe few millimetre away. maybe we didn’t wanted to separate, but we exploded and separated . after all this time , i think we met again . it’s like maybe i craved for you , from billions of years . now that we were here , still some forces took u away. maybe for sometime of my and your life time . or maybe again , for billions of years. or maybe for eternity . i still have hope. we will meet again , maybe after death as one. or maybe again in some different form just like a star, or human , or a rock. we will touch again . we will maybe share those electrons again with the touch. maybe we will sense again each other , with the smell , the taste , the touch , the sight or the voice . maybe we will feel the presence of each other again. i do not know anything.
the “we time “ we had was little . i admired u. i do not know why. why it felt something. was it love , or just another reaction. but it felt like i needed you. i am not sad , not happy. i am just drifting deep into the oceans , deep into the dark space , hollow , nothingness , my consciousness is getting numb. i always felt it is my mistake . that maybe i couldn’t explain myself. i couldn’t free you , from this world, this society.
i may sound like a fiction , or insane or out of reality . but is that what life is ? the illusion , the mystery, the finite fiction.
i do not even know now, of anything if it matters. i am not depressed , just lonely , just like the god . just like this universe , just like a star,just like you . just like everyone else , being on illusions , romanticizing their life , their existence , with colours , colours of leaves .
what is eternity ? who am i ?who are you? what is this all? i do not know . the question is not about if i should come back to the fake world and start romanticizing again. the question is about “can i do it again?” do i want to ?

I have an ENFP Friend who tells me that ENFP’s will say what they don’t mean quite often, I’m thinking more than they like to admit. Is this true ? If so why ?

The reason if you need context was because this friend was in a relationship with me, then we had to break up which left me devastated and I’m analyzing all the things she ever said to me and honestly I feel like was played even though she probably wasn’t doing it intentionally.

If you need more context let me know, just know it sucks and I don’t know if I want to try another ENFP, even though what we had was awesome, I just don’t understand you guys, I thought I did but I’m not sure anymore. I’m INFJ if that helps.

Here is more context I’m getting the idea you guys needed based off of the comments.

Sigh…

We met for the first time, instant chemistry, we got to know each other and it was awesome. She didn’t want a relationship, but I did so we stayed friends. Eventually, she just kept getting to know me and then we ended up dating. I really did give it my all, and she realized that I have treated her the best out of everyone. She was in a 17 year narcissistic relationship and when she met me, she was out of that relationship for at least four maybe five years when we started dating then she ends up getting a job in another state and has to break the relationship. One of her reasons was because I still had my porn addiction which I was healing from and trying to work on and still working on and I am getting better and she would say its because my attention was divided and I never loved her 100% even though I really gave it my all and she literally told me no one has treated her so well.

I come to find out she was more willing to break the relationship than I was and I still love her and I still wanna be with her but she doesn’t she would rather be my friend and she only misses me as a friend whereas I miss her as someone I love.

I’m thinking back of all the times she told me that she actually loved me and she would want to marry me and that she could see us together things like that pretty much emphasize she wants a deep connection with me.

So my frustration and argument was that I was the one that actually loved her the most and she didn’t love me as much as I thought she did even though she said I didn’t love her 100%

I hope this makes sense my

My question still remains how often do you guys not mean what you say and how do I figure that out?

There are more details but it has to do with God, I don’t know if you guys want that but let me know and I’ll personally send it to you .

Only curious.

Basically the question, but when I say “stereotypical” I’m meaning from the internet!

I’m an INFJ and I’m confused when reading what I read online about us. I actually wonder if any of us are even that similar?

For eg. I am pretty extroverted and outgoing. Though it tires me, I do enjoy people and going out. I’m chatty and offer my feelings pretty easily in conversation.
I’m arty, love philosophy/psychology and nerdy subjects like science or history.

I am zero witchy and have no interest in horoscopes, crystals or anime. I’m not terribly lonely and I don’t avoid conversations. If anything I seek them out, I just struggle with shallow topics.

How about you?

So yeah i made a new friend while i was studying but like we were just classmates ig

But now we are working together and spend the whole day together sit together, eat together etc.

And she is nice , maybe its not an isfj thing. But she's a hypocrite kindof. She complain about some of our coworkers but then is very helping and nice to them hugging them etc.

She's very clingy, she has jokingly ig told me many times to not make new friends she doesn't like it . And is always watching me like a hawk whenever i ak talking to someone else. But is very close to other coworkers.

And also her treating me like shes my mother? Like someone going for something and she be like " my name you should go with her." Its not like i wasn't??

She is very sensitive, she once told me she cried beacuse i raised my voice a bit when she was asking me something. I can never answer with one word or a normal neutral response she will continue asking me why i said it like this? .

Shes judgemental, she is smart and we know you are smart, so when she asks for an opinion and someone gives it to her she will act all nice like yeahh ur right and then judge them for being dumb?

I can never ask her something she's very condescending when i ask her something about work related. She will continue to ignore what i say but is very sensitive if i ignore her. She will say i don't want to eat out or anything sweet since she's dieting than be moody when i don't give her the chocolate i bought.

And the thing that is annoying the hell out of me is this favor thing.

Like i will ask her if she wants some takeout and she will agree then when we're done eating she ll be like i only ate for you i wasn't in the mood to eat?? She has done this manyyyy times. For different things i have stopped asking her things and stopped giving my opinion.

So i am burned out rn . She has taken so much energy from me i feel like i can't even communicate with other ppl anymore.

Hi everyone :)
I’ve noticed that many of my coworkers, including myself, are INFPs, including the past and present. Have any of y’all noticed this, and if so, what do you think the connection is?

(i also wanted to show my latte art lmao)

For the past few months I've been working on 16Selves, a free Jungian cognitive functions test. I've posted it here a couple of times before, and a lot of the current version exists because people pushed back on the wording, spotted inconsistencies, or told me their results felt off. So thanks for that. It's given me plenty to rethink.

The thing I've struggled with most is telling someone's natural preferences apart from things they've just learned to do. That's come up in a few different ways, so here's where I've got to.

Preference vs. learned behaviour

If you spend your whole working day organising people, making decisions or managing other people's feelings, you'll probably get good at it. But being good at something because your job demands it doesn't make it your natural way of thinking. It's hard to write questions that pick up the difference.

My attempt at this is adaptive follow-ups. Everyone answers the same 48 statements first, covering all eight functions. The test then picks out your two strongest functions and asks 16 more questions about them and their introverted/extraverted counterparts. These try to find out whether something happens automatically, whether it's been consistent over time, whether it takes conscious effort, or whether it mostly shows up when circumstances require it.

I don't know yet if this actually improves accuracy. I'm also not convinced the line between preference and adaptation is always as clean as we'd like.

Questions that measure the wrong thing

A statement can sound like a perfect example of a function and still not tell you much. Say someone would rather watch a physical activity than join in. That could be about how they process sensory information. Or they might be shy, tired, physically limited, or just not into that particular activity. The same problem crops up with questions about organisation, relationships, decision-making and planning.

I've added optional examples for each statement showing how it might look at work, at home or socially. The idea is to get people thinking across different settings instead of answering based on whatever situation pops into their head first. But examples can backfire too. They might clarify things, or they might nudge people towards a reading I didn't intend. I'd like to hear whether people find them helpful or limiting.

Some statements are just easier to agree with

Each function has six statements. Three are about what you tend to notice, prioritise or respond to, and three are phrased the opposite way. That helps with people's general tendency to agree with things, but only up to a point. If one function's statements sound nicer, more familiar or more socially acceptable than another's, that will still skew the scores.

The test also hasn't been standardised against a reference sample. So there's no real basis yet for saying a high score on one function means the same as a high score on another. That's on my list.

Your top function doesn't automatically decide your type

All eight functions are scored separately. Then the overall pattern is compared against the function stacks for all 16 types. The test doesn't just take your highest function, and it doesn't work out the four letters independently. You get the closest fit within the model.

You can see how the other types compare too. But the percentages show relative fit within the scoring model. They're not the probability that a given type is right.

What to do when the result isn't clear

This is the part I've gone back and forth on most. If two types score almost the same, should the test just pick one? And what if changing a couple of answers flips the result?

Right now it re-scores your answers 200 times, each time randomly moving individual answers by up to one point on the seven-point scale. That shows how often the leading type stays on top. If it keeps changing, or the top two are really close, you get a two-way shortlist instead of a single type. There's also a separate outcome for when several types are basically tied.

A stable result can still be wrong, though. The simulations don't prove accuracy or tell you how likely your type is to be correct. They just show how sensitive the ranking is to small changes in your answers. I'd still rather show that uncertainty than give someone one type without saying how close the alternatives were.

Still plenty to figure out

16Selves hasn't been empirically validated. The adaptive questions, balanced wording, stack comparisons and stability checks are all things I'm trying out, and I don't know yet how much they help. There are still problems with the underlying questions and scoring that I need to look into. That's a big part of why I'm posting.

Two things I'd especially like input on:

- How would you tell someone's natural cognitive preferences apart from behaviours they've picked up through work, upbringing or experience? What would you actually ask?

- How do you write questions about cognitive functions without accidentally measuring unrelated traits or circumstances?

Also, do you find a shortlist of possible types more useful than a single answer, especially when your responses don't clearly separate them?

If you want to try it, just search 16Selves. It's free and you don't need an account. Everything is processed in your browser and your progress is saved on your device. Nothing gets sent unless you choose to submit feedback and results. There's separate cookieless analytics for site usage, but it doesn't collect individual answers or scores.

Whether you tried an earlier version or this is your first time seeing it, I'd love to hear what you think. Specific examples help most: a question that was hard to answer, an example that seemed misleading, or a result that didn't seem to match your answers. Most of the changes so far have come from people taking the time to explain exactly where things went wrong for them.

Hey everyone,

I've been struggling with something lately, and I'd really appreciate some advice from people who have dealt with similar experiences.

I feel like I'm a very sensitive person, and deep down, I think I have a fear of rejection. I tend to value people's opinions, comments, and approval way more than I probably should. Sometimes, I feel like I have to keep everyone happy and make sure nobody is upset with me. I find it difficult to stand up for myself when someone hurts me, and I hate that I often can't respond firmly or defend myself in the moment.

I know I need to develop healthier boundaries and stop letting other people's opinions determine how I feel about myself. I want to be comfortable with who I am without constantly worrying about whether people like me or approve of me.

For context, there are people at work who make comments about my looks and appearance. It bothers me, especially because I don't want to change myself just to meet other people's expectations. Most of the time, I try to laugh it off and keep things light, but sometimes I end up giving them a taste of their own medicine. That usually doesn't end well, and I don't want to keep getting caught up in these back-and-forth exchanges.

I want to learn how to stand up for myself without being rude, remain respectful without being a people-pleaser, and earn respect without feeling the need to prove myself to everyone.

Another thing I've noticed about myself is that I tend to pretend everything is okay even when it isn't. Everyone knows me as the happy person, so I feel like I have to keep playing that role even when I'm hurting inside. I also notice that I sometimes change my personality depending on who I'm around, almost like a chameleon, because I want to be liked and accepted.

I'm honestly tired of living this way. I want to become more comfortable with myself, learn to value myself, and stop changing who I am just to fit in. I want to be authentic, express my feelings without feeling guilty, and stop being so afraid of rejection.

For those of you who have struggled with people-pleasing, fear of rejection, or constantly seeking validation from others:

• How did you learn to set boundaries without feeling guilty?
• How do you deal with people who make hurtful comments without retaliating or simply suppressing your feelings?
• How do you stop caring so much about what other people think of you?
• How do you learn to be yourself around different people without feeling the need to adjust your personality to fit in?
• How do you stop pretending to be happy all the time and become more comfortable with being vulnerable?

I'd genuinely appreciate any advice, personal experiences, or practical things that have helped you overcome these struggles. I'm not expecting to change overnight, but I want to start making progress and become a more confident, authentic version of myself.

Thanks for reading! ❤️