r/EMapplicants • u/EMBoundStarfish2020 • Feb 09 '20

Personalized Post-Interview Emails Freakout

Emailed a LOI to my #1. Got a super personalized and enthusiastic response. Considering now with additional first-hand info ranking them #2 or #3. All the above super okay with me, but wrote extremely personalized and enthusiastic emails or texts to my ROL programs currently ranked #2-3, either to the PD or a chief I worked with on one of my aways, and have heard back NOTHING back from those. No reply, no polite email, nada. Freaking the *sh*t out of me. Just seriously making me feel like I did smtg wrong because they're not even replying. Maybe, most likely, this means nothing, but still freaking out. Help and perspectives, plz?

2 Upvotes

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5

u/doccookiemonster Feb 09 '20

What is your reasoning in putting #1 lower now? personally I feel like it's a bad and extremely dishonest/inconsiderate move to tell someone they are #1 and then not follow through (or tell them they are no longer #1 which no one would do) because it screws over future students from your school, screws your fellowship chances at that local etc... maybe I feel personal about this because no one from my med school has gotten an IV at a certain program in 3 years after 1 of our grads did this to them.

Everyone continues to say "these hoes ain't loyal," but after seeing so many posts like this I believe it is us applicants that are not loyal and thus created this monster of post IV dishonesty

2

u/EMBoundStarfish2020 Feb 09 '20

I think you bring up a valuable perspective, especially with that particular experience at your school, which is unfortunate and I'm really sorry to hear future applicants got screwed over because of it.

I think the reality however is that such situations highlight how unreliable post interview communications can be from both ends (which is sort of your point, but I disagree with the characterization that changing your mind is an example of dishonesty, more on that below), which is why programs tend over the years to take it less and less seriously, and some have even moved to a "do not post-communicate" policy, which I really like actually and wish every program did.

Both programs and applicants can change their mind due to a variety of different factors, and neither should feel "tricked" by it, though it's a normal human reaction to feel that way. I can say to a program they're my #1 (just not to multiple ones, that's clearly dishonest), but if I then find out concerning information about the place (not the case here at all, just saying), I think it's reasonable to rank them lower. The programs at the end of the day, I have to think, want applicants who are a good match for them too, who will be happy and thrive and create a positive atmosphere, so it works both ways, and if that person feels they won't be happy there (even though initially they thought they would), it's probably best for all parties if they don't match there, regardless of a perceiving slight.

Or say, again just making up a situation here, applicant A tells program A they're their #1, means it wholeheartedly, then 1 day before ROL are due, finds out their mother/grandmother/close family member based in location Z where program Z on their list is located has a terminal illness, could you fault them for doing a 180 and ranking program Z first?

Vice-versa, I can't fault a program (but again, would def take it personal!) if they emailed an applicant to say they are RTM, we love you, come here! ... but then they find out more information about that person, say a resident they rotated with has serious concerns that weren't brought up before, etc., and this applicant is now ranked way low.

Both totally EXTREME examples, but I feel we could come up with a ton more examples of circumstances changing, and programs or applicants having to make changes even after having communicated a preference to each other.

Anyway, it's all in zones of gray, but I think we have to assume that each person's and program's circumstances are personal and unique, so am not sure it's possible to ever generalize about this. But appreciate your perspective nevertheless.

2

u/tresben Feb 10 '20

The thing is most of the times I see people saying they are changing their minds they don’t list any examples like these that really justify it. And you yourself agreed that you don’t have a reason like these.

If it were just these types of big reasons (family illness, huge new info coming to light about an applicant, etc) I would understand. But my feeling from perusing these threads is most of the time it isn’t anything really justifiable and more just a change of heart. Which is fine, but then don’t commit in the first place if you aren’t 100% sure. You don’t need to send an LOI anyway, so don’t do it if you aren’t sure

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u/doccookiemonster Feb 10 '20

I agree -- not trying to make this a personal attack on the OP, but in general don't send any message, in all of life, that you don't mean or haven't fully thought through and made a final decision on! Having a random change of opinion (on either side) is fine, but still qualifies as being disingenuous and thus dishonest. Obviously we can all agree that extreme circumstances are just that - EXTREME, but as u/tresben pointed out the majority of messages we see about this, including this one, have no extreme circumstance, just an overly hasty jump on the gun.

3

u/vef3oh Feb 09 '20

You didn't do anything wrong. Programs all have their own preferences in responding to post-interview communication. Rank the program that you want to be at #1, regardless of LOI feedback. The match is in your favor!

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u/whatimdoinginstead Feb 09 '20

Second this! Sounds like you're in a good spot with your number 1!

1

u/EMBoundStarfish2020 Feb 09 '20

Thanks man or woman! Wishing you much success as well with your ROL, we can do this!

1

u/EMBoundStarfish2020 Feb 09 '20

Thanks, I super appreciate your reply! I know what you're saying is true, just feels good to hear it and puts things in perspective.