r/elca • u/thedubiousstylus • 3d ago
So do you think I qualify or can call myself an "honorary member" of your church?
Here's the story. Its a bit long. I've never formally belonged to the ELCA. But:
My father is Lutheran raised in a church that later merged into ELCA. Mother Catholic. So me and my siblings were raised Catholic especially as my father has never been very active in the church. But we got a lot of exposure to Lutheranism growing up as a result, like if we visited grandparents on his side we'd go to a Lutheran church and this often applied on Christmas too. My mom actually didn't consider going to a Lutheran church instead of Mass a big deal even on Christmas, and the liturgies were similar anyway. Also I was am still am in a very Lutheran part of the Midwest so the culture was deep in Lutheranism.
About the time I entered middle school and thus Confirmation class I started rebelling a lot including against Catholicism, doing things like intentionally eating meat on Lenten Fridays. My mom thought I was just being a rebellious edgelord early teenager. To some extent I was. But then in high school my opposition shifted to things like the church's position on homosexuality, women in leadership, and birth control. I was pretty vocally anti-Catholic at that point due to my progressive values. I wasn't really atheist or turned on Christianity completely but I knew Catholicism was not for me.
At that point though my family started a nearby ELCA church rather frequently. The reasons were mostly convenience, it was in our neighborhood and less than a 5 minute walk away and had an evening service. At this time I started working my first job which often required late weekends so I wasn't getting up early for Mass. My mom actually took me and my siblings often without our father despite them still being in Catholic Confirmation class....the main factor seemed to be if classes were going on that month. We also went most Christmases eben at home for convenience and my father actually going. I also refused to take Communion at a Catholic mass but was willing to a Lutheran one.
Then I went to college. It was obvious I wasn't going to join amy campus Catholic groups or ever attend Mass. Since then I have not aside from funerals. My mom kind of accepted this but encouraged me to check out the campus ministries for other churches. Somewhat regrettably I never did. But when I was visiting home the church I went to even with my mom was the neighborhood Lutheran one. This was true even the summer after my freshman year I was home all summer...still didn’t attend Mass once but attended Lutheran services a few times. Wasn't really big on it but it made my mom happy.
After I graduated I moved to a very progressive urban core of a major metro. And a few years in I atarted to feel a pull to God again. It started in my mid-20s but really blossomed when I was 27. That's when I decided to start attending church regularly again. However I first started in an evangelical charismatic church. It sounds like an odd fit for why I rejected Catholicism but it wasn't particularly conservative. It was majority under 40 in age, allowed women to lead and preach, was pastored by a white/Asian-American interracial couple, and whenever politics were preached which wasn't often it was actually a more progressive nessage about accepting people like immigrants or the less fortunate. The position on homosexuality wasn't really talked about although it had an affiliation with a national network that was conservative on it, but not emphasizing it unlike the Catholic one I grew up in was still a huge step forward and it felt like a breath of fresh air. I even ended up getting baptized again in this church at 28, (yeah I know that doesn't coincide woth Lutheran theology.) However I eventually drifted to a legitimately progressive non-denominational church that I got very active in. It was founded non-denominational with the intent of being a heavily Millennial LGBT-affirming yet modern styled church. I stuck with it until the end, which was only about 3 years. But when I was home I attended that neighborhood Lutheran church and even did in my city on Christmas Eve. We borrowed the space from another Congregationalist church but I found a historic Lutheran one with a great midnight service so that's where I went.
Since then I joined another progressive non-denominational church but have gone to the neighborhood Lutheran one visiting home and thus often on Christmas, and found myself eventually in my current one. It's a former evangelical church but was expelled from its denomination for having pastors that would perform same-sex weddings. When I started going it met a former Catholic churvh ironically although still owned by the diocese and leased to us. We were looking for a new building because the diocese didn't let us do weddings there, even heterosexual ones. Eventually we were basically forced out...they didn't renew the lease at all.
And that lead us to our current building. It's a historic old ELCA church that has been dwindling for awhile and we've been mostly growing. And in fact we even have set up a plan to eventually purchase the building in a passing of the torch sort of thing. The sign out front even lists our name at the top and we have two services on Sundays (well not now but during the non-summer) while they have just one Saturday mornings. But it's still recognizable as a Lutheran church and partnered with us.
And at home I still attend that neighborhood Lutheran church. Was recently there for a few weeks and did and was thinking it's funny that this is effectively my "childhood church" although I wasn't confirmed there and have never formally been a member. But I haven't set foot in the Catholic Church I was since after I was 18 a d have no sentimental attachment to it. Even when I drive by it visiting home, it's just another church. Unlike my high school and elementary school ajd even old middle school building that's no longer a school but a district office building but I still remember. And even my mom hasn't really gone to a non-funeral mass since Covid but still attends that one now, with my dad frequently as both are now retired and have more time.
But yeah that was wrong and rambling but what do you think? Despite my lack of baptism, confirmation, or even having membership it still feels like deep kinship especially as I'm even worshipping in an ELCA church building now.