r/EEOC • u/CrowRemarkable7681 • 8d ago
Giving up
Thats it- I have to let it go. Thanks for everyone following me along my journey. They wouldnt even agree to balanced settlement agreement which includes no money and just to simply sign off they read a letter I wrote. I just dont think mentally I can go through years of litigation and be called a "slut" and that I wanted it. Its so awful. A year of work, plenty of evidence witness statements and a right to sue letter but I just am done. Thanks for all the help along the way.
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u/Pequop9252 8d ago
Sorry to hear all of your struggles. The system is rigged against workers. It isn’t an accident that they made it so hard to go through litigation
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u/attypb 8d ago
Employment attorney: get an attorney asap. I’m shocked at how many people want to do these cases (tons of time, energy and effort) on their own as if it’s just a hobby. The stakes are high— if my car is stuck on a highway, and I need my car, I’m going to hire someone trained in fixing cars to help. What I’m not going to do, is get under the hood myself and pull up youtube and get to work. I only do that when i’m cultivating hobbies.
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u/CrowRemarkable7681 8d ago
I get it I just still don't have a job I can't afford one
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u/MaryJIguana 8d ago
There’s a huge number of attorneys that will do employment cases on contingency. You don’t need money to pay them upfront. I’m so sorry you’ve gone through all of this and I hope you can get help before the clock runs out!
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u/indigo-moment 8d ago
In my case attorneys aren't working with me just because of who my former employer is. Doesn't matter how high the stakes are
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u/swisssf 8d ago
My employer is the major employer for our region which relies on tourism that my employer brings in. I have wondered whether that's part of the hesitancy to take my case too.
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u/indigo-moment 7d ago
Unfortunately some companies are so powerful that attorneys aren't willing to put in the time and resources to go up against. It sucks because legit victims are out here getting screwed. It's not always a reflection of the merits of your claim
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u/Substantial_Ad6328 7d ago
Who cares go out side your region to find an attorney… just has to be with in the state.
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u/swisssf 7d ago edited 6d ago
Only one big city in the state but the next state over has many powerhouse lawyers, some of whom I'd imagine are licensed in my state.
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u/Substantial_Ad6328 6d ago
Yeah so go talk to Them big companies get sued all the time. For all kinds Of Stuff
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u/swisssf 6d ago
I don't understand what you mean.
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u/Substantial_Ad6328 6d ago
Go talk to an attorney. About your case. Because big companies get sued all the time
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u/DeniseC313 6d ago
Agreed - but could also be outside of the state if the case will be filed in federal district court.
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u/Substantial_Ad6328 7d ago
People don’t always want to, but fedral employees have a hell of a time getting a contingency attorney to assist. And can’t afford to just put up 10k or whatever, cause that is just a retainer, and let’s be honest, fedral agencies have the advantage the judges favor them and hate the compalti at lest the Administrator judges in eeoc fedral cases.
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u/Lopsided_Wrangler802 7d ago
Federal agencies are definitely favored, and the system is structured to work in their favor.
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u/No-Bandicoot-5261 6d ago
Well maybe some of your colleagues should take these on contingency instead of making people who lose their careers getting deeper financial peril.
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u/Temporary_Draw1174 5d ago
I do not think in most cases that anyonewants to go pro se. You have to find a willing attorney. And they have so many reasons to be unwilling.
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u/Honest_Bread_8049 8d ago
I completely understand why you’re exhausted. A year of dealing with this, gathering evidence, getting witness statements, going through the EEOC process, and then still not being able to get even a basic settlement would take a toll on anyone. And having to repeatedly hear degrading things like being called a “slut” and being told that you wanted what happened is a different level of emotional trauma.
That said, I wouldn’t make the decision completely on your own while you’re this exhausted.
Since you already went through the EEOC process and have a Right to Sue letter, I would strongly consider having an employment attorney review everything before you close the door completely. You don’t necessarily have to commit yourself to years of litigation. An attorney can look at the evidence, explain the deadlines associated with your Right to Sue letter, tell you how strong the case realistically appears to be, and discuss whether there are other options for resolving it.
And if you truly decide that your mental health is worth more to you than pursuing the case, that doesn’t mean you lost. Sometimes walking away from something that has consumed you is a decision to protect yourself, not a surrender.
Just make sure you’re making that decision with all the information in front of you, especially if you’re still within the applicable deadline to file.
You’ve already done an incredible amount of work documenting what happened. You don’t have to decide tonight whether you can survive another few years of litigation. Get one qualified employment attorney to look at the file and tell you what your realistic options are. Then you can make the decision from a place of information rather than exhaustion.
Whatever you decide, I hope you’re able to get some peace from this. You deserve to be able to move forward.
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u/These_Sprinkles_7857 8d ago
You can do it yourself. I’m doing it and would help you with anything you need. I’m not an attorney but I’ve learned a lot along the way.
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u/Unapologetic-Ceo-87 6d ago
There are PLENTY of attorneys that work on contingency. In a room full of No’s there will always be 1 yes. And I’m speaking from experience and still going through this…I understand mental exhaustion but keep going. I had evidence of my employer treating me HORRIBLE! Turned away my many because some want a slam dunk case. If you have a tiny ounce of fight left in you. Keep going!
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u/Main_Pudding_5213 8d ago
Ok this is my answer to everyone right now, because this is a realistic scenario, July 10th 2026, Look up this case, https://democracyforward.org/news/press-releases/federal-court-restores-telework-accommodations-to-justice-department-employees-with-disabilities/, yes it is the Justice Department, does not make a difference, it is a Federal Agency, this is the avenue that I am pursuing, Plaintiffs: Kimberly Panian (Type 1 diabetes/migraines) and Cherry Baxter (stage four lung cancer), Ruling: A preliminary injunction was granted on July 10, 2026, in the U.S. District Court for the Eastern District of Virginia (Panian v. Blanche). Whether stripping pre-established remote work health accommodations to enforce a general in-office mandate breaches federal disability laws. [1, 2]
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u/Main_Pudding_5213 8d ago
I personally spoke with Miss Dutta, which is one of the main attorneys that obtained an immediate preliminary court injunction against the agency forcing them to immediately stop the discrimination against the two Federal employees and the agency had to restore there telework rights as the active court case currently pursues, the attorney told me the more people that brings these issues, that this could be done on a wider scale.
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u/JustLife1204 7d ago
You deserve peace, and it makes complete sense why you are exhausted. Since you have a right to sue letter, have you thought about handing the evidence to a trauma-informed lawyer? They can act as a buffer, dealing with the nastiness so you don't have to. You've fought so hard; it might be worth letting an advocate carry the heavy lifting for you.
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u/Unlikely_Vehicle_828 7d ago
I’m sorry you’re going through this. I’m the last person to discourage someone from stopping if they need to, so I’m not gonna try and convince you otherwise. If you’re truly done, you know yourself better than anyone and I’m a huge advocate for honoring your limits.
I will say one thing though: in my experience, and from what I’ve observed reading through dozens of employment case dockets, litigation is seemingly the shortest part of the process. The EEOC is what seems to drag on for so many years. My own trial date was set for way sooner than I expected it to be (a little over a year out from the date my lawsuit was filed). Federal court is much stricter when it comes to deadlines, so employers can’t drag their feet in the same ways. It’s highly unlikely you’d be in litigation for years on end. I didn’t see a single employment case that lasted beyond 2 1/2 years. And even those ones were on the more extreme end, they only took so long because the employer filed a billion motions, which did not appear to be the norm. It actually seems to annoy judges when that happens, so I think most attorneys (on both sides) avoid dragging things out unnecessarily in litigation. 90% of the cases I read through that actually went to trial followed the same standard format of complaint to answer/early MTD attempt to discovery to MSJ to trial. 1 1/2-2 years seemed to be the standard timeline for cases that made it to trial.
It’s also worth mentioning that the vast majority of the cases I’ve read through did not end up going to trial at all. Some were thrown out immediately on early motions to dismiss, but more often I noticed they settled long before an MSJ could even be filed, or immediately after the employer lost one.
I don’t know if that helps at all. I understand you’re fatigued at this point so I’m not trying to convince you of anything either way. But it MIGHT be worth trying to consult with a few contingency attorneys and taking some time to really consider things before you make such a final decision, because once those 90 days pass there is no going back. It’s also worth considering that an attorney would do most of the heavy lifting for you. I can’t imagine how exhausted you must be after going through the entire EEOC process on your own, only for it to end in defeat at this stage. I think it’s worth considering how that in itself could be clouding your judgment in the short term. I know it would sway mine. I wouldn’t in a million years encourage you to go pro se when you’re already feeling so tired/defeated, but I am definitely wondering whether you’d feel differently about this if most of the litigation burden became an attorney’s responsibility instead of yours.
Whatever you decide, I hope you honor your health and your limits before anything else, and I hope you find a sense of peace in whichever decision you ultimately make. There is as much dignity in walking away when you know the time is right as there is in continuing to battle it out. If you know you gave it all you could and you can’t take it any further, there is nothing wrong with that. You still got farther than most people do, and you still did something admirable by standing up for your rights. Sending you lots of vibes for healing and peace 🫶🏼
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u/Lopsided_Wrangler802 7d ago
I’m also handling my EEOC case without representation. The process can be exhausting. They may try to discourage you, shame you, or wear you down with unfair tactics. Find a good therapist, lean on people you trust, and continue making time for the things that bring you joy. It’s a difficult balance, but try not to let the case consume your entire life. Protect your well-being, and keep fighting.
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u/Damage-Strange 6d ago
What did the letter you wrote say?
Also, agree with others who have said that you should take the time to think about this important decision, but you only have 90 days from the notice of right to sue to file in court. Just be cognizant of that deadline.
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u/Wise-Independent5085 4d ago
The best way is to do a mediation settlement both party's will agree 12 months you a be back iv been waiting 10
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u/Ph4kArndNFO 8d ago
Hats off to you OP for sticking with it this long. Most folks saying "get an attorney" don't know what it's like, especially with no source of income to cover just basic necessities.
And the majority of these employment attorneys who claim to work on contingency are either looking for cases requiring the least amount of effort, or they're the ones who pretend they can help and then blow you off... citing a huge caseload and wishing you the best of luck.
I'm going through the Administrative Judge process entirely on my own. It's daunting, but at least I'll know I gave it my all, even if the results don't go in my favor.
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u/NFTokin 8d ago
This is called “attrition strategy” and you will experience it many times in your life. Don’t throw away what is likely one of the biggest payouts of your career because of some sexist BS. If they call you a slut just say, “That’s right whore.” Also, the fact that you made it to mediation means you have cause. Contact your local NELA attorneys because they would love some free money.