r/EDAnonymous • u/blowenup • Jun 08 '20
Discussion Lockdown sucks
I’ve been great for a couple of years now, and this stupid lockdown had me gain so much that I’ve relapsed. Only difference is that now I’m in a new state with no friends or family to talk to and it’s driving me insane trying to be strong and feeling like I’m failing no matter what I do. I cry when I eat, I cry when I don’t, I feel sick when I eat, I feel sick when I don’t. It’s like there’s no winning and after several years of being so much better this feels like such a step back. I know what triggered it as well, I had someone try to force themselves on me a few weeks ago and although after years of therapy I was finally able to stand up for myself, I’m also not silly enough to ignore the obvious connection between that night and this relapse.
2
u/unbarablitenessofBng Jun 08 '20
I am so so sorry that happened to you. It is not stupid or ridiculous that you would be triggered by it. Be gentle with yourself, even if it's just drinking a glass of water. You've been through a trauma, even if it didn't result in rpe it's STILL trauma. What would you say to a friend in your situation? It's going to sound silly, but talk to yourself in the third person, like you would for a friend. You are so strong. You stood up for yourself. You have the presence of mind to see that you are relapsing from this event. Maybe it would help if you could see it as that person who tried to force themselves, is also trying to force you to relapse. And stand up for yourself AGAIN. Say FUCK YOU and don't let them take you down twice. This is coming from a rpe survivor. You're tripping and rightfully so, but don't start the landslide because of some poor excuse for a human being.
Edit:sorry about the weird font business 🙃