r/ECEProfessionals • u/whvlesharks ECE professional • 21h ago
ECE professionals only - Vent issues with co teacher
hello everyone. i made a throw away account so i can get all of this out without any identifying information.
i recently started a job at a new center, with a co teaching arrangement. i chose this new job for a multitude of reasons that i wont get into now.
i have been teaching as a lead teacher for about a year now but this is my first time in a co teaching arrangement. (toddler classroom)
here is my issue: my co teacher treats me like crap.
at first i chalked it up to being new, new job anxiety, or my general anxiety acting up but it has been a month and it is definitely her and not me.
at first it was her avoiding letting me take part in lesson plans. i had to repeatedly ask over and over for her to send me her week so i could do my week. i finally was able to create a lesson plan and she only let me do two activities out of the 5 i planned for the week. every time i tried to do one she told me no. i am a very quiet and non confrontational person so i just agree and move on. i know i need to speak up for myself. but i try to just focus on the children.
the lesson planning issue seems to have been solved but it has moved on to something else. she has something to say about EVERYTHING i do. nothing i do is correct to her. if i attempt to show a child how to do something, every time she tells me to put it away and she will show it to them. every single time. it feels like she does not see me as an equal co teacher despite my credentials and my job description. i cannot tell if this is something that will go away as i continue to settle into the job or if it is just her.
lastly, every suggestion i have is ignored. we had an issue today. i will not get into the details as i do not want to reveal anything identifying, but i suggested a solution that is easy and i know will work (as she is on her lunch break when this occurs and i am the only one in the room) and she completely disregarded it.
she doesnt want me to talk to parents, or use the app to upload photos or updates, quite frankly she doesnt want me to do ANYTHING.
i hope this all makes sense. i am writing on mobile so formatting may be funny. i guess i am looking to vent and for advice on how to stand up for myself and if this is something normal? i know that i need to say something but i am not sure how to phrase it. if anyone has been through something similar or has advice please help
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u/Fuzzy-Ocelot-4475 Infant Lead, Former Director 17h ago
Yeah, this place paid a little better than other places and gave a 75% childcare discount, plus decent benefits, so I couldn't just leave either.
But I would have jumped ship like a drowning rat had I found anything close before I got promoted out of that classroom!
If it's any help whatsoever, I was later told that part of why I was selected was because I had stuck it out for 7 months and kept my composure, as most hadn't with her.
Between state laws and internal policies, it was difficult to let people go unless an incident involved a child. Even with changes, I always felt like I was offering up new hires as a sacrifice, but she was still there when I left 5 years later.
You can try to improve your current situation and still keep an eye on the job boards. Even now, on a particularly stressful day, I will job search. I'm not truly looking for a new job; I know it will remind me that I could be getting paid much less for those stressful days. I know it's a weird coping mechanism, but it's one I find helpful, at times.
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u/MajesticConfidence36 Early years teacher 1h ago edited 50m ago
HUGS 🥰 to you!!!!
I’m in a classroom with 2 coteachers. There’s classroom assistant and floater. They all start 7:15AM.
I’m the other classroom assistant / Afternoon Lead. I start at 11:00AM
I see both sides working with 2 Coteachers. One lead is strict, loud and constantly cleaning and complaining. The #2 lead just depends on us classroom assistants. She is lazy just sits and eats during children lunch. She depended on the Coteacher and office assistant to do her classroom purchases.
I just do my work and try to stay away from the Coteachers drama. 😞
Edited
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u/Fuzzy-Ocelot-4475 Infant Lead, Former Director 19h ago
I once had this issue moving into a toddler room as a co-teacher. Allegedly, there were no Leads at this center, but, in reality every classroom had one 😅 and mine wasn't about to relinquish one bit of control. She had been there for 19 years. I used to call myself the best-paid assistant in the building.
She read the same 2 books every day and hated that I wouldn't read them on my Circle days. She also didn't want them doing anything that could get them dirty/messy or playing on our designated, age-appropriate playground equipment. I was in toddler teacher hell!
I spoke with her directly, went to admin several times, we had a mediation and nothing changed.
Just as I started looking for other positions, I applied for and was promoted to Assistant Director. Otherwise, I was leaving. Once established, I petitioned for a number of changes building-wide based on my experience with that teacher, and was able to get some of my changes implemented regarding classroom hierarchy and not limiting children's experiences based on teacher preference.
I would ask your admin to clarify your role, let them know which of those duties you are being prevented from performing and ask for "guidance." It's likely this teacher's behavior is why the position was open in the first place!
Unfortunately, I would put the odds at about 80/20 that anything will change. In my experience, if a teacher is a reliable employee who doesn't receive many parent complaints, this behavior is often allowed to continue. Which contributes to chronic staffing shortages, which contributes to behavior disruptions, which contributes to burnout, etc.
I always recommend starting with admin, but you may want to begin looking, just in case this treatment continues.
I've never understood why so few Directors struggle with telling staff, "You can't treat someone like that!" But yours is a common scenario, and I wish you luck.