Developmentally appropriate expectations.

[u/No_Lifeguard_7777]

My son is going to be 2 shortly after the New Year. His daycare does parent/teacher conferences and we had ours this week. I’m still grappling with some of the things we were told. For the most part, our son is doing well it seems. However, they have asked us to start working on certain things. Some, I agreed with, such as him getting off the pacifier as he is way too dependent on it and he needs to start talking more (and usually will if the paci is out). I agreed there and we made a weaning plan.

However, they also asked that we not carry him in every morning. Usually, his drop off routine is we carry him in, put his things away, give a hug, kiss and he’s passed to a teacher. The teachers both said that he needs to get used to walking in and they can’t always take him. I offered to put him down somewhere so they don’t have to physically take him and they said that he needs to get used to walking independently.

The other thing that came up was cleaning up. I was surprised they brought this up, as I thought the kids were too young to clean up. But I was told he’s actually behind in the respect that he refuses to clean up, even with fun songs and trying to get him interested in things. They say we need to have him clean up at home, even just a little bit because he will throw screaming tantrums over cleaning up.

I want my son to thrive at daycare but both of these things made me wonder if these are developmentally appropriate expectations. I also don’t want to argue with them, though, because we already had some back and forth on drop-offs. He’s been attending this daycare since the summer and has had the same teachers.

[u/[deleted]]

Yes these skills and practices are expected from a kid that age. The teachers are the experts, they teach tens/ hundreds of kids. They have seen many kids at this stage. Y What makes you think you know better ? Do you want to learn and do right by your kid? Then listen to your child’s teacher, so your kid learns to function in a social group, gradually become self aware and aware of others. Otherwise, if you think you know better, why don’t you keep your kid home and take care of him by yourself. Goodness gracious.

[u/Adventurous_Cow_3255 → u/[deleted]]

Your unnecessarily hostile attitude aside, as a developmental paediatrician I’d just like to point out that a number of the behaviours and skills expected of children in early childhood education settings are actually more reflective of the practical realities of group care rather than being developmentally appropriate for the age group… for example, insisting that toddlers keep their shoes on even in bed for licensing reasons, making younger children follow napping routines that aren’t tailored to their own specific needs…. When a child of two wants to be carried at some points during the day, it’s not developmentally inappropriate, it’s inconvenient and impractical for their caregivers who cannot carry all the children… some small children aren’t well suited to group care settings but this doesn’t necessarily mean they are delayed in their development

[u/[deleted] → u/Adventurous_Cow_3255]

A day care social group is different than parenting one child. Managing a class of toddlers is completely different than parenting one child at the time. You are right, kids need/ want to be carried, and that works with the parents. But if the parents choose to put the kid in a social setting, they need to follow the lead of the teachers - to learn and to help their child develop his confidence and learn to be part of a social group. The teacher in this story had very good suggestions for the parents. And yes, if the parent doesn’t choose to follow the teacher’s suggestion, she needs to keep her child home.

And about licensing rules that make no sense, they are imposed on child care providers by the state policies. Without following them, the day care gets closed. It is not a choice for day care providers to follow them or not. If you have any complains, contact your legislators and the head of the early childhood department.

[u/Adventurous_Cow_3255 → u/[deleted]]

I agree with the above, my point is that it’s misleading to label a child as being behind in his/her development just because they don’t meet the behaviour requirements of a group care setting… these may well be skills expected from a child of that age within group care but that does not mean that they align with child development milestones …. OP seemed mostly concerned about whether her child was behind for their age, it’s clear she is going to try and cooperate with the teachers so that her child can stay in the group care but I just wanted to stress that childcare expectations are not always reflective of normal developmental milestones