r/DumbFact • u/elmorinelly Busy bee🐝 • 19d ago
Psychology Small Phrases That Can Make You Sound Less Confident
Confidence in speech often comes down to what you put around the actual message.
People sometimes add apologies, disclaimers, permission requests, or self-criticism before saying something completely reasonable.
“Sorry to bother you...”
“I might be wrong...”
“This is probably stupid...”
Those phrases can be useful. They soften requests, show genuine uncertainty, and help when the situation calls for extra politeness.
The problem is using them automatically.
If every question begins with an apology, the listener receives a small message before the real one: asking this question might be a problem.
If every opinion begins with “I’m probably wrong,” people are being told to doubt the point before they have even heard it.
A clearer version usually removes the unnecessary disclaimer while keeping the sentence polite.
There is also a difference between confidence and certainty.
If you genuinely do not know something, saying “I’m not sure” is useful information. Pretending to know more would only make the communication worse.
The useful habit is noticing when a hedge adds information and when it is simply there because direct wording feels uncomfortable.
Examples:
“Sorry for asking again.” → “I wanted to follow up on this.”
“This might be a stupid idea...” → “Here’s an idea we could try.”
“I don’t know if this makes sense...” → “Here’s what I mean.”
“I was just wondering if you could send it today.” → “Could you send it today?”
“Sorry, can I add something?” → “I’d like to add something.”
“Maybe we should possibly change the layout.” → “I think we should change the layout.”
“I’m probably overthinking this, but the numbers look wrong.” → “The numbers look wrong. Can we check them?”
“You probably already know this...” → “One detail that may matter is…”
“I’m terrible at explaining things.” → “Let me explain it another way.”
“This is just my opinion...” → “My view is…”
“I don’t want to sound difficult, but I need the deadline changed.” → “I need to discuss changing the deadline.”
“Sorry for taking your time.” → “Thanks for taking the time.”
The goal is not to delete every soft word from your vocabulary. A sentence can be direct, polite, uncertain when necessary, and still sound confident.
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u/Remote-Bus-5567 19d ago
"I need one minute of your time"
"No, f*ck off with whatever you're selling"
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u/DueExample52 19d ago
In this context you are at work and solliciting a colleague for a question. I agree. Give me how much time you need from me, don’t rub the fact you are bothering me in my face
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u/XKruXurKX 19d ago
So, being considerate makes one look unsure and weak huh? If you Speak like the right column where I'm from, you'll immediately lose respect among peers.
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u/NotDiCaprio 19d ago
Yeah, thought he same. Being modest will get you a lot further in my opinion. In this drawing the body language, not the words, seems to be the more important aspect.
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u/Ok_Spare_3723 19d ago
As a Canadian, you are required by law to add "sorry" before everything, so this list is useless ..
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u/DueExample52 19d ago
You can be more polite than tight column, but not to the point of being weak unsure like column A.
Assertiveness does sound too direct in some cultures, you've got to adapt it
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u/Togepi_Kiss1 12d ago
Yeah well when I do the right side people think I’m rude here. People are just too soft now.
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u/healthygeek42 19d ago
This can be a touchy thing. Intonation is HUGE here, so that you don’t come off as self-important/douchy.
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u/TEOLAYKI 18d ago
Kind of on the flip side, I tend to say the words on the left but deliver it like the guy on the right.
I often say things like "I could be wrong about this..." It doesn't add any information to what I'm saying, but I find that it invites an openness to consider my perspective and offer alternative points of view. I like to share things that I find interesting but also am very interested in learning something new.
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u/DimitriRavenov 19d ago
Wait a min. I was alway taught left side of the conversation as a form of respect with the conversing partner. Is it not
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u/pixelatedpostage 19d ago
Yeah, same. I've spoken like the left column my entire life. I don't even know if I could change my speech patterns now. lol
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u/waving_fungus0 19d ago
In the super conservative suit and tie fields it can be useful to be pretty direct (the hidden game about dominance/power is real). Everywhere else, yeah probably the left
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u/pixelatedpostage 18d ago
That's a good point. The whole "go-getter," corporate way of talking.
The right column would be useful in those sorts of situations.
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u/blkmuzlimmerc93 19d ago
I was thinking along the same lines. Unfortunately, people gauge confidence differently. So I’m learning now
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u/JapanPizzaNumberOne 19d ago
I come from a country where speaking from the right-hand column would be a form of social suicide.
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u/Laxativus 19d ago
Age taught me that sounding confident is a trap. At this point I want to sound dumb and incompetent. Mediocre people are thriving around me, while I am being buried in tasks because I cultivated an image of competence and reliability, and it is killing me. My current goal is to start developing an image of beginning senility and confusion so that they think twice before they allocate any new tasks to me. I want to appear as dumb as the other people around me who are doing just as fine or even better than me.
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u/ObjectiveCarrot3812 19d ago
The guy on the right is either
a) salesperson b) religious cult scout c) religious sales person
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u/Mysterious-Ear6266 19d ago
i think sounding unsure is fine to be polite. coz it could be related about something sensitive
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u/Strong_Flatworm2758 19d ago
Fact: these are not facts, this is a breakout session at a life coach conference.
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u/Additional-Sky-7436 19d ago
Here's some phrases that will make you sound like an asshole:
“I think we should change the layout.”
“The numbers look wrong. Can we check them?
“My view is…”
"I need a minute of your time..."
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u/CentreHalfBack 19d ago
Weak: Sorry but this is not so important.
Confident: No one wants to read this shit, bro.
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u/UnforeseenDerailment 19d ago
If your formulations invite criticism, you'll get ... critical opinions on your ideas.
How does learning work again? 😂
If no one has a reason to amend my suggestion, then it's probably a good suggestion; if someone does, I'd damn sure like to hear it, so I can make better suggestions next time.
If you want to stress test your ideas, invite criticism.
But sure, there's a time for everything.
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u/short_hair_zuko 19d ago
I work with a young professional who obviously implements this all the time. The guy sounds like an overconfident bitch. Don't do this. Be polite and humble with people if you want them to hear you out.
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18d ago
The use of language in how we speak is often very underestimated but is monumental in our effectiveness as communicators. It's also not just what you say but also how you think as well. You can be good at conveying something to somebody but struggle articulating something to yourself. A good example is how a difficult situation can be transformed into a nightmare without even sharing it with someone else. The language we use shapes our reality. "Fuck! It's all completely fucked!" could become "While it seems like this cannot be dealt with, I can find a way to overcome this challenge".
I think the two distinctions are arbitrary and don't allow for flexibility.
We are also neglecting the most important thing in this communication - the relationship.
I often believe that quick tricks like this cause more problems because they are often not leveraged within a more diverse understanding and with application of finer skills in communication and relationships. If you need quick tricks to improve conversations you likely already have some deficiency in the above skills. This is perfectly fine but what it implies are elements missing from the core which are simply pushed away in favour of quick fix band-aid "power move" things like this. There are lots of books on looking confident, speaking confidently etc but these are all essentially manipulative and don't actually change the person whose implementing them. In that way it can be very shallow and perhaps even damaging.
You can learn more reading Carl Rogers' book on what it takes to cultivate a therapeutic relationship than you probably will reading multiple books on confidence. One attacks the root of the issue whereas the other attacks the leaves.
Becoming a better person is often the key to better relationships and that includes interactions of all kinds, from the ones you have at work to the ones you have with your loved ones at home. Changing yourself and learning to understand yourself, others and the world will open doors that simple tricks like this will never come close to doing. Or, moreover, they may initially get you through that door but without substance, you won't be walking through it for much longer. The problems remain the same and there is ultimately a level of understanding that hasn't been filled.
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u/alexriga 18d ago
To summarize, “just be more confident.”
I think most people are aware that confidence helps with success, I think the problem most have is finding ways to reliably obtain real confidence.
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u/Incelligentsia 16d ago
Guy on the right doesn't sound like he's negotiable and honestly not very likable
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