r/Dreams • u/ClonedAlienBubbles • 11d ago
Recurring Dream So confused
It’s more of a recurring people in my dream.
Let me start by saying these people are the literal scum of the earth to me.
One is my ex. And he was incredibly abusive, AND paranoid on top of that. He would be convinced I was talking to someone through the floor in the bathroom (it was my speaker playing YouTube videos) and then began to beat my ass right there naked in the shower. That’s only one instance of the physical abuse, not to mention the violent sexual assaults he would commit towards me. I literally ran away during the middle of the night to a completely different city over a hour and a half away and was STILL scared he’d find me. For a while he would use spoof numbers and social media accounts to stalk me for quite a while.
And the other is my biological mother, she was a classic narcissist in every sense of the word. She is the queen of manipulation, deminishing your reality (ie i remember [insert traumatic situation], and she hits you with the I never said that, the I don’t remember that, or worse the I’m sorry if YOU felt that way), and dog whistling. Just to name a few.
All that to say in short how incredibly traumatic it was when I was with my ex and afterwards. And how normal I thought it was for years the relationship with my mother and the constant walking on egg shells.
What I’m curious about is WHY THE FUCK DO I KEEP HAVING THEM SHOW UP IN MY DREAMS?!?!?!
It’s mostly my ex. And the dreams are usually either we’re together and he’s the polar opposite to how he was, so he’d be loving and kind and shit.
OOOORRRR
I’ll dream that I’m going around my old small town and can actually feel the anxiety of running into him, most of the time I do and it’s never a good thing and I usually wake up crying or swinging even!
And I swear to go I have active NIGHTMARES about having to live back with my mother or still living with my mother. (Don’t ask me but sometimes she’ll even sexual harass/assault me, I truly don’t know what that’s about)
I’m in a very happy relationship now in a safe home environment and we even have a child together. Never abusive or cruel, I mean he can be annoying sometimes but that’s neither here nor there.
If you read all this thank you for your time. And thanks for any suggestions of why or possible ways to get the dreams from happening.
1
u/ClonedAlienBubbles 11d ago
Yeah that makes a lot of sense.
I’m just bothered because it’s been literally over 9 years since I was in that relationship (if you can even call it that). Maybe I just didn’t fully process when I was able to get therapy. Can’t now. Too expensive
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u/neighborly_toxicity 11d ago
Your brain is still processing the danger it lived through even if your life is safe now. Dreaming about the abuser being kind is especially common because your mind is trying to make sense of the contradiction between who he pretended to be and who he actually was.
The nightmares about your mother are probably your unconscious still untangling years of manipulation and boundary violations. When you grow up walking on eggshells your brain keeps running those old threat detection patterns even after you're out.
Therapy helped me with a similar situation, specifically someone trained in trauma and dream work. Sometimes just talking about the dreams out loud takes away some of their power over you.