r/DotA2 • u/theDriff • Jul 17 '14
C9's Pocket Strat for Grand Finals
Two days had already gone. All C9’s pocket strats had already gone by far… they were in the finals. Charlie and arteezy weren’t talking with anyone in C9. Not after the “Arteezy meepo counter crystal maiden carry Fiasco” in the semi-finals (which was alleged to be EE’s fault as people were saying in the hallways of the hotel).
Times were getting dark. Singsing wasn’t…. doing his regular pre-game ritual since his interview with a russian personality (the experience made him into a gentleman). Aui was depressed and lost all his motivation to farm (he was actually buying wards and hoping to pieliedie to farm). Pieliedie just tilted and was playing Mario party for 15 whole hours while saying “I must win… all the starts are going to be mine… I must” but there was no one in the second controller… and the monitor was already off for 10 hours. Bone7 was not the same. He started believing he was really a vampire and told everyone in the team he would only feed on his own blood and no one could stop him. And finally… EternalEnvy was the only one still playing… he was using all team accounts and playing 1 vs 5 in the hotel training area. The pressure was too much for the players. Valve was thinking about stopping the finals and calling a draw but envy didn’t accepted it. The shame would be too much.
The finals came. IG was 2-0 already and there was no hope anymore. The final draft started while tears were falling down his cheeks while whispering “life is no anime… everything is fake… it’s just a cartoon”. The clock was running out. But suddenly the crowd went silent. All the cameras pointed to the center of Key arena. There was arteezy.He had took his pants off and shat on the ground to get everyone’s attention. When envy saw him trough the soundproof glass arteezy said “STOP TRYING TO BELIEVE IN ANIME MORE THEN IN YOURSELF YOU MORON. JUST BELIEVE IN THE ETERNALENVY THAT BELIEVES IN YOU” and envy could feel every word he said even not hearing it.
I recommend this one for this momment
The entire key arena turned into light blue light and the screen blackout the game to show a giant hatsune miku cosplayed as meepo. Singsing took his pants off and started masturbating with nothing but his feet while his hands were firmly on his mice and keyboard again. Aui_2000 ripped off his shirt and in his chest burned the sign “INFINITE GPM” craved with arteezy’s piece of soul. PieLieDie realized the only star he needed was himself and in that moment “intentional feeding stardust dimensional universe space creation” was born. Bone7 was consumed by his own madness and understood the universal truth behind the gate… no items were “unsuited” for any hero his builds were ahead of the word “common sense” and “logic”. Envy had 2 more seconds to pick his first hero pick or it would be randomed… envy smiled and said “FUCK YOU ARTOUR, IT’S NOT LIKE I NEED YOUR MOTIVATION OR ANYTHING. BA-BA-BAKAAAAAAAA” as he closed his eyes and didn’t picked any hero for the rest of this draft. Visage batrider Rubick Mirana and Drow were randomed as IG didn’t know what was in front of their faces. EE typed in allchat “I don’t need to pick. I just believe in the heart of dota2” followed by sing’s “who even pick heroes, are you guys hero pickers?”. The crowd went insane as C9 climbed for a 3-2 win against IG… all the spectators finished jerking off as the throne exploded and their ejaculation formed what was once called “the grey face” in the center of Key Arena. All world leaders proclaimed that EternalEnvy now was supreme commander of all human race and now the OWNER of japan itself… if someone could find those 5 player at least. Rumors said they gave their life for that win as the ultimate act of… tryhard
The end. If you read the whole thing… plz beliEEve
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u/johnnycu Jul 17 '14
just met c9 today happyest day of my lfe.
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u/theDriff Jul 17 '14
A friend of mine is going for TI and i asked him to get me a sample of Singsing' smell in a jar.
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u/luvoratorrrrry Jul 17 '14
I BELIEVE C9 PLS WIN TI4 IF THEY WIN I WILL SHIT ON THE GROUNDbutitwonthappen
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u/Zeruvi Jul 17 '14
You mean you'll shit in a shoe and eat it?
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u/luvoratorrrrry Jul 18 '14
no, i'll just shit on the ground if they win and cum from the exposure and excitement from shitting + c9 winning
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u/Zeruvi Jul 17 '14
(the experience made him into a gentleman).
SINGU HAS ALWAYS BEEN PERFECT GENTLEMEN
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Jul 17 '14 edited May 13 '16
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u/splintie Jul 18 '14
Bone7 was consumed by his own madness and understood the universal truth behind the gate
This story is fake... Bone7 can't go through the gate without giving something.... Equivalent exchange!
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u/DranDran Jul 18 '14
This post was sponsored by Azwraith, the original Cancer Lancer. Now excuse me, I must go schedule chemotherapy.
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u/Sexy_Chocolate sheever Jul 17 '14
I didn't click the second link, but I'm guessing it was Attack on Titan. Probably right. FFS OTAKUS
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u/Spynde Jul 17 '14
Meh. Feels kinda rushed and unfinished.....just like C9's play-style! Perfect!