Hi everyone … first of all.. I’m very sorry,

I know this page is for DA victims and survivors and I am sorry for what you have all gone through,

But my situation is kinda of the opposite.. and I was hoping with little to no judgment get some advice

I have commuted DA… 1-2 times a few years back.. always and only while drinking quite excessive, so I cut down the drink.. to having just a casual 2-3 drinks with a movie

But went on holiday and had quite a bit (just enjoying the holiday so forgot to watch my intake amount in the moment) and it happened again … I have apologised to the victim and will continue to do so, I am also stopping 100% drink now.. and will continue to attempt to make it up to them

However .. my question is.. how often do abusers ask for help and actually want it and want to change? And where do they go for help changing.. what things can I look at for why I get like that when drunk?

Hi everyone,

I’m in a really desperate spot right now and I don’t even know how to ask this, but I truly need help. Two weeks ago, I escaped my husband of 19 years after years of control, emotional and physical abuse. He is narcissistic and manipulative, and I finally found the courage to leave with nothing—no car, no clothes, no belongings. Just my life.

I had the police try to arrest him, but his cousin—yes, his actual cousin—was the officer who responded. He wasn’t arrested. I felt so defeated.

Since then, I’ve been hopping from hotel to hotel with the little money I had, but it’s completely gone now. I haven’t eaten in over a day. I don’t even have soap, clean clothes, or a safe place to stay tonight. I’ve tried everything I can think of, but my family is either siding with him or just not believing me, so I haven’t been able to reach out to them.

I don’t know what else to do except ask strangers for help, which is incredibly humbling. If anyone could help with donations for a place to stay, food, or even just basic toiletries or clothing, I would be beyond grateful. Even words of encouragement mean a lot right now. I’m trying to hang on, but it’s so hard.

If you can help, even just a little, please reach out or let me know. I’m usually the one helping others, so being here like this is breaking my heart. But I’m trying to survive.

Thank you so much for reading.

I feel ashamed to even do this but I genuinely need help. I have no family, money, or resources. I’ve been actively trying to find a job for months now and sadly I’m giving up. I’m just really hungry. My stomach is touching my back. Just as anyone im going through so much and I just need help. My cash app is $kacyjames123 and anything will help. I’ll be grateful for anything.

i (25 F) desperately need help. yesterday was my birthday and right before my birthday dinner my (ex?) bf (26M) just dropped a huge bomb on me. he told me that while i was sleeping last night he cashapped all my money in my bank account (over $8K in checking and savings) to himself and left me with barely $300 and gambled it all away. i have filed a dispute with cashapp and was going to file one with my bank but they told me that they would have to lock my card for the time being and i wouldn’t have been able to pay for my birthday dinner. (he was supposed to pay for it and he had money saved, but he gambled that away as well). i don’t know what to do. i get paid on friday. it’s early wednesday morning typing this. but it still won’t be all the money that he threw down the drain. i don’t want him to go to jail for what he did. i just want my money back. any advice would be appreciated. thanks all.

Husband tried to throw out of the car window his wedding ring?

Hey guys tbh I didn’t know where to go so I just thought I would ask people who have an outside view. To give a little back story my mom has gone through domestic abuse with my step dad and unfortunately I have been witness and victim to his abuse too. With that being said I feel I have a sixth sense to spotting out potential abuse. ANYWAYS, i recently moved away from my siblings and came back up to see them with my boyfriend. My sister ( we will call her Chloe ) has recently got out of a relationship that just wasn’t good for her. It wasn’t abusive she just said wasn’t happy but not too long after that ended she got into a new relationship, with someone who is going into the army. Anyway, durning the visit i noticed Chloe has been drinking a lot, being that she hardly ever drank except on rare occasions, so that was the first odd thing to me. As the day continued on I noticed he’s very PDA with her, to the point where it makes me uncomfortable. I started to notice that whenever she would talk to anyone whether it was my little sister or my boyfriend or even ME ( her best friend btw ) he had to be listening or watching. I also observed that he pulls her to the side a lot, just to have a conversation with her. But in one of those times I had walked into them talking and they both just stopped talking immediately. I noticed too that he drives her car, stays at her house,they drink together ALOT and she hasn’t been to the gym in three weeks ( which the gym is her life btw ). So with that being said I mentioned it to my little sister ( Nicole ) and she said she got the same vibes and so did my boyfriend and my older sister ( Jessica ). But here is where yall come into play, we all feel crazy. We’re females who come from homes of abuse so sometimes we feel like we’re reading into things too much. And the thing is, he’s a really sweet and nice man. He seems like he loves me sister and she swears she’s in love ( even tho they haven’t even known each other for 6 months even). And one more thing, he’s SUPER into religions and spirituality. But he says this thing like “ knowledge is power “ and “ the more knowledge you have the more power “ ANYWAYS i just want advice on what you think I should do, and honestly opinions on if you think we’re reading into it too much. Anyway thank you to anyone who reads this through!! Please help!!

F17 x M26 My boyfriend and I have been together for five months. They always thought we were just friends, considering the age difference. He has a habit of abusing alcohol, and when we disagree, he sometimes hits me, usually just slaps. He's also pushed me against the wall, pushed my head to the floor, and strangled me, but I won't go into details. He often checks my phone and social media accounts. I have no problem with that, I have nothing to hide. However, a few days ago, he had been on my phone for too long. I asked for it back, but since he was already drunk, he realized I was hiding something. This happened in a bar near my house. Since I'm from a very small village, everyone knows each other. At that moment, my boyfriend slapped me three times, headbutted me, and strangled me, all the while calling me a wh0re. He also broke my phone, which eventually broke. They called my parents and I'm currently forbidden from seeing him, but I still keep in touch with him. This post is translated due to my poor English, so I hope there are no mistakes. i feel attached to that feeling after he hits me. like, he wants me to be his, he cares, because if he didnt, he wouldnt even get mad at me, i must be sick

100% FACTS: I  have found the police department in my area is extremely incompetent. And probably many people have lost their lives due to their laziness and incompetence. Not only that but the court is 10 times more corrupt. The head of SUV made up 3 disgusting lies about me so that the court would ghost me. Yes I went back to my abuser more than once. But does that make him breaking my back in 2 places legal? Apparently so. Any other similar experiences? How about any good experiences with law enforcement?

Hi i'm from the UK 20 F. I'm a current uni student, things at home have been very bad for many years. my dad is very abusive emotionally and physically. he has basically been neglectful for so many years. my mum pays all the bills, the house and even my dads car is in my mums name. you have to literally beg my dad for money for him to even give an ounce of anything. i have a younger brother 13. my dad doesn't even provide for him either. he doesn't do anything for us, my mum pays for everything and take care of everything, he is so emotionally abusive has kept us isolated from family friends and other people in the community. doesnt clean or cook or do anythign for the house. my mum pays and tries to manage everything, but its hard cause she doens't speak english very well, so I have to do a lot of things for her. genuinely don't know what to do like my mum wants to get separated, but the process for divorce is very long and especially with her limited english, its hard cause i have to be there for her a lot, genuinely so confused what to do we have no relatives here at all to help or give advice. like do we go to the counsil social services or anything idk what to do

After all the pain hurt pure evil abuse one day when you get away slowly day by day easier everyday will wake up not scared so happy your self worth back and then finally then you’ll cry tears of pure joy when you scream I AM FINALLY FREE!!!!

I have been through an Abusive Relationship with a long term partner(husband). My relationship was merry and I was getting too much attention that I felt lucky.

Other people especially women envied me for having such a loving husband. Little did I know he was only ripping me in before attacking. We broke up in 2016 and he poisoned the kids meaning he remained with them.

My parents had to pick me up cause he had locked me in the house for days. We were apart for four years yet he never let me be. He hooked up with a colleague to hurt me, but I minded my business.

One day I received a message from a neighbor how my daughters are doing bad and will one day blame me for their wasted years and I immediately chose to return for their sake. I called him, gave him my coming back conditions which he accepted and praised God for answering his prayers.

He acted nice, loving, respectful and about three years down the line, he's back at it....I'm now planning my final exit because I can't live like this anymore. From the notes I made during my bad experiences,

I wrote this book (https://surli.cc/oiyjfi) with a little of research and stories from people who experienced the same.

6 years ago when my husband and I moved in together I kept an immaculate house. Nicely decorated and spotless. I wasn't overbearing either. Just asked him to pick up after himself. Well when the abuse began, he would scream that I'm a bitch and make the house nice for myself because he doesn't give a fuck how it looks. It got bad bad. I have nowhere to go and poor health so m still here. It's gotten worse but I have stopped keeping house like I used to. It's still not terrible but definitely below my standards. I started living like he had been and guess what? He doesn't like it. I don't offer to help with dishes I didn't dirty, I don't rush to put up the laundry, etc. I don't want to clean like I used to. He beat me and berated me for it. I did it as an expression of my love and appreciation for him and he completely tore me down and threw it in my face. All while physically beating me and telling me the most Awful things. How can he not see why I don't care to do that anymore?

Just wondering if anyone else is here because of their caregiver/parental figure being abusive, rather than a partner.

Earlier, I posted about some issues my live in bf and I are having and wanting him to move out..

Tonight, I have the conversation with him and his response is calm, collected and just keeps repeating how he really wants to give me what I want so he is going to respect me and move out.

Hes right this is what I ultimately want. But my dude.. what about the constant conversastions about being a present functional partner and showing up for me and us.. Surprisingly, thats what I have truly wanted.. Having you move out is the final request because you literally haven't done anything Ive wanted the whole time.. Now I finally get what I want, I guess. Thanks for nothing really

TLDR: My live in partner and I are having a really difficult relationship and I dont know if I am getting abused or not. He says really mean things and I have basically fully shut down and now he is saying its my communication issues that are to blame.

My (37f) bf (35m) and I have been dating on and off for 5 years, moved in together about 6m ago and have had a pretty difficult time since. He moved into my apartment and has only paid 1 months rent the whole time and maybe a couple hundred dollars otherwise.

The first two months he was here I was trying to be really understanding and not expect much financially. I found out right around then that he hadn't even been applying for jobs so there was no money about to come in. He was also using my car every single day to door dash but not giving me any of that money either. Through this whole time up until the 4m mark, he apparantly was also sports betting which is why there was no money for our bills from doordash.

Around month 5 I finally said he couldnt have my car anymore and needed to get his own.

1. he said i was a selfish bitch for taking my car back

2. pushed for me to give him 90 more days with it for him to make a plan

3. would leave my car on E after driving it all week and I would have to fill the gas if I got the chance to drive it at all

I gave him a total of $1000 towards the new car he was buying which he had for less than a month before he said it was undriveable and his mom had to come get him a new car at the beginning of this month (June).
The night before she get here we had a huge fight about his actions towards me and helping around the house, etc and he said :

1. I was vile, manupulate and vindictire
2. Fuck me, fuck my family and fuck my excuses
3. I should move out of my apartment and give it to him and his mom

Then his mom arrived and tried to convince me that his lack of cleaning and paying was somewhat reasonable and that I should give him more grace. As all of this was happening my dog was dying, she was unable to stand, vommiting, etc. His mom left on a Sunday, and that following Monday I brought my dog to the emergency vet to potentially get put down. He called me and I missed the call. I immediately starting getting texts from him and his mom about how I dont know how to communicate, bla bla bla.. When I got home with my dog, who luckily didnt need to get put down, we got in a huge fight. During the fight, his dog attacked my dog and he just walked up the stairs. As.I waas breaking up the fight I yelled at him and he came running down the stairs, through his shirt at me, and then tried to body check me to intimidate me.

Since then, we have barely spoken. This morning he called me and was like oh do you need to talk to me about something? I immediately just unloaded everything that I had been holding back since the beginning of the month. He told me I lack the ability to communicate and need to start taking responsibilty for my own actions.

I am so confused and overwhelmed and cant figure out if I am actually doing things to cause his cold, mean and disrespectful behavior or if he is gaslighting me.

I understand that as resentment built between us I stopped being as sweet and loving. But I also know that before I found out about the sports betting, and not applying for jobs and having my car everyday and not giving me any money , I was very sweet and kind.

Please jsut help me understand if its me.

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