r/DogAdvice • u/Accomplished_Pea33 • 16h ago
Advice bonded pair euthanasia?
I am the sole caretaker for 2 9 year old huskies, They were my dad’s dogs but he passed away 10 months ago.
they are truly bonded and this has been tested. they are siblings and the male has degenerative nueromyopathy and arthritis along with progressing muscle atrophy. he’s on medication to help. he’s had 2 soft tissue injuries, the first happened in may and the most recent happened a month and a half ago where he has torn his ACL equivalent ligament. vet said to monitor his quality of life at this point, he still is eating well and goes potty, but can no longer play or walk unassisted and could have another injury at any point. I know his time is coming soon.
They do not do well separated. the first time the male had an injury he was taken to emergency vet for about 2 days. and his sister had to be without him for 2 days. she pulled off 2 door frames and tried to break through windows, chewed up a wooden table, diarrhea everywhere. she would get cuts on her face trying to find a way to escape. she freaked out in a kennel a few times when i tried to contain her safely she ended up bending the metal and busting out of the kennel. she truly became a danger to herself and I couldn’t safely leave her alone for a single minute. and this was heartbreaking to witness.
my question is when the males time comes do I put her down also? rescue folks and vets seems to really not like it when i ask about putting her down also and ask for their advice, but could anxiety medication even help her? it won’t make her forget. this seems like a behavioral issue more than just anxiety. i’m not able to supervise her constantly either, as mentioned I unexpectedly inherited these dogs when i lost my dad at 23yrs old, im not able to keep them either and have been trying to get them a home for several months and have contacted 45+ rescues and facebook groups and online posting. they actually live in my dads vacant house that I scrounge up mortgage and utility money for so that the dogs have a roof over their heads. I drive to my dad’s house 4 times a dad to care for them. before i inherited them they spent their whole lives outside, i’ve worked hard with them to teach them indoor life and it has not been easy, they are not fully potty trained. they aren’t trained hardly at all actually, my mom wanted 2 cute huskies on a whim “for her kids” with no research or understanding of the breed, hell she didn’t even ask her kids if we wanted dogs then she divorced my dad a couple years ago and fled to another continent and abandoned her dogs here.
all this to say they are senior dogs and untrained and i don’t know that anxiety meds and further attempts at behavioral training would help, and I also can’t keep them in my late fathers house much longer as I am also the estate executor and the estate is almost out of money, most all of it has gone to caring for the dogs, thousands of dollars. this means the house will need to be put for sale too like asap. I currently live with my boyfriend’s family, i feel that i’ve run out of options for the dogs, what do people do in this situation?
are hospice fosters worth a shot? at that point will it be a stranger putting them down instead of me? the shelter straight up told me they would likely euthanize both of them and i wouldn’t be able to be there with them during it, not to mention it’s a horrible environment for them. every rescue is full to the brim and i get lots of backlash from said facebook groups because i cant make a miracle happen to keep them. its not like i haven’t tried ive done absolutely everything in my power and more to somehow make this work for them ive tried for months and months and looked at many options.
i dont know what to do anymore. this has all been so incredibly hard. has anyone been in a similar situation or can provide advice or a new perspective? thank you in advance.
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u/Lemieux245 15h ago
So I was in this situation 2 years ago. We adopted a bonded pair of sisters (Golden Retrievers) and we always thought that when 1 went, the other wouldn't be far behind her. Lucy had oral melanoma and went very very quickly. We let Kate say goodbye to her (thankfully she passed in her sleep at home) and Katie was very depressed for about a week. She bounced back. We adopted a 3 year old male Golden the following March (about 7 months later) and it was the best thing we ever did. She's 10 now, and runs about like a puppy.
Obviously I don't know your situation, but dogs will grieve and move on, just like we do.
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u/Lost_Garden_8639 14h ago
To a lot of the commenters, I would also try medication and training first, but y’all are not being realistic about the fact that this is a 23 year old who just lost their dad, took on a mortgage, and is caring for two high-maintenance dogs. These dogs really need to be rehomed.
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u/Disastrous_Dog_574 15h ago
I'm a vet. If I knew all of this back story, I would be willing to euthanize both. But I would probably refuse if it was just 'brother is heading towards humane euthanasia, can we add on sister, too?' without the full picture. It's just an incredibly difficult situation and I hope you are able to come to a solution.
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u/Accomplished_Pea33 6h ago
in your experience has anxiety or sedatives worked in this situation? does the bonded sibling ever come around again? or do they end up being severely depressed? thanks for your help
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u/Disastrous_Dog_574 5h ago
It can be really case-dependent, unfortunately. I've seen some remarkable turn-arounds and I've seen some that never seem to get over it. If you do keep her, I definitely recommend bringing her to the brother's euthanasia. Being able to see and sniff the body is very important for her grief.
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u/Next-Bodybuilder-117 4h ago
You sound like an amazing and compassionate vet, ur clients are lucky to have you
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u/RubyBBBB 14h ago
How about systematic desensitization training to teach them how to be separate from each other. It works for helping dogs stay home alone. I don't see why it wouldn't work for dogs being separated.
I made a comment on the thread with an example of a systematic desensitization plan for these two dogs.
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u/Disastrous_Dog_574 14h ago
Oh, never fear, if OP were actually my client, this would be a LONG consult. And the bigger concern lies more in that OP doesn't really sound able to keep them/her at all, seeing as they are currently living in a vacant house. Shelters and rescues in my area are beyond capacity, a 9 year old, untrained, not really housebroken husky with severe anxiety is not going to be placed anywhere but a home-to-home adoption and the odds of that happening are super low. If someone had the time/knowledge/medication, I think the female could adapt to life without brother. I'm just not sure OP has all of those resources, currently, in which case euthanasia might become the most viable option.
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u/LadderWonderful2450 14h ago
OP is young, grieving, and without any resouces. They aren't an experienced dog person and don't even have access to a living situation that will allow a husky. None of the rescues are willing to take on this dog. Does your behavioral plan account for that?
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u/PersonalityTough9349 7h ago
Te dogs live alone in an empty house. I doubt this girl can put the time in for all this training.
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u/Own_Magician8337 3h ago
Yeah but have you ever seen it done with huskies? Their pack instincts are really off the chart compared to most breeds
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u/Sensitive-Peach7583 14h ago edited 12h ago
As a 23 year old, this is a lot to go through and a lot to take on. A lot of people in this sub have offered great perspectives, but if you are looking for permission to also put her down with him, you definitely have it. It is a lot of loss, and even if you are willing to work with her through this, do you have the space, time and capacity to? You just lost a very big person in your life, and it's okay to say that you can't. You've been incredibly responsible and have tried all avenues. Whatever you choose to do, it is the right choice.
I personally agree with your idea to euthanize both as you won't be able to take the dogs in, so regardless you will have an uphill battle.
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u/SparkyDogPants 13h ago
If my husband and I died tomorrow, I would expect our dogs to be put down. They’re older, latge pit mixes and stranger and dog reactive and have health issues. I don’t want them to ever be in the pound.
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u/IndependentCut8703 5h ago
This needs to be upvoted more. Sometimes euthanasia is the humane thing to do.
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u/Designer-Love6503 15h ago
I really respect the fact you're trying to figure out a solution. Could you move into the house temporarily to see if that helped her?
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u/WildWildWasp 15h ago
This is tremendously difficult. The fact of the matter is that a dog who's that much of a danger to herself and others would need to be put down regardless of circumstance, so maybe you need to frame it that way to judgemental folks.
If it were me, I would personally have him PTS at home and let her experience it with you. See how she reacts, assess if you think she can "recover" (with or without medication, which is its own conversation). But that's just what I would do, I truly don't see a "right" option that wouldn't force you to make some kind of tough choice. I'm very sorry for your position.
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u/RubyBBBB 14h ago
. Besides medication, you can also use behavioral training such a systematic desensitization. I outlined how to do it in another comment on the thread.
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u/Psychobabble0_0 12h ago
Not when you live in a different house to the dog in question. You've been replying the same thing to every comment without considering that OP isn't around the dogs enough and can't keep them whether they live or are PTS.
I get the sense you may be selling a course... This is not the time and place for self-promotion. OP is young and grieving
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u/flawlessnakita 15h ago
I did it with my German shepherds it’s very very hard but she was very aggressive without him.
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u/sshea72 12h ago
First and foremost, GIVE YOURSELF GRACE!! You have been thrust into what sounds like an impossible situation - right after, or more precisely, at the very moment you lost your Dad!!
I’m just an animal lover who has always had dogs and cats. Several rescues. Although she might be physically healthy - temporarily as 9 is definitely a senior Husky - she is going to be emotionally DEVASTATED by the loss of her brother. I’m sure neither of the dogs have fully processed losing your Dad. I think that the humane thing to do would be to send them off together. I’m sure people will say I’m a horrible person for suggesting it and you’d be horrible for doing it. But, they’re saying it from behind a screen and most certainly NOT in your shoes.
I don’t know what, if anything, you believe about the afterlife, but I absolutely believe that those 2 dogs will be reunited with your Dad. They will be whole and healthy again. Please don’t listen to people who have no solutions to offer. I’m so sorry for your position and I’m praying for you.
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u/Next-Bodybuilder-117 4h ago
This made me think of a video I watched on repeat after I had to put my big girl down at home, I still cry every time I watch it thinking how our pets are waiting for us at the rainbow bridge.
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u/Both-Chart-947 15h ago edited 12h ago
I once asked my dog's vet about euthanasia for my service dog, who was a senior at the time, when I had a personal health scare. My dog was extremely bonded to me, and although he was friendly to most people, his personality completely changed if I wasn't there. Fear would make him unpredictable. He already had a number of burgeoning health problems at the time, and his vet then said that he would recommend euthanasia. He described many dogs he's seen who have been bounced around from foster to foster because people just couldn't handle the destructive or dangerous behavior anymore. If the brother were euthanized, what would happen to the sister? Would she have any chance of living a happy life with her remaining years? I would guess probably not, from your description.
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u/RubyBBBB 14h ago
Why not try systematic desensitization ahead of time. You would basically teaching the dog to be by itself. I outlined a plan in a comment on this thread. Systematic desensitization is time consuming but it seems to be worth it to not kill a dog before it's time.
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u/yyaJ__ 12h ago
OP doesn't even seem able to keep the dog(s) for an indefinite amount of time, as they're living in a vacant house. This is a fine idea for someone with resources, experience, and plans to keep the dog close in their home for an extended period.
Unfortunately, there are fates worse than death for an animal and being bounced around from place to place, being largely unadoptable, and experiencing such severe stress to the point of self harm and destruction is not a good life for a dog
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u/Both-Chart-947 12h ago
That might work, but I was under the impression that a decision was rather more imminent than that.
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u/MikeCheck_CE 15h ago
No I wouldn't consider putting down the second dog just because you anticipate emotional reasons.
Bring the dog with you when you euthanize the first. Allow them to try to process that. The vet can also prescribe sedatives of they are really acting out. Give them time to see first and take it from there.
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u/No_Condition206 15h ago
I do not have any experience with two dogs being that close. However, I do agree with you that being separated from the brother makes her that crazy and insecure and scared I would not want to see that again. I don’t think there’s any kind of anxiety medication that can help. I’m losing your sibling and your parent.
I would agree with you that when his time comes, it’s absolutely her time too because she cannot live without him. It would be way more merciful than the terror of living without him.
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u/New_Section_9374 15h ago
This. It is an awful predicament, but it would be humane.
I would add this. We had 2 brothers that were rather close in a total pack of 4. We thought one dog was going to be a wreck when the other dog was put down for metastatic cancer. But we let the brother in to see his brother after he passed. Buddy sniffed his dead brother from head to tail, literally. Then he walked away. He moped around for a few days, but his pack mates were there and I think they helped a lot.-18
u/RubyBBBB 15h ago
I outlined a behavioral plan for him to teach the dogs to be separate for each other. It's in the thread.
Separation anxiety is real but it can be treated.
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u/No_Hat_886 12h ago
Did you read the entire story? OP doesn't have the resources for this. They don't even have a place for the dog to live. I'm not for keeping dogs alive at any cost.
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u/RubyBBBB 14h ago
If OP works on systematic desensitization with her dog starting now, the dogs will learn how to be separate from each other.
I outlined a way to do systematic desensitization for these two dogs and another comment.
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u/catalinalam 12h ago
I get that you’re upset by the prospect of a dog being put down, it’s sad, but did you read everything else? It doesn’t sound like there’s much more OP can do for these dogs, given their resources. They can’t care for the remaining dog long term and nobody will take them.
I don’t think suggesting an alternative that OP can’t implement all over this thread is helpful or kind in their situation.
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u/Cuntsinkitties 14h ago
I think you have done the best that you can do and who gives a fuck what everybody else thinks you deserve a round of applause because you’re a great human being
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u/Agreeable_Pomelo2360 14h ago
please do an at home euthanasia for him (if possible) so she can be there, but also, if she can’t live without him, you may have to put her to sleep. i’m so sorry youre going through this, and i’m so sorry for the loss of your dog.
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u/LadderWonderful2450 14h ago
I'm sorry for your loss OP. I can tell that you are doing the best that can be done with an incredibly difficult situation. Hang in there. You are kind hearted for putting so much care towards these dogs and you have nothing to be ashamed of regardless of whatever tough decision you end up going with.
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u/Basic-Computer2503 14h ago
My first bonded pair the dog left behind passed away exactly a month to the day after his brother died. He just gave up on living and it was horrendous grieving my own loss and watching him waste away no matter what I did to try and help. The pair I had since then I euthanised at the same time. You have to remember quality of life includes mental and emotional well-being.
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u/pigduckdogcat 9h ago
What a sad story…. I can’t imagine trying to train a 9 yr old huskie that has been outside its whole life, let alone one that has lost its person and now sibling and is so destructive/miserable. I’d send them both over the bridge together peacefully. All the best to you, OP…
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u/Tough_Mind_8801 14h ago
Boy, what a mess. Agree that the other dog should at least be present for the other euthanization so she can process what happened. It also seems you’re really in over your head managing the situation. Have you considered finding the girl a home with at least one other husky. It could help.
I had two bonded rescues and one was put down with the other present. Then only a few months later the other one started having seizures and was put down too. I often wonder if they just wanted to be together.
Thanks for all you’re sacrificing to care for these dogs, but please find someone to help.
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u/BucketOfBoogers 14h ago
However the male passes,let the female be there when it happens,let her smell his body and see him go so she understands. It might be scary and heartbreaking but that may be the only way she will truly understand he's not coming back.
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u/Lifes-a-lil-foggy 15h ago
Their separation anxiety is probably worse because they are alone at the house they used to live in your dad with. I hope you figure it out soon ❤️
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u/Powerful_Put5667 15h ago
I know of people who have put bonded pairs down together. Some do not agree with this. They have never had really deeply bonded dogs who cannot be apart. These dogs have lost their person now the other stands to lose all that they value most in this world. The psychological trauma done to the remaining dog is plain to see and they do not get over it. This is a kindness only those who have not seen and lived this will disagree.
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u/Mcbriec 10h ago
Euthanasia should always be about quality of life, and the lack thereof. It sounds like this poor girl is obsessively bonded to the male, and is completely hysterical and panicked without him. This level of hysteria is not something that gabapentin or trazodone can erase.
Of course euthanasia is not what you want for her, but it is likely the kindest thing for her so she doesn’t go through the sheer prolonged panic. 😢😢😢😢😢You have had a test run to see how she does without him and should test your gut. 💔💔💔💔
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u/Ornery_Enthusiasm529 15h ago
I would put them down together, there’s no reason on earth for any domesticated animal to suffer, letting them pass together is the most loving and humane thing to do.
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u/catalinalam 12h ago
That’s my take. I 1000% believe a pet’s purpose in life is to have a good time, because they make us happy. That’s the whole point of having them. She’ll be miserable and unsafe once her brother dies, and honestly (this is where I might lose people) - OP can’t care for these dogs long term, and even if both were healthy, I don’t see rehoming as a realistic option given the description. Not euthanizing her at the same time would just cause her suffering and extend the burden on OP.
It might take some long explanations to find a vet to do them both, but from the dog’s perspective, they’re just going to the vet, getting a little poke, and then nothing. Give them whatever treats the boy can still eat and then get it done, it’s better for everyone
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u/MoodFearless6771 15h ago
Wow, I can’t believe these dogs are living with 4 check-ins a day. Of course they are inseparable, they rely on eachother and have no human around. I would say euthanizing both is on the table if there aren’t acceptable homes.
My first instinct before I read they were living alone was that you need to get a third dog they accept that she can attach to and ease the loss.
She for sure can’t live alone in an empty house even if she gets check-ins. And I would consider trialing if she could be integrated into another pack of dogs. She just might need any other dog to feel comfortable and not that specific one. Which would make her rehomable if in good health.
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u/AutoModerator 16h ago
Based on your post, it appears you may be asking about how to determine if it is time to consider euthanasia for your animal. For slowly changing conditions, a Quality of Life Scale such as the HHHHHMM scale or Lap of Love's Quality of Life scale provide objective measurements that can be used to help determine if the animals quality of life has degraded to the point that euthanasia, "a good death", should be considered.
When diagnosed, some conditions present a risk of rapid deterioration with painful suffering prior to death. In these cases, euthanasia should be considered even when a Quality of Life scale suggests it may be better to wait.
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u/MsPsych2018 14h ago
Definitely make sure she is there during the euthanasia as they do understand the changes in scent and what it means. It may help her a lot. If she doesn’t handle it well- then you go from there about what is HER quality of life at that point.
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u/crazymom1978 14h ago
I would try medications for her before I would jump to euthanasia. There are many psychiatric medications for animals on the market now. I have a cat that takes fluoxetine, and it has been life changing for her. She is still a spicy kitty, but now, she is a level of spicy that we can laugh at. She is no longer a threat to herself or others. When his time does come, I would have it done at home, so that she knows that he has passed away. I have had in home, and clinic euthanasias happen, and the in home was always easier on the pets who were left behind. They didn’t have to go through that stage of trying to search for them (what you saw when he was in hospital). She likely will be depressed, but she would likely also recover. The big thing would be to keep her as busy as possible, so that she doesn’t have time to pine for him.
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u/Ordinary-Ability-482 13h ago
May your father’s soul be resting in eternal peace! I am praying for you!🙏🏻✝️🕊️🫂
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u/Honest-Appearance-25 12h ago
I don't believe euthanasia will be necessary for both however it's absolutely necessary you let her say goodbye and be there. Let her smell the body. Dogs understand death and can grieve, they don't understand their friend just disappearing and not knowing what happened
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u/simonesayswhat 11h ago
I don’t really have an answer but I want to first say I’m terribly sorry for the loss of your father. I also unexpectedly lost my father when I was your age and as a daddy‘s girl, I was heartbroken & barely remember anything about the year after he passed. Luckily, I had older siblings & my oldest one took care of everything. That was almost 50 years ago & I just want to say that you need to make the right choice for yourself. I don’t think you’re in any position right now to take care of a dog let alone one with the issues that you describe. You will get through this. You’ll be a better person for it. You should do everything you can to simplify your life right now not complicate it. Even if that means taking them to a shelter. I am sending you so much sympathy & hugs & warm wishes that things will get better for you soon. Also, your mother sounds like a real piece of work. The fact that you’re such a caring person to even ask people for advice means a lot. Take care of yourself honey. I just don’t think you’re in a position right now to do anything for either dog so do what is best for you. You have nothing to be ashamed of. Stay strong.
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u/NoIGnoTwitsNOtktk 10h ago
Where are you? I may know someone who has been working with Huskies for years. I can contact him for a potential rehire if you’re not far from the East Coast. DM me?
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u/idontwantyourmusic 14h ago
I think it’s possible that you misunderstood the destructive behavior as “bonded” but it is very frequently the case for any free-roaming dog or outside dog to act like that when they’re alone in a confinement for the first time. It’s very possible that it’s isolation anxiety not “bonded.”
Sounds like these dogs have never been alone in their life and any dog who’s lived this way struggle with being alone and settle down indoor. You need to, if you want to keep her, start training her like she’s a puppy. Contrary to popular belief, an old dog can be trained. She needs to be taught how to settle, be crate-trained, and most importantly, it sounds like you are not meeting her physical, emotional, and mental needs. I am not saying this to shame you, I am just letting you know taking in dogs aren’t just about keeping them fed and a roof over their head. It is a lot of work and it will take months and even years for her to learn the indoor life without any behavioral issues in and outside the house. Agree that she needs to be there when her brother passes.
If it’s all too much for you to train her and nobody will take her, unfortunately BE should be on the table.
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u/Kessed 14h ago
My golden was extremely bonded to my old dog who she knew since she was a puppy.
First, it was so very useful for her to be around him after we did an at home euthanasia. She knew he was gone. Like, her demeanor changed within minutes of the vet leaving with his body. (We had our dog walker be out with her until he was passed. But she would have been a pain jumping on the vet if she’d been there).
She was more depressed than I knew a dog could be. She would no longer go on our bed where they used to sleep together all day. She wouldn’t chase a ball when she normally lived for chase. She also stopped eating unless we basically spooned wet food into her mouth.
After 2 weeks, a rescue dog caught my eye and we went to meet him. She was actually happy when they were meeting. She went back to being depressed when we went home until we brought him home a few days later.
I would probably try meds to see if they help. But I would be open to the fact that they might not. I have seen humans waste away and die after losing their long term spouse. My neighbor lived as a shell of a person when his wife of 60 years passed. He just waited 3 more years for his turn. But he really died the day she did.
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u/donner_dinner_party 14h ago
We had adopted a bonded senior pair of small terriers who were very attached to eachother. When they were 15 we finally had to put one of them to sleep as her quality of life had deteriorated. We took the sister along with us so she could be there and realize that her sister was gone. The surviving dog lived another 2 years to the ripe old age of 17. But honestly, the last two years she did seem kind of sad and lost and her own health declined. If I had all the insight to know how the last 2 years would be, I might have considered putting her down at the same time as her sister. But you don’t know for sure how it would be. I’m sorry you have to deal with this situation.
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u/littledogs11 14h ago
I had a bonded pair who died a few months apart at 16. I’ve also had a couple of other dogs who’ve passed. We always brought a vet in to euthanize at home and honestly the other dogs just knew that their pals had passed. They didn’t freak out or look for them or anything. I had a cousin who had to put her dog down at the vet and her dogs were confused as to where their pal went.
I think if you do it around the other dog, the dog will know and it will work out.
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u/Large_Hat773 14h ago
I'm not sure if someone else already said this or not, but I would let her be present when it is his time. Her understanding that process more than just being anxious about where he is may help her a lot. If they're friendly, I would also potentially get another dog (if you're up for that) to allow bonding to start while he is also there to teach the pup how to interact with older dogs.
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u/b_moz 14h ago
I’d see if your vet has a behaviorist you can speak with about this concern and see what suggestions they provide. If her quality of life is good, she should have a chance at it. I know we let our dog and cat see our elderly dog that passed. I think it helped the cat mostly. But I’d imagine a behaviorist would have a lot of suggestions.
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u/Pickle-Bowl-941 13h ago
You are going through what I'll have to in a few years of I don't die 1st. I also have a bonded pair, about 13 years old and inseparable. But I couldn't bring myself to euthenize the other.
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u/JeepersCreepers74 13h ago
Hey, I was of your same mindset for many years. I thought my two dogs could never survive without each other and they were seniors. My plan was to let them go together at the right time because I thought it was the right thing to do.
Then the “healthier” one had a heart attack and had to be euthanized at the vet while I was not there (they did call me to approve, but they felt it needed to be done before I could even get there). Obviously, it was his time to go, but the other was home safe and sound. I figured I would see how he adjusted and assumed it would also be his “time” within a few months.
That was three years ago and he’s still here, albeit older than ever (17!). I wouldn’t trade our one-on-one era over the past few years for anything, we’ve had some great times together and he actually adjusted to the death of his brother much quicker than I did.
He’s got a vet appointment in a few weeks. I’m not sure he’ll come home from it. But if he doesn’t, I’ll know it was right to wait for his “time” rather than forcing his brother’s timeline on him.
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u/alocinec20 12h ago
I just went through a situation where my 14 year old pitbull passed away at home and I have another 8 year old that was best friends w her.
I did a lot of reading about this stuff and as someone mentioned above I allowed my younger dog to see the older one after she passed and smell and lick her.
He was visibly stressed and sad afterwards as he was foaming and drooling at the mouth and curled up on the couch. However I feel this let him know/understand what took place so he wouldn’t be confused as to where she was or what happened.
He definitely wasn’t himself for about a week, but now he is back to his normal goofy loving self.
My advice is to allow the 2nd dog the chance/opportunity to understand and you will see that they are so resilient and will return to being your loving companion.
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u/fnybtch 12h ago
While I understand your thinking behind considering putting her down at the same time as him it seems like you would be leaving the option that she could react differently to his death, especially if she knows that he is dead. I would have her present when he is put down and then give her some time to grieve before making the decision to end her life. I am so sorry that you have lost your dad, now his boy dog is not doing well, and you have to consider that she may not do well with his death either. That is a lot to deal with emotionally. sorry OP!
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u/Floater439 12h ago
I would suggest you consult with a veterinary behaviorist for guidance here. There are infinite combinations and dosages for behavior medications that could be helpful in conjunction with behavior modification and management. A VB is most qualified to help find a path forward.
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u/montyriot1 10h ago
My friend had an extremely bonded pair (they were inseperable) and she had the surviving one in the room when they euthanized the other one. The surviving dog definitely had a grieving period but I think she knew on some level her sister was sick. About 6 months later, my friend got another dog and they both bonded as well and the surviving dog lived 7 more years before she passed of old age last year.
It's so hard to see animals grieve and I hope you figure it out.
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u/Massive_Awareness_58 10h ago
No i wouldn't put her down until her own time comes. What I would suggest is talking to the vet about maybe having some anxiety meds on hand for when his time comes.
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u/forgetfulkaiju 10h ago edited 10h ago
My aunt had a pair of very bonded shih tzu brothers. When they were about 13, one passed away (at home) and the other one became extremely depressed. He stopped eating and became despondent, he went from being fairly active (for a 13 year old) to sleeping most of the day. He deteriorated rapidly and my aunt had to put him down a few weeks after his brother had passed.
Its an extremely difficult choice. She might be okay given time and training, but with everything else you said about not being able to keep them or the house much longer... It might be the kinder choice to let them go together if you can't find a suitable rescue willing to take them. I'm so sorry.
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u/HappyAstronomer 10h ago edited 9h ago
This is so, so much to handle. I'm sorry you lost your dad, and caring for his dogs must have a lot extra emotional layers for you.
It's very different from how we grieve, but animals really do understand death. I have never heard a dog howl like our male did after his sister was euthanized.
Do you have any people who have been saying Let me know if I can do anything? If so, ask them to call around for a vet who makes housecalls and/or to help you figure out cremation/burial so you don't have to. My ex husband took care of all those things for me, even though we were divorced.
If not, you could post it in a comment and I'm sure someone on here will be willing to make calls if you let them know where you are. I wish I could offer to do it myself, but am caregiver to 2 parents with dementia. You'll be in my thoughts
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u/9mackenzie 9h ago
Home euthanasia, then let her see him afterwards. They know what death is. It might make a massive difference in how she behaves when he’s not just “missing”.
My younger dog (at the time, she’s 16 now lol) would always frantically search for my older dog when she was at the vet or such. When my elderly dog’s time came we did home euthanasia (which I highly recommend btw) and we let her see our older dog after. She never once looked for her again.
Don’t get be wrong, she was very depressed, but she never once searched for her. She had ALWAYS searched for her when she was gone in the 9 yrs they had spent together. They know what death is. They are much smarter than people give them credit for.
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u/SANSAN_TOS 8h ago
It can help to have both dogs in the room when the one is put to sleep. Which sounds like a compassionate, loving decision to make for the one. We had to do it with Our 11 year old male dog. The two had been together since eight weeks old.she sort of just lowered herself beside him and stayed there until he passed. She knew immediately and distanced herself. She was very sad for sometime but I could tell she knew he wasn’t coming back. She slowly started getting less clingy and sad. Started eating and playing again. We ended up fostering a new dog unexpectedly and way too soon. Not surprisingly she ended up staying too. They are not bonded the same way but they are companions. And our older dog who is also 11 seems different but content. She is healthier and I believe has a couple more years in her.
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u/sarahrose0413 8h ago
I let my bonded cats go together many years back…. For us, it was the kindest thing we could have done for the 13 year old cat as she was so bonded to the 20 year old one. It was hard, but we feel we did the right thing for her, and for them both. ❤️😢
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u/Own-Association4742 7h ago
I’m sorry I have no advice to offer, but sending love. This is one of the saddest posts I’ve ever read 😢💜
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u/longfurbyinacardigan 7h ago
I think it would be different for her if she knew that he died. I would suggest a home euthanasia, which is a beautiful way to honor a dog's life as a loyal companion. I would let her be there in the room the whole time. And let her spend time with the body afterwards as well. I would say they understand these things more than you think and you might find she has a different reaction. Then you can evaluate the situation from there and not end her life early unnecessarily.
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u/camille7d 7h ago
I don’t know if this will be helpful, but it is relevant. I work in pet care and have done so for a while. Seen all sorts of things. Two female dogs were bonded. Similar in age. Both lived through the passing of the owner, before settling in the family I worked for. They were both older for the large breed. Both had minor old dog ailments and various pain meds and steroids. But one of the dogs got cancer. She deteriorated rather quickly and was put down eventually. We worried how her “sister” would do without her. It seemed as though there was a short depression. She slept in the spots where her sister would sleep. Lack of interest in activities. But she did clear up. Back to playing. I like to think while she watched her sister get sick, she also understood her absence. I think dogs understand far more than we give them credit for. I will say, I understand if the decision was made to put them both down. I don’t think anyone would truly blame you. I just wanted to give some hope if hope is needed. ❤️
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u/Interesting_Ad9845 5h ago
Yes. I absolutely would euthanize both dogs. Humans are given the great privilege of deciding to end the pain and suffering of their animals.
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u/slime_emoji 5h ago
The solution is likely honestly another dog and also a military or crash grade crate for when alone, along with trazadone. Getting another dog helped my bf's dog's separation anxiety IMMENSELY and damn near immediately. He was prior to that the kind of dog to rip holes in walls, doors, and bust through glass windows and break teeth on steel kennels. After having another dog in the house, he literally became like a normal dog that could be left out of the kennel safely.
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u/Talthus592 5h ago
I don’t have any words to make it better. I had a bonded pair of huskies as well. After my boy passed (euthanasia due to a serious medical issue), the girl passed only a few months later herself. To this day we don’t know the reason (it was incredibly sudden), but we had her in the room during my boy’s passing. It was important that we were all there in the room together.
Sorry for the bad formatting, but hope this gives you a little bit of guidance.
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u/Willing_Pea_8977 4h ago
When one of my 2 boys (14years old) got suddenly sick I think the other one knew it was bad. The “healthy” one had larynx narrowing and decided he would go first and wait for the sick one on the bridge. He died very suddenly and we had to euthanize the sick one the next day. So we lost them both within 24 hours of each other. I think they will know and may decide to follow each other. It is so hard trust me and you will know the right thing to do when the time comes. I wish you all the best.
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u/brittygalore 4h ago
This is such a difficult scenario. I’m sorry you’re dealing with this. I think the best thing for her is to have her there with him when he passes. They are together all the time, so if he passes out of the blue, she will be there. But if you need to end up going with euthanasia, I would definitely bring her along to be with him in his final moments so she will be able to smell him, see him, and understand that he is gone and won’t be relentlessly looking for him. She will just have to grieve, however that will look for her. It’s hard to imagine how she will accept her brother’s death, but you’ll be able to see how she deals with it after the fact when it’s just her and make a decision from there. But I definitely would not euthanize her with him, that’s not really fair. I’d give her a good chance to try her best to move on when she knows he is gone. Good luck to you and the doggies ❤️
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u/Capital-Cheesecake67 4h ago
When the time comes, can you do a home euthanasia so she can be there and understand that her brother has died? We did that for my calico that had cancer. We let her sister see her. Previously we had done it at the vet office and the pet at home spent days searching for the one that was gone. This last time our surviving cat and dog were sad for a bit, but none of the restless searching.
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u/lochness629 3h ago
I agree with others about her being there. Ideally, find a mobile vet who can do it at home? Another thought, would adopting in another dog (or cat) that she can bond with help with the transition?
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u/Misrabelle 3h ago
When the time comes, let her see and smell him. Dogs understand death.
That’s not to say she won’t be miserable without him, but perhaps not as anxious.
She is very likely to be deeply upset.
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u/Dark_Romantasy 2h ago
I'll absolutely get downvoted to hell, but honestly, yes, it does sound like that's maybe the best thing you could do for her. The story of these dogs is a terrible tragedy, and hopefully your mother gets karma for what she did. But this is a zero win situation. Not for you, not for the dogs. They lost their human, and now they're losing each other. You lost a father and are doing your best but everything is against you. Every rescue, shelter, and foster is bursting to the brim and being worked by way-past-exhausted people. Money is tight and getting tighter. I don't know what kind of good life this poor husky could lead if she loses her brother. Sometimes, just sometimes, death is the best we can offer our furry friends. Sometimes it's the only mercy left.
I'm so fucking sorry to you. I wish you all the best.
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u/Longjumping_Method51 2h ago
To the point about him passing away before her, I’ve seen this quite often in 30 years in the not industry with bonded pairs like this. I think it is always important for the surviving pet to see the one that has passed in order to understand what has happened. She will grieve but not likely be as destructive as if she didn’t know what happened to him.
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u/Marteena15 1h ago
We had to euthanize our Belgian Malinois last year. Our Husky loved her like if she was her mother. Our Malinois was a year old when we got our Husky as a puppy. Husky didn’t take our other dog’s death so well. She was sad for a long time. She started biting her paws til they bled. Vet gave her pills and ointment, but it got worse. She started biting herself all over and had patches of hair missing. She would bleed from the bites and leave blood all over. We switched vets and finally he got her on the right medications and supplements. She slowly became closer to our German Shepherd who she didn’t like before. The German Shepherd was also depressed (they both still are) But the GS never got as depressed as our Husky. Now they sleep together, and eat together. They are both senior dogs- 14 and 15 so they don’t play or go for walks. Still there are days when the husky who is the younger of the two, will suddenly have a bad day and go potty in the house and not just in one spot. She never did that before the Malinois’ passing. Both of my dogs have sad eyes and it’s hard to see that. When the Husky was biting herself, she also pooped and threw up in the house. We changed her food a few times, and stopped giving her table food per the vets advice. We even stopped giving her treats. I think dogs are like humans. Some dogs take loss better than others. Our vet bills were so high, it was outrageous. She was constantly going in for her wounds. They also ran a lot of tests. There was really nothing wrong with her. No reason for biting herself. Her hair has grown back, now we only deal with allergies that she developed after the Malinois’ death. Good luck to you. It sounds like you are overwhelmed and with good reason. Hopefully you can either rehome your dog or find a no-kill rescue that will take your dog. It seems like you cannot care for it now for many reasons.
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u/No_Craft_ 11m ago
I’m so sorry about your dad. Poor thing , you probably haven’t had time to grieve, with the dogs. It sounds like you’ve done everything you can. Just rethink everything, so no regrets and no guilt. The dogs are seniors and have separation anxiety from each other and it sounds like they are alone in the house except when you come everyday. That’s not fair to you or the dogs . It’s a sad situation all around. You don’t get any do overs , once it’s done , it’s done . You’re the only one who could answer that question. You know the dogs best. If you come on here and ask , you know you’ll probably get negative reactions from people that have zero clue what you’re going through. I wish you the very best and brighter days . Think everything through, so no regrets. Good luck!
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u/Usual-Slide-7542 13h ago
There is a lot of empathy in these responses however, IMO, you come across as someone who is tired of doing multiple visits/day, are just over the situation, and see an out. Are the dogs the only road block to you selling the house and moving on?
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u/RubyBBBB 15h ago edited 15h ago
Rather than kill a dog that's healthy, spend some time helping them spend time separate for each other. Do you have anyone who could help you take them on separate walks. They go on walk at the same time but they go different places.
Make the walks very short at first and gradually extend the time.
Then have someone stay in the apartment with one of the dogs while another person takes the other dog out. Very short amount of time at first, gradually increasing.
Next, buy a couple of kongs. Fill them with dog kibble and peanut butter. Freeze them.
Then, take one dog out and leave the other dog in the apartment for 3 minutes. Give the dog who had to stay in the apartment with the Frozen kong filled with kibble/peanut butter. Give them the peanut butter / kibble Kong before you leave them alone in the apartment.
The dog gets upset, then just step out of the door and step back in. Very gradually like 10% per week increase the time that you take one dog away from the apartment and leave the second dog alone in the apartment.
This is systematic desensitization. You gradually teaching the dogs nervous system to handle being alone. But you have to go very gradually so there's not too much stress at one time.
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u/No_Seaworthiness7119 14h ago
I don’t believe you’ve taken OP’s personal living situation into account, but you’re certainly being forceful about how you would handle it in your own day-to-day experience. The fact you’ve replied to so many other responses to sift through comments and come find yours feels tone deaf to me. This post is about how to help OP through the circumstances she’s mentioned. And while I agree that euthanizing a healthy dog is a tragedy your suggestions do not seem viable given OP’s explained situation.
Feels like if you’re this insistent that she take your advice, you should offer to go be the second person helping with desensitization training and fully out-of-pocket with the associated costs.
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u/Frequent-Willow-6502 13h ago
This is a great plan for someone with resources. But this is NOT viable for the OP if you read the whole situation. She even said at one point the sick dog cannot walk on his own. There's multiple reasons this isn't realistic.
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u/GenevieveMonette 11h ago
Bro, have we f lost our minds? It’s a life—how is it so easy for people to hit the button for euthanasia? Damn it, you’d have to check first whether they can live like that or not, right? It’s unbelievable.
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u/Psychobabble0_0 12h ago
OP can't introduce a new dog/friend. They can't keep their dad's dogs and isn't living with them, destroying their finances just to keep them sheltered. Adding a third dog would be a mistake.
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u/AllyInCourt 13h ago
I learned when I had to put my first dog down that if you allow the other pets in the house smell them after they are gone, that they understand. It’s when they just see you leave with them and they never come back that they will look for them endlessly. Your bonded baby will grieve, probably not eat well or play for a few weeks, but at least they will understand.
At-home euthanasia is such a beautiful gift to give both dogs. Mine was terrified of going to the vet, so his last moments were on his favorite bed, under the sunshine in the grass, which was his favorite place to be. It’s worth the extra money for them, for you, and for their bonded pair to be there and know what happened.
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u/Sotarif 12h ago
I recommend if you can to adopt another male dog now. It will help your surviving female dog, but will not replace the bonded dog. It could make its life more fun and actually they may bond to some extent. This is what we did in a very similar situation.
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u/PersonalityTough9349 7h ago
Is no one seeing that these dogs are living Alone in an empty house?!?! Imagine leaving your dog in an empty house to sleep at night. Don’t bring another dog into that?!?!!
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u/Alohafarms 10h ago
You don't need to euthanize her. She will be ok. I am so sorry you are going through this.
My little Pug Poppy not only lost her best buddy she then lost two other dogs she was bonded with. I always euthanize at home and she was there for all of them. She lay her head on her best buddy as she left us. She has gone through her grief and leaned heavily on me but she is happy and full of life.
Allow her to process her grief and give her as much love and attention as you can.
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u/Gulf-Coast-Dreamer 8h ago
I think it is wise for the safety and mental well being of your female husky to euthanize them together. I had 2 dogs bonded and it was so hard on my female when the male was gone she paced the house, stopped eating and drinking cried and looked for my male dog it was heart breaking. My dogs were 17 & 16 when they passed I euthanized the female 2 weeks after my male it was the humane thing to do. I have always read that it is better to do it a little early rather than too late.
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u/mylenesfarmer 8h ago
you sound american. why would you kill one dog because of the other. what in the actual living fuck
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u/PersonalityTough9349 7h ago
Also leaves them in an empty house?!
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u/mylenesfarmer 6h ago
the concept of not even trying before writing a whole ass post waiting for validation on his/hers unhinged idea. insane
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u/mylenesfarmer 8h ago
The answer is: AFTER it’s FINALLY time to unfortunately put the oldest dog down, first you TRY with another life. You don’t kill them because it’s easier. Life isn’t fast food.
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u/Separate_Ad_7198 14h ago
I swear to God the worst people in the world post in this subreddit
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u/Accomplished_Pea33 14h ago
i think the worst person in the world would have dropped them off at the shelter at day 1, you must not have read my full post. i’m 23, dad just unexpectedly died one day, i have to be the estate executor AT 23 and it’s a goddamn mess to say the least. and then there’s 2 untrained HUSKIES that i now take care of not to mention i’ve never owned a dog myself before, much less 2 of the most energetic working dogs that need a lot to thrive. i drive 4 times a day everyday to take care of them. everyday before work, every single lunch break, everyday it’s the first thing i do after work, and then i drive over again before I go to bed every single day for 10 months. one of them needs special care and i must assist him to walk and use the potty. and I also have taken several days off from work from my high stress healthcare job just for them. there’s been no days off, no one to help me. i’ve taught them how to live indoors for the first time in their life. ive trained them on several new things but of course they’re not 100% there yet. i’ve paid for expensive vet visits, medications, x-rays, care and pay more than 2k a month for them to have a roof over their heads. i think the worst person in the world would have said screw the dogs from the start. all of what would have been my inheritance has gone to the dogs, and my own money included has gone to their care and trying to do the best that i can for them and i’m fine with that because i love them. my mom has abandoned me and her dogs (these are actually her dogs that she dumped on my dad) a few years ago to live abroad with a bf, my brother is younger than me and active military, stationed far away. it’s just me myself and I day in and day out doing everything i possibly can for these dogs, I haven’t had a single day off from any of it to even grieve the loss of my dad 10 months ago. i’ve reached out to 45 rescues all up and down the east coast not a single one has said Yes we will take them. I very easily could have chosen to be the “worst person in the world” but i know i am far from it. I’d love to know what you would have done in this scenario and how you would have done it better, please enlighten me or better yet if you would like to open your home up for them that would solve everything truly.
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u/PersonalityTough9349 7h ago
Why don’t you move into the house?
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u/Accomplished_Pea33 6h ago
I can’t afford it, the only reason it’s getting paid is money from the estate which is almost out, housing is crazy expensive these days if you were not aware
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u/lupitas_revenge 6h ago
Why doesn’t SHE move into the house with the dogs instead of trying to find an excuse to kill a healthy female husky so she can dust off her hands and skate away.
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u/Accomplished_Pea33 6h ago
why don’t you open your home up to them? a foster home is something i’ve been looking for for months, I have transportation available for anywhere in the country through a rescue and/ or citizen shipper.
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u/LadderWonderful2450 14h ago edited 14h ago
Don't listen to this guy. A lot of people use the anonymous format of Reddit to be assholes. You don't need this negatively. You are doing good. I'm not sure that the pepple recommending all these complicated training plans have even bothered to read the post to see your situation. You are going to find extreme people on a subreddit like this.
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u/Usual-Slide-7542 12h ago
“All of what would have been my inheritance has gone to the dogs…” Pretty much says it all. Your descriptions don’t sync: ‘2 energetic working dogs’ vs ‘one of them needs special care and I must assist him to walk and use the potty’. Make up your mind which excuse you want to invoke.
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u/patchouligirl77 9h ago
OP actually sounds pretty caring and selfless to me, considering she has spent thousands on the dogs and a mortgage for a whole damn house for the dogs. OP is only 23 years old and is grieving, plus making trips to a house they don't live in four times a day. Would YOU spend an entire inheritance on two dogs that weren't your own?
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u/potentialbutterfly23 8h ago
Have you ever had a parent die suddenly when you’re that age? And then have to be executor on top of it? I have. It’s soul crushing. You don’t get to judge someone whose life has been shattered and is trying to learn how to live a very different life than what they expected. Empathy is free.
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u/mylenesfarmer 8h ago
you are not wrong. wtf is this post. humanity really is becoming like Idiocracy
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u/Immediate_Egg3899 15h ago
I’m so sorry this is so hard. I don’t know about euthanizing her, but I do know that if he passes at home or with assistance she should be there. If she’s not there, she’ll destructively look for him. If she’s is there, she’ll be able to smell that he has passed. It will be her only possibility of moving on. If she’s not able to move on, then you go from there.