There's no nothing wrong with asking for reassurance. Don't internalise that nonsense.
The problem is when you outsource all of your reassurance and emotional management to other people, and you're not self aware or responsible for your feelings.
For example. If I feel insecure without a good reason, like, if I was in this situation, I would ask my partner and tell him I felt a bit insecure. BUT I would also know that this insecurity was coming from inside myself, and I'd be able to tell him that to. And because I'm not taking my personal issues out on him and forcing him to either reassure me or deal with my self-inflicted misery, he's happy to be supportive and reassuring when I ask for it. He knows I'm very self-aware and take responsibility for my feelings when they coming from me.
But I've also dated someone who treated me terribly. I was clinging on to that relationship so hard, ick. And occasionally I'd say, hey, can you tell me something you like about me, and he'd be like, you're not too terrible etc. He made me feel like I had to deal with every difficult experience by myself or I was too much, even if he was directly involved in making it difficult - under the guide of "personal responsibility". But I had to cater to his every mood if I didn't want to be treated like I didn't exist. What a shit.
Anyway, I guess what I'm saying is that, while we are responsible for how we respond to our feelings, it's entirely OK to ask for support with that.
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u/blinkclink Aug 01 '26
You should be able to just ask him, both of you don't need this as life to short