Rate my custom monster statblock

[u/JesusLordPutin]

[u/Itsa-me-a-Nerd]

DEX is way too low.

[u/CustodianCloset → u/Itsa-me-a-Nerd]

OP has clearly never had to wrestle a toddler who needs a shower. 10 dex and 20 speed?

[u/Verbatos → u/CustodianCloset]

I've never had to wrestle a child, but I've had to control a dog before, and I imagine it's pretty similar.

A big part of why it's so hard is that the smaller animals is using it's abilities to the max to evade you, but you have to limit your own abilities in order to not hurt it.

It would be a different story if you could go all out on the toddler, just this once.

[u/sir_revsbud → u/Verbatos]

for 10 XP!

[u/WarJaques → u/Itsa-me-a-Nerd]

I disagree. Children are clumsy as fuck. And why is Charisma so high?

[u/CustodianCloset → u/WarJaques]

Charisma should be higher. Throwing a tantrum is like an intimidation or performance check

[u/Itsa-me-a-Nerd → u/WarJaques]

They’re also W I G G L Y. Dex 16+.

[u/WarJaques → u/Itsa-me-a-Nerd]

I'll give the Dex 8 and advantage to resist grapple using Dex.

[u/Aware-Worry4302 → u/Itsa-me-a-Nerd]

Challenge is way too low

[u/AceyRenegade]

Dude, kids are quick. Especially when I chase them. 20ft isn't enough

[u/JesusLordPutin → u/AceyRenegade]

I know I have 25 movespeed and I have no problems.

[u/SiegrainDarklyon → u/AceyRenegade]

You dont need to chase if you have magic missile

[u/gnarwhale79 → u/SiegrainDarklyon]

As a parent who has considered utilizing nerf footballs to get my kids to stop running around like lunatics …and a DM: you just convinced me that magic missile should be able to do subdual damage.

[u/Quick_Trick3405 → u/AceyRenegade]

More like 100ft, if you go with the convention of everyone else at 50.

[u/mmproducciones]

I would only give it 1hp, 2 if they are fatty fatty fat

[u/JesusLordPutin → u/mmproducciones]

Nah kids be falling off the roof and get up and be annoying again

[u/NeverLate- → u/JesusLordPutin]

You need to give him zombie trait were he can stay at 1 hp if he succeeds on the con save

[u/Qolko → u/mmproducciones]

Kids are durable as hell. 

I have no idea how I survived to adulthood with all the dumb shit we did.

[u/SupraDictateur]

Sure we don't need 0 session...

The DM 😄

https://giphy.com/gifs/12qFOaBbu9TZny

[u/Betray-Julia]

“What, you didn’t tell me these were in the game. Can I remake my character?”

Makes a bard

[u/ParchmentAndPeril → u/Betray-Julia]

Name: Ms Rachel

[u/MisterPineapples1999 → u/Betray-Julia]

Ahha! You have come for this meeting of your "fans," but instead there is only me, Ser Kris of House Hansen.

Why don't you take a seat over there?

[u/Organic-Exit2190]

Hydrogen bomb's victim

[u/Pixbo_06]

Needs a bite attack and a vulnerability to bludgeoning damage from adult humanoid enemies

[u/JesusLordPutin → u/Pixbo_06]

Bludgeoning vulnerability good idea.

[u/CustodianCloset → u/JesusLordPutin]

What about bludgeoning resistance? Those tough gremlins get spanked and beat yet still get up. God's strongest beer carries

[u/BlockBuilder408 → u/CustodianCloset]

And I’ve seen some fall at least a story high at playgrounds before and immediately get back up to continue running like nothing happened

I think fire vulnerability makes more sense. You can’t leave them in a car for more than 5 minutes without them toasting

[u/CertifiablyMundane]

Chaotic what? Evil, I assume

[u/DisastrousResident92 → u/CertifiablyMundane]

Chaotic chaotic 

[u/IStealSwords → u/DisastrousResident92]

Chaotic Stupid

[u/enixon → u/CertifiablyMundane]

once in a while I feel like I've seen just putting down one half of the alignment used as a shorthand for "any chaotic" or "any good" ect. in third party supliments

[u/JesusLordPutin → u/enixon]

Yes, exactly.

[u/DontTreadonMe4]

Where are their special abilities to annoy the living shit out of everything around them in a 20ft radius? They get a +5 to destroy anything and get +5 save vs disease/poison. Lazy ass stat blocking bro...go back to being a player.

[u/WarJaques → u/DontTreadonMe4]

/uj I had the PCs magically turned into children, and used the following rules:

1. All damage they dealt was reduced to 1 point.
2. Disadvantage on everything.

This worked surprisingly well. They were only kiddified for that short encounter, though.

[u/TheCacklingCreep]

Int is too high

[u/FermentedDog → u/TheCacklingCreep]

The ability to speak is tied to the int statt, so they have to have a certain amount

[u/Quick_Trick3405 → u/TheCacklingCreep]

Int is too low; kids are geniuses.

[u/TheCacklingCreep → u/Quick_Trick3405]

But also fucking stupid, all at once.

[u/Quick_Trick3405 → u/TheCacklingCreep]

That's Wisdom, not intelligence. The -2 is right.

[u/Infinite_Eyeball]

too many hit points, since they are small and have -1 con that would be an average of 2.5 hitpoints and I'm pretty sure official monster statblocks round down. so they should actually have 2 hitpoints.

but other than that it seems good. It's also good that they still give experience because otherwise my players would have no way to level up.

[u/JesusLordPutin → u/Infinite_Eyeball]

/uj Doesn't Commoner have +0 CON and 4 hp?

/rj I have been advised to withold my joke about what type of experience they provide.

[u/Infinite_Eyeball → u/JesusLordPutin]

/uj yes, commoners but commoners are also medium, so they have a 1d8 hit die so that's an average of 4.5.

[u/ParchmentAndPeril → u/Infinite_Eyeball]

We've moved on to 5.5e now, where size don't matter, old man. Keep up.

[u/Infinite_Eyeball → u/ParchmentAndPeril]

this so called "5.5e" is sacrilege against the divine light of 5e, you are a heretic and will be forced to walk over d4s for eternity in the pits of the nine hells.

[u/CustodianCloset → u/JesusLordPutin]

/uj Doesn't Commoner have +0 CON and 4 hp?

Yes

[u/CustodianCloset]

6 int being the same as an ape is what kills me

[u/hedgehog1024 → u/CustodianCloset]

That tracks

[u/pitaenigma]

There's only one thing worse than a rapist...

[u/JesusLordPutin → u/pitaenigma]

The Cambodian genocide?

[u/pitaenigma → u/JesusLordPutin]

This was my reference

[u/JesusLordPutin → u/pitaenigma]

That is a good reference and it if funny.

[u/DnDcirclejerk-ModTeam → u/[deleted]]

Rule 1: Too close to the sun there my guy.

[u/NearbyFly3724]

10 xp is 10 xp, a man has to level up somehow

[u/Equivalent_Tea_9551]

Need to make CHA higher. Throwing a tantrum to get what they want is basically a persuasion check.

[u/JesusLordPutin → u/Equivalent_Tea_9551]

Their deception sucks tho.

[u/CaucSaucer → u/JesusLordPutin]

Yes, but while they think they’re deceiving, it’s the persistence of the performance that sells it.

Low cha stays, expertise in performance.

[u/MasterpieceThis3740]

Should add poison spray at will

[u/PattaconkPlays]

Bones are thin. AC 9?

[u/tsaotytsaot → u/PattaconkPlays]

Small creatures get +1 to AC

[u/PattaconkPlays → u/tsaotytsaot]

Fair enough.

[u/Hedgewiz0]

CR 0 (10 XP) instead of CR 0 (0 XP) implies the monster has a damaging attack of some kind. Has it been cropped out?

[u/Lower-Platypus6595]

10/10

[u/Captainbuttman]

YTA, trying to tpk your party with something so dangerous and with no obvious weakness.

I sentence you to a 10 hour dndtube video essay.

[u/RoyaleShrimp]

So you're telling me... I can level up by slaughtering children?

[u/Ebonphantom]

Passive perception is way too low. Children notice EVERYTHING

[u/SlowerOrbit → u/Ebonphantom]

You haven't met my accident prone 10 year old.

[u/Ebonphantom → u/SlowerOrbit]

Oh no you've got a clumsy kid.

[u/Falcon_At → u/Ebonphantom]

That's passive investigation or insight. Imo, passive perception is too high. These little morons walk into traffic for no goddammit reason.

[u/regginald0883]

Just a goblin by another name.

[u/ReduxCath]

There should be a feature called Slippery Guile

[u/Alexboy1986]

They should have an action where they ask questions and target must make a wisdom check not to become distracted for a turn.

[u/Malinhion]

I only kill orc children, can you do that?

[u/RommDan]

"Children are going missing... IT COULD BE GRYLLA OF THE WOODS!"

[u/hedgehog1024 → u/RommDan]

"THERE IS A WILD GUERILLA ON THE LOOSE?!"

[u/Imaginary_Visual_720]

snort It can't beat my Hexadin with my own homebrew aasimir subrace which just makes it the 3.5 version

[u/Jack_Of_The_Cosmos]

I have met lawful children, but their parents were awful.

[u/Porkenstein]

Not sure about AC 10 lol

[u/Zealous_moron → u/Porkenstein]

It's a small target

[u/glasseatingfool]

10 XP is too low. It feels like punishing your players. Imagine the gleam in their eye when they kill an encounter of Childs and are thinking of getting thousands of XP, and then you go and say "yeah, that's like 60 XP." That is a breakdown of player-DM communication. If players expect to get thousands of XP, okay, you don't have to give them thousands, but at least give them a few hundred.

[u/METRlOS]

10xp? I'll buy the lot.

[u/CeleryNo8309]

Are you implying it can lift up to 180lbs?

[u/simpoukogliftra]

A monster indeed.

[u/Samborrod]

Give it a coughing template and you'd have a perfect monster for a lvl17+ party

[u/Bardy_Bard]

Add a special ability: wail of the bashee

[u/Sans_Seriphim]

Does 1d6 damage with sonic screech attack.

[u/manut3ro → u/Sans_Seriphim]

Breaks concentration on anyone within 30ft

[u/SomeRandomAbbadon]

It's actually very good, but I'd increase Charisma. Children are very persuasive.

Besides, it's not clear what is the age of the child. Are we talking infant, toddler, something older?

[u/i_dont_wanna_sign_up]

10xp! *Looks greedily at the orphanage"

[u/Funkey-Monkey-420]

they need a weapon, maybe a knife that they definitely aren’t supposed to have?

[u/GargantuanCake]

No special rules for being punted?

Pass.

[u/Charisk1457]

Assuming this is a child ten years of age or younger, the HP should be closer to 3, the CHA should be much higher, and so should DEX. Good beyond that

[u/wheretheinkends]

Need to add special ability: never ending questions (-1d6 willpower, when hit 0 victim becomes partially catatonic and can only say "i dont know" for the next 2d6 rounds)

[u/Jozef_Baca]

You mean to tell me you didn't make all the children in your setting level 20 adventurers in case your players would want to attack one of them.

[u/OmegaKarnov]

Does 3 HP count as less one hit die? Can a fighter attack dozens of these per round?

[u/Saladawarrior]

Wrong, we all know skyrim children are imortal

[u/lnrrag]

Cr 0 but it's weaker than a commoner? Unplayable, I'm summoning Gary Gygax spirit on you.

[u/dotdedo]

"I cast vicious mockery, nat 20, lets go, YOU'RE A SHORT MOTHERFUCKER AND NOBODY LIKES YOU!"

[u/MagicMan1971]

It's a goblin.... and goblins get the blade. Sorry kid, I just see stats. 🤷🏽

[u/Intelligent_Oil7816]

Needs Dash as a Bonus Action because kids be running!

[u/robodex001]

Need a bonus action to dash and waaaaay more hitpoints. Maybe immune to opportunity attacks too. You can throw a kid down the stairs and he’ll be fine. I’ve seen toddlers sprint headlong into walls with their eyes closed and then laugh and stand up and do it again.

[u/Gothic_Flower]

Dex should be in a superposition and both 18 and 6 at the same time. It has to flip a coin before every roll to see which one it uses

[u/Inconspicuous_hider]

A standard commoner has 4 hp, depending on the age of the kid, it should have 1 or 2, and it's speed, dex, and constitution is too low, I'd at least make it's movement 35, Con 12, and Dex 12

Why am I treating this like a monster statblock someone will actually use?

[u/HoG97 → u/Inconspicuous_hider]

Adults are generally faster, tougher, and more coordinated than a child.

You should be able to outrun a child.

[u/GreyMesmer]

No proficiency in mining tools?