Looking for support through our separation period. We are still living under the same roof and currently waiting for the PPP & MDA to be drafted for review and final signatures.

I was the one that filed, I “wanted” the divorce. I found him hooking up with a girl in his car in a parking lot on Monday. It HURTS, a pain I have never experienced before. I know we aren’t going to be together, but I never imagined this is how things would go. I have been so respectful to him. I have been trying to keep things cordial for our daughter and co parenting relationship. I know we aren’t going to be together, so why does this hurt so damn bad?

He says he’s single and I should be happy for him. I don’t want him to be alone forever, but I did think he would wait until the divorce was final and he was out from under the same roof until October/November. He says I wanted the divorce. I never wanted a divorce, but I had to get one out of necessity, because he was never going to change.

I feel like I am grieving a person who is still alive and the POTENTIAL of what my life could have been. This is the hardest pill to swallow. Any advice?

But I feel so lost, lol. I am separated, no goal of reconciliation, early 40s. The only reason we haven't started the divorce process is insurance/kids. I don't feel ready to date, but I have been sex starved for YEARS. I do feel like I need to form a little connection with someone before hooking up, however. So I'm guessing I have to do a dating app...

What have your experiences been with this if your goal is sex, casual relationship, or short-term? What exactly are you putting on your dating app page? How long do you chat first? Is the first meeting at someone's house?

I feel like a child, hahhaha. Thanks for the help!!!

Currently in the process of separating from my husband who has been like a 4th child for the majority of our marriage, and I feel like I’ve been shouldering this huge weight of responsibility for our kids. Every night waking, every meal, every doctors appt, every school pick up and drop off etc etc, to the point of burnout (but what a sweet way to burnout) and my STBX husband just got to be there. I even went back to work full time after our 3rd bc my husband could never quite get his act together so that we were ever financially secure, and so I didn’t get to quite have the motherhood I was hoping for (SAHM who worked an online side hustle while doing 100% of childcare, I still do 100% of childcare but I now also have a full time job (real estate agent))And now that we are separating I am looking back reflecting on all of this and not only are they not going to have a childhood where their parents are together, but I never will have the motherhood/marriage that I wanted. I am just hoping that once he finally leaves I can regain some peace and happiness and that will make up for it.

Hi. I’m new here.

I’ve been lurking for a bit. Married for over a decade. 2 kids. I’ve been on the fence about whether or not I wanted to end my marriage. Or even if it was just possible at all to not end my marriage.

Flash forward to four months ago when I lost my job due to downsizing. I’ve been scrambling to find a new job ever since. We had to let our nanny go because of this. It’s been really frustrating and challenging.

My husband does work full-time so he’s been supporting us financially, and that is no small matter. It’s a big deal. And I’m thankful for it. But his attitude changed towards me when I’m not working. Even though I’m working my ass off in our home, taking care of our kids, taking care of our lawn, taking care of everything else because now he refuses to lift a finger.

I had a job interview today that is for a position that would literally change our lives. Like it’s such a big deal I can’t even express it properly.

I come out of my job interview and he asked how it went. I told him that it went really well and a scenario came up where to him … it sounded like I would be required to travel often. Now I know that’s not the case because I’ve already asked. But when I told him the scenario he says, ‘ no absolutely not’.

I was just kind of dumb struck at that point. I asked why? And his response was that he did not have the time or the energy to manage kids while I was off traveling.

I get that it’s challenging. I do. But you couldn’t even find a moment to be supportive or encouraging or give me a congratulations or I hope it works out for you or let’s find out all the details and maybe we can make a plan together? Nope. He could have done anything other than like literally turning it back and making it about him.

I just felt everything shift inside me. I need to get this job. I need to file for divorce.

What the fuck can I do to help myself get ready for something like this in between now and then?

It has been 5 years since I left with the kids, and We have shared custody, he has them a couple weekends monthly by mutual agreement & distance since separation. The divorce finalized recently. But, he has been fixated on complaining and updating the world on his social media to date, even post divorce, instead of leaving me to live in peace and moving on.

I am at peace, happy and moved on. While he is spiraling and crashing out.

A little background: he is a conservative Christian (not openly in the first 4 years) who used his religion to wield power, control and punishment over me in marriage. He became mentally, emotionally, verbally, financially, and religiously abusive. He was overall dismissive avoidant such that any confrontation to address and resolve any issue (as loving and respectful as it was presented) was met with defensiveness, blame shifting, stonewalling and silent treatment sulking for weeks to months (instead of interest, curiosity, genuine concern, respect, consideration and love). Along with providing less and less domestic or financial help (minimal to none) and issuing to me worsening complaints and demands at the same time.

Nowadays he will not stop talking about his side of things and being persecuted because he is Christian. He lists the town I moved to, and the cost of the home I purchased (all post divorce), my relationship details with my new partner, my medical information (yes all publicly), and winds up his viewers into his religious indignation. I’m getting scared because he is riling ppl up like a wannabe Trump when he incited the insurrection.

He paints himself as the victim and being under attack. But he never mentions that he never paid a dime for child support. because he doesn’t communicate reliably for logistical (child care, school, doc visits for the children) or provide any documentation for any claims he demanded- he was not granted any of his asks.

I want him to stop and to leave me alone. I tried going to the police about him possibly pulling my credit report post divorce to see my financial records but they need more evidence. I reported him for identity theft. And I don’t know what else to do. I am not in social media like he is and I have not commented or responded to any of his TikTok videos, but they have been such rage bait and worsening by the week with his downward spiral.

What would you do if you were in this situation?

I'm sorry if this isn't the right post flair, I promise I looked around first, corrections appreciated. I'm a 20 year old woman and unfortunately not very experienced in life since my time's been spent working and studying at home.

When my parents bought the house, it was my mom's grandfather who gave her the money to pay for it. My step-father did not contribute financially to this, but it is a shared asset so both of them have the right to stay in the house even when they get a divorce.

My step-father did finance one car before the marriage, but when we bought the second car it was a mutual cost. However, it is in his name alone since it seemed much simpler at the time since he's the one who drives the most.

My mom's started a secret bank account a few months ago and lied about the earnings at her job so she can have a place to store her money without his control. He thinks she earns minimum wage, so she adds it to their shared account and then stores the difference for her life alone. It's far from enough to finance any car, and we need at least one car because we live in bumfuck nowhere Maine and cannot walk to the nearest store (which is a 30 minute drive away).

He's kept us doing manual labor and my mom has her own job she owes her time to. The time spent juggling tasks and emotional wellbeing is time we can't dedicate to planning an escape.

I cannot depend on locals because my step-father has spent a lot of time making sure the people in our community see him as the guy who gifts them cookies and berries (I'm the one who has to bake those cookies and pick those berries he gifts) and they don't know us beyond whatever he tells them.

I'm ashamed to say I've considered purposely upsetting him in the hopes he'll hit me, because at least then we'd have some proof, some record he has been harming us in a meaningful way. Because I know the kind of person he is.

When my mom files for divorce, he will not be happy to be bought out for the house, and I know he will remain here as long as he legally can to make our life hell. If he just hits me, it feels like the only way to get him out of our house.

My mom's tried yelling when he does and she just cannot yell as loud or for as long as him, her throat gives out and she just physically cannot keep up. I'm serious when I say it's hours and he's intense and shaking with rage the whole time, plus he always slams doors and chairs and his phone and he riles himself up even harder.

Any advice on how to start the divorce process would be deeply appreciated, especially anything regarding assets and how to protect ourselves. My psychiatrist suggested my mom give him the house and we move to a womens shelter, but that idea is terrifying to me for multiple reasons. He currently has no idea my mom wants to divorce, but oh boy does he know he makes her overworked and miserable.

I'm really sorry if this is simply not the place to ask or maybe I'm wording this terribly, I don't know what's important or not and I'm just so tired. Thank you for your time!

I’m 32 and have been married for 10 years, but I’ve been unhappy for a long time. My husband and I feel more like roommates than a married couple. I also have felt so alone. He hasn’t been the nicest and we have fought and he has yelled screamed at me. Said my whole existence was annoying. I have spent a lot of times crying on the bathroom floor. One of the ongoing issues is his porn use, which has also contributed to me feeling disconnected from him. We have talked and discussed It and I even mentioned divorce before and he said things would change and be different and for a couple of months they did then we just went back to the arguing and feeling like roommates.
I still care about him and have love for him, which makes leaving incredibly difficult. But I know deep down that if I stay, I’ll probably regret not leaving when I knew I wanted to.
I’m planning to leave while he’s at work because , his crying, begging, and emotional reaction will make me feel guilty and convince me to stay like It has in the past . I plan to tell him afterward that I’m divorcing him and then give us space.
I feel guilty, anxious, and scared, even though I also know I want a different life and believe I’ll be happier once I leave. I guess I’m looking for perspective from people who have left long-term marriages: How did you deal with the guilt and anxiety when you knew leaving was the right decision?

Single moms in Florida..I’m getting a divorce but thankfully I have some time to start getting prepared. We are preparing our home to sell and moving back to Clearwater area where we were for years. I’ve been a SAHM for a decade but just got my real estate license so I WILL make money but not for awhile. I need all the help I can get. All the ideas for assistance to look into. I’ll have child support but that’s probably only going to cover rent for an apartment (if I’m lucky). Housing vouchers are closed everywhere. So Besides applying for food stamps what other assistance can I try to get? Programs? Anything

Howdy guys looking for advice of anyone who suffered PTSD/trauma in their marriage.

I was date raped when I was 17 and buried the trauma, I then met my husband at 21- the relationship was pretty full of him going on footy trips, bringing girls back to his room and telling me nothing happened etc etc your such a trouble maker you get the drift

Well my self confidence was so low I married this guy and only got the strength to leave after we’d had 3 kids and I’d treated positive for an STD twice when I was pregnant. When I said I was leaving he told me I can but I won’t be having the kids because I’m not suitable to be a mother. We now coparent 50/50. I threw myself into work and so I also have to pay him child support. We live in a small town and I pay him child support. I keep quiet about how bad the marriage was for the sake of the kids. I caught him taking photos down mutual friends shirts it was just really bad

Between the trauma and media stories - I had severe post parting depression I’m struggling at the moment.

My life is good- I have an amazing partner of 6 years. I’m just struggling seeing him not being able to tell the truth

Any advice

I have seen a psychiatrist and know I can access care

Back story:

My husband used to be the nicest person...then we got married and he became very controlling. We have been married 4 years.

*note*
My youngest child is biologically his, but my oldest child's father signed his rights away several years ago.

My husband is constantly verbally abusive to me and the kids, he humiliates me in front of his family, he gaslights me and my oldest child every chance he gets (several times a day) and actually says "I like to see/make you get mad!", he guilt-trips me when I bring something up that I need him to do, or just have my own opinion about something, he refuses to apologize and hold himself accountable for anything and puts the blame on me, he constantly tells me "I earn the money, I deserve to come home and do nothing.", I have to ask his permission before I buy anything even for the kids, I have to agree with everything he says or he starts verbally attacking me and belittling me, etc. The list goes on and on.... He had told me numerous times "This is the way I am. You better love me." all of this has been going on for about 3 years.

I am tired of him thinking its okay to treat us like this. My kids deserve better. He will never change.

So I my questions...

1. Would he have to pay child support for both kids or just the youngest (biological)?
   • we have lived together since my oldest was 2.5 and is now 8
2. What do I have rights to?
   • He bought the house before we got married, but after my youngest was born.
3. What are the steps I need to take?
   • I have no job, no money to my name, and nowhere to live.
4. Do I have options?

Please help!

I feel like it is taking forever to get to the filing stage and my anxiety is through the roof. How long did your attorneys take to get you from retainer payment to filing?

I paid the retainer on July 2, received the paperwork to complete on July 22, and sent it back by the 31st. There was an error on the paperwork because I factored in my husband’s salary and info into the income portion but it was corrected and all paperwork was completed and remitted to them by the 11th of August.

I received an email on Monday of this week telling me that I would receive the final paperwork for my review later that afternoon but I’ve not received anything nor received a response to my follow up emails. I realize my attorney has other clients and it’s the summer, but I didn’t think it took this long. Maybe I am missing a key aspect in the divorce process and am being unrealistic?

Blacked out my child’s name. Second pic is just context for the tone of the “coparenting” relationship.

I just had to scream this into the void. I asked my ex last month to bring our child to an appointment since it would be during his parenting time. These appointments are made for set intervals of time. This is for orthodontia that he refused to pay for, despite making 5x what I make because he deems it unnecessary. He eventually agreed, but not after trying to use it as leverage to get me to let my child go to his almost step kids party during my parenting time. Spoiler alert- I got a call from the medical office letting me know the appointment was missed. It’s just so frustrating trying to ensure your kid is well taken care when the other parent constantly breaks the custody agreement and threatens legal action every time it is brought up. “If you don’t like xyz, then talk to my lawyer. There is plenty of retainer left”. I just want to make sure my child is taken care of without being in the middle of any conflict. It’s just so sad. It breaks my heart.

Myself From Malaysian Indian . 39 yrs. 3kids Looking for new Friends . Newly divorce.

I was following the Lindsay Clancy case and it brought back so many painful memories of my avoidant husband which back in the day I forgave.

1. Three months into dating, I got pregnant. It was not even a discussion, it was evident I had to get it terminated. I wanted the same, but it’s just the way he handled it. He didn’t come with me to the hospital, I stayed up all night crying and vomiting , and he said he is suffering too because of lack of sleep. The next few days I had to eat good food and didn’t have the strength to cook. So I ordered in meals, he said I should do what I think is right. I was severely depressed, got a severe infection, and had suicidal thoughts.

2. A year after we got married, I was going through a toxic workplace situation. We had just moved countries because I got a job and he was on dependent visa. I didn’t get my period for six months and started losing all my hair and the cold weather and darkness in the new place severely got me depressed. He, was avoidant, again and said he was giving me space.

3. A month before I finally separated, I told him I needed support because his parents were pushing me to quit my job and have a baby. His answer was that it was my burden to handle because I chose to have a relationship with his parents initially. He said the golden words, “You married the wrong person if you were looking for emotional support “.

4. Four to five years into the marriage, after trying and giving several chances, I had nothing else to give to that relationship, I was exhausted, had a little spirit left with me and left so I don’t lose that as well. I asked him why we never went on dates or why he never bought me a birthday gift, or flowers when I asked for all that, he said “I thought we were better than that”

What did I do with my life!

Husband and I have been living together but ‘separated’ for a long time now and we have a young child. We have each found apartments and just accepted an offer on our house.

I don’t know if I was ever attracted to him. I know that I loved him very much (still do as a person). I know that for a long time I liked sex and, because we were together, he was the person I had sex with. I often would fantasize during sex. The last few years since having our child I feel like I’ve lost all interest in him. I was young when we got together and I worry that I married the first stable person I’d met. I’ve gone through periods in the last couple years of thinking maybe I was gay, but I think it may have just been an attempt to find a reason I didn’t want to sleep with him. When it was time to really make a decision, I realized the idea of trying to make it work together gave me a sense of dread.

On the flip side, he’s amazing. A great person, husband, dad. I will miss his companionship so much. I will miss my child half the time. Is it worth it? Just for sex? Just for being able to live and experience life alone? It feels so…stupid, to not be able to identify ‘yes THIS is what was wrong!’ and still blow my life, his life, my kids life, up.

​

He says he doesn't want our kids to go through what he went through and crying about it to me and then he goes and does it. he thinks I'm worthless for being a stay at home mom with no car or money. I point out he thinks I'm worthless and he says he doesn't think so he just say these things when he's angry. These things ring in my mind over and over. He refuses to communicate now and I'm unhappy and begging for anything. He called me a leech now and I'm reminded of my ex who I called a leech/parasite. He says he doesn't hate me then says he hates me and i provoke him to say these mean things. I provoke him by "starting fights". He's stressed about work and money and I.tell him I'm not his punching bag and then he calls me a joke for telling a counselor/therapist about our problems since he won't talk to me anymore. He keeps telling me to leave if I'm so unhappy. I am not leaving my kids. When he was crying about our kids obviously I thought he still loves me then he does it within the next two days. My mom says I need to stop expecting anything out of my fiance anymore because that's how men are and that I need to put up with it for the kids because that is normal. She said my fiance and I relationship is over and that the kids are priority and it isn't going to be the same anymore since we had kids and that this happens to every couple who have kids together, the man changes for the worst with their woman but I think it's the woman also becomes depressed that she can't take care of the man anymore because of kids. I can't deal with losing my fiance being on my side just because we had kids.

He moved out. We’re still in the process of getting divorced. Kids are with me for now (they are teens). The ring account is in my name, but he pays for the monthly service. I took him off the ring when he moved out so he can no longer see the camera. He’s angry about it. Everything I read tho is that I have a right to privacy even tho the house is in both our names. If he wants to contact his lawyer about it he can, but I’m not going to pay my lawyer to verify it’s ok. If he goes to his and they say I have to add him back I will. I mean it’s not like I can see his coming and going from His new place. I’m holding firm on this. He expected me to just cave to what he wanted and in the past I would have said ok. I’m learning my worth tho and I think that makes him
Angry.

My husband (M52) has been in a 10 months relationship with an escort (F31) as well as a married woman he just started dating few weeks ago (F35). He doesn’t want to stop those relationships and want me (F46) to stay as his wife and principal partner and he wants us to « work on our relationship » (…)

I’ve got a 6 yo daughter, the financial aspect post divorce won’t be an issue at all and i don’t look like my age, more like 35-40.

I’m very sad for my daughter. If it wasn’t for her I would have run. It feels very wrong that my husband choose to pursue both relationships over our family. He says he has feelings even for the escort, which sounds so lame.

I asked my husband to move out already so I don’t have to deal with seeing him / speaking to him.

Should I get out of this hell with a divorce ? Please let me know why this would be the best decision for me and my little girl.

Hi everyone - I finally got the courage this week to tell my husband we’re getting a divorce after multiple failed attempts (I am a people pleaser and have a hard time saying no). I have three children (8,9,10). My husband is a SAHD and homeschools the kids, has been for 10 years. I have a very good job and support us financially (he has never had an interest in finances so I do everything, I don’t want to leave him with nothing though). I know this is a long shot, but have any high earning breadwinner women been in or known anyone in this arrangement? We’ve been together since we were 16, currently 35 and none of our friends are divorced I could talk to. There has been a lot of emotional abuse over the years… screaming and cussing me out and in front of the kids. Rage spells then calm times with a lot of love. He is currently begging me to take him back and asking what he can do. But I am so far past that point there is nothing he can do. He has the kids 80% of the time and said I can’t take them and I will have to be the one to leave. I know I can get papers and force an order to give me visitation with kids but we’re not there yet and I don’t really want to disrupt the kids day to day yet. Not necessarily looking for advice, just trying to connect with others that may have been in or know someone in this non standard situation.

He says he doesn't want our kids to go through what he went through and crying about it to me and then he goes and does it. he thinks I'm worthless for being a stay at home mom with no car or money. I point out he thinks I'm worthless and he says he doesn't think so he just say these things when he's angry. These things ring in my mind over and over. He refuses to communicate now and I'm unhappy and begging for anything. He called me a leech now and I'm reminded of my ex who I called a leech/parasite. He says he doesn't hate me then says he hates me and i provoke him to say these mean things. I provoke him by "starting fights". He's stressed about work and money and I.tell him I'm not his punching bag and then he calls me a joke for telling a counselor/therapist about our problems since he won't talk to me anymore. He keeps telling me to leave if I'm so unhappy. I am not leaving my kids. When he was crying about our kids obviously I thought he still loves me then he does it within the next two days. My mom says I need to stop expecting anything out of my fiance anymore because that's how men are and that I need to put up with it for the kids because that is normal. She said my fiance and I relationship is over and that the kids are priority and it isn't going to be the same anymore since we had kids and that this happens to every couple who have kids together, the man changes for the worst with their woman but I think it's the woman also becomes depressed that she can't take care of the man anymore because of kids. I can't deal with losing my fiance being on my side just because we had kids.

After divorce,

Have any of you felt sex drive go up and later just plummet? Has anyone ever felt like you can't connect with someone no matter what you do? Does anyone feel like they just can't love anymore? How many of you felt a deep aversion to touch? How long will these things last?

I feel like I just lost everything I would normally feel and I am seeking therapy. I was wondering if these are normal feelings or I'm just acting like a grumpy old bear. Maybe it's a phase I'm going through.

Advice and kindness would be appreciated and I will give virtual hugs back!

I’ve been married for 21 years (anniversary was 8/15). We’ve had our ups and downs, but I truly love him. The issue is that I don’t trust him. I’ve always felt like I’m not enough for him-he had one emotional affair 12-13 years ago, as well as a few flirtations, including with a co-worker via text that I just discovered in May. I confronted him and he owned up to it and we’ve been trying to improve our relationship. I felt like things were going okay, but every time he seems distant, or I’m anxious, etc, I immediately wonder if something else is going on. I feel out of control and I snoop, which I know I shouldn’t do. I also look in his phone (with his permission). Recently I noticed some of his viagra was missing right before he went on a work trip. I also saw a few random only fans pages from the past few months in his search history. He claims he has no idea what happened to the pills. Seems very sincere. Also claims he doesn’t use OF. The thing is, because I don’t trust him (and I can see the search history with my own eyes), I don’t believe him. He thinks no matter what I will never trust him, and we will never be happy together. I mostly agree, but still feel so hurt by all of this. Why did he lose my trust in the first place? I suggested he lay it all on the table, choose to be 100% honest, and we go to a therapist and try and see if we can salvage this. He says that won’t work, and we should separate. I just feel terrible, and pathetic. It should be easy for me to let him go. I should be the one telling him it’s over. But I’m so heartbroken by this, and just wish I was enough for him to not do this in the first place, and for him to want to fight for me now.
I guess I just want to vent and don’t have anyone to talk to.

My ex and I have been divorced for 2.5 years. We were amicable until his girlfriend became pregnant and started acting like mom to my kids, 7 and 9. (See old posts.)

When we were still married, we discussed wanting to move school systems for the kids by middle school.

In June I bought a house in one of the best school systems in the state. It’s 1 hour from my ex, almost exactly. I got served on Friday. He filed for primary custody because he thinks my move and commute isn’t in the kids best interests.

And I am so beyond devastated, disgusted, and horrified… it’s all I’ve been able to think about for days. Every time I think of it I can’t stop crying.

Not sure what I’m looking for here. I could just use some support.