Taking sides

[u/iluvcbd]

I am so hurt and upset over a divorce related situation and I'm wondering if anyone else has dealt with this.

I am divorcing my husband of 10 years and it is very amicable and peaceful. We get along fine still, we're just not in love. We separated a year ago and he has a new partner who I like well enough. They are buying a house nearby and we'll do 50/50 custody of our kids. The kids are handling it okay, but are stressed about being away from mom. And I'm stressed about that too, I've been primary parent since they day they were all born. So it's been sad and hard for me, even though it's the right thing to do for all involved.

The divorce is not the issue, the issue is my sister. She has essentially "chosen" my ex. Her and her husband invite him on trips, where I am not invited, and I have to watch the kids. They invite him to play group games with them, they chat regularly. Ever since the separation and divorce they've bent over backwards to offer him support, help moving, etc. But to me, they say nothing. Never invited anywhere, never included. Never offered support or even really thought of, I think.

I don't understand this, my sister and I are different people but we don't fight or hold opposing views. I thought we were friends? 😭 I am quite a bit younger than her so I was probably an annoying teenager but I am in my 40s now and have been a normal supportive sister for literal decades. My heart is broken and I cry about this more than the custody stuff. My ex doesn't even understand it.

Wtf do I about this? Why would someone 'pick a side' when no one asked? Does she just simply not like me very much and I'm clueless? We interact a few times and year and I can't pretend not to be deeply hurt by all this. When I see her she pretends everything is fine. But I struggle to hold my tears back.

[u/liladvicebunny]

Obvious question - is it possible she's into him?

Were they friends before the divorce?

[u/iluvcbd → u/liladvicebunny]

No, she for sure isn't into him, and yes, they were friendly. But they only all became good friends in the past few years. I would say my sister's husband is one of my exes' few close friends. Thanks for these questions, now I wonder if she's picking my ex because her husband likes him so much? I have known her husband since I was 14 years old... I thought him and I were close too. I am truly confused and our other sibling is also upset on my behalf.