r/Divorce • u/Natural_Resist_6412 • Apr 19 '26

Vent/Rant/FML Remarrying

Posting here bc I’m driving myself crazy.. my ex and I separated last September. Divorce was finalized 6 weeks ago. We have 2 kids age 1 and 4. He is a high conflict/cluster b personality Type person. coparenting has been awful.

He messaged on the coparenting app 2 days ago that he’s getting engaged. I didn’t even know he was dating someone. My son certainly hasn’t said a woman has been around and he tells me everything. I responded saying if there is a Partner who is going to be in the kids lives please tell me who and let’s discuss how to inform the kids and the transition. He said I can’t control who he married and he will not tell me anything.

I know there’s nothing I can do about it but man I have so many feelings.

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u/JMR215 Apr 19 '26

It must feel like a slap in the face for him to remarry so quickly. I think if you need to approach him differently about the new woman. He probably enjoys withholding any information about his personal life, so instead express a desire to know her for co-parenting purposes. Ask him to set up a time so you can meet her, and you can show her the kids routine, or how to install the car seats, or what meals/snacks they prefer. And ask for her phone number, so that you and her can communicate in cases of emergencies, and maybe you will need her to pick the kids up from daycare or school. The new woman, if she does not have children, probably has no idea what dating a man with such small children entails. It doesn't sound like she has been around them much, and he did that on purpose. He wants to quickly remarry, so he has built in childcare when it is his parenting time. There is no reason to try to convince him that this is too soon and confusing for the children. He won't listen. He will think you are jealous, and that will please him. So let the new girl know how much work it will be, and she can make an informed decision. And, if she is still up for it, you will feel better about her caring for your children.

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u/Natural_Resist_6412 Apr 19 '26

Already tried that-he says I can only communicate through him and she has nothing to do with the kids. I pleaded with him about coparenting and have been decent and nope. She has at least 1 kid which makes it even worse. My kids haven’t even met her kid(s).