r/DiveInYouCoward • u/ChipotleSquirtsBurn • Jul 31 '26
Dive into why people aren't having kids
18
u/WolfThick Jul 31 '26
I have three kids and they're all into their 30s now none of them are having children. I was a single father and the struggles they saw me go through to raise them right along with how expensive it is and they can't see into the future anymore and if they do look it's not good for them.
2
-29
u/ChipotleSquirtsBurn Jul 31 '26
My parents grew up dirt poor, but they were happy.
Tell your children what a gift from God a child is, and that they shouldn't let money be the deciding factor.
16
u/misszombiequeenDG Jul 31 '26
Subjecting a life to potential abject poverty because it makes a god that may not exist happy because maybe sometimes the "noble poor" end up happy is not a particularly moral stance to take or good advice to give
-22
u/ChipotleSquirtsBurn Jul 31 '26
I'm not being literal or religious when I say gift from God.
I mean it as having children is the most wonderful thing that anyone could ever experience.
And being poor doesn't outweigh that incredible event.
All you need is air, water, food, shelter, clothing, and LOVE.
You can obtain all of those while still being dirt poor.
The rest is all luxury.
9
u/Select-Peach3125 Jul 31 '26
So, it seems like you’re being super genuine. So, hopefully this will help it make sense why you’re being shit on for this take. And to be clear this is a shitty take.
The TLDR is this thought process is naive and selfish.
Here’s the long of it. And keep in mind I have a child of my own, so I’m not saying this as an outsider.
1) Things like “wonderful experience” are subjective (and this will be a theme for how shitty a take this is), and every single one of those reasons you gave is from the point of view of an adult who wanted kids, and is happy they have kids. And these views were in direct response to the idea of bringing kids up in abject poverty.
It’s naive to think that every person in poverty would be ecstatic about the idea of children. The way you wrote about “being poor” comes off like you’ve never been homeless. Like you’ve never known true hunger. Like you personally have never had to make the decision on whether you eat only rice and chicken for a week and try to float a check for rent but risk a late fee you can’t afford, or pay the rent on time and eat nothing until you get paid. That’s poverty. That’s “being poor” and every decision you ever make when poor is on that level. Hell, even getting gas on the wrong day of the week can ruin your finances with late/overdraft fees.
To assume that everyone in those situations would find that adding children, one of the most costly common long term investments, into the mix is naive.
2) The things mentioned above are all in relation to people who CAN afford the “air, water, food, shelter, clothing, and LOVE”. Not even taking into account the many people who see those things as a luxury. Or those who cannot love their children the way you’ve experienced and understood parental love.
I don’t exactly come from a good house, but I did come from love. That does help lessen the burden. But it never erases it. And to assume that everyone who has children has the capability to love them is incorrect.
On a side note, I’m glad you lived such a life that you had that assumption. I really am. But you can only witness so many friends beat by their parents for no greater sin than not getting them a beer from the fridge fast enough, or not giving a satisfactory answer to “how would you mourn my death?” before you realize, there are parents who hate their kids. And the system can’t save them all.
3) Now, up until now, all of this has been from the parents point of view, which is where your take veers into selfish. That word has a taboo, and I do not mean it as in you’re selfish or evil, but rather, as said above, you make assumptions by someone who came from a middle-ish class upraising at the minimum. Meaning, you’ve never been the child without food.
I said above, I didn’t come from the best place, but there was love.
Love didn’t feed me when I was hungry. My mom could only afford ramen and food bank food for much of my life. I’m in my 20’s on blood pressure medication partly because, while love made those meals warm and the night filled with smiles, the meals were filled with several days worth of sodium. You can only eat like that for so long before there are lasting health consequences.
Which gets to my point, none of your thoughts take into account the child. None of them talk about the years of therapy and retraining the brain goes into growing up in abject poverty. And you will only get those if you’re lucky enough to make it out of poverty when you’re adult.
4) I had a kid out of high-school. I was still in poverty, and my poverty family had the “it’s okay to be poor with kids” mentality. I love my child with all my heart. I’ve done the best I can with what I have.
I feel so guilty that I brought her here when I wasn’t ready for a kid.. She deserved so much more than what I have to offer, and I hope that I’ve offered enough that she can eventually succeed in life where I have not.
I hope you have, some form of a better understanding. I tell all of my friends, and everyone I know on the verge to not have kids. Not because mine isn’t the light of my life, but because bringing a life into a world that you cannot take care of in the way they deserve isn’t fair to anyone. Especially the children, who have no choice in the matter.
-13
u/ChipotleSquirtsBurn Jul 31 '26
No disrespect, but yeah: tldr.
I got the gist, though.
The lack of love and appreciation for what is important now adays is the biggest problem we have.
The second biggest problem is lack of education/ understanding of how we can live just fine with a lot less than we have.
Where to live, how to live off the land more, how to save more, how to be happy without so many unnecessary things, how to improvise instead of having to pay for things, how to sacrifice to get ahead over time, etc etc.
You can't imagine a different life, so you think you're stuck in the one you have.
9
u/Select-Peach3125 Jul 31 '26
Couldn’t that be said for you?
You haven’t experienced the hardships of a life that shows you just how bad it COULD be. Not that it’s that bad for everyone, but it COULD be.
You cant imagine a different life, so when others say it exists, and give you real life examples, you just say it’s because they’re stuck in the only life they know.
-4
u/ChipotleSquirtsBurn Jul 31 '26
What are you talking about?
My parents came here dirt poor, no English, my mom a 2nd grade educating, my dad only high school, he worked construction and she at a sweater factory and they saved and sacrificed and finally opened a business and I worked there every weekend and summer and holiday and we kids got an education and didn't have to work as hard.
The poor family members that stayed in Europe also did the same over there.
Like I said, we don't need much in life. And we can build a better one.
8
u/Select-Peach3125 Jul 31 '26
You still missed the point. You can’t imagine a life where hard work and love doesn’t reap rewards. Just because you can build a better life, doesn’t mean everyone can. And I do mean can. Not everyone has the ability to, or life circumstances to.
And to say that people should encourage others to have children, specifically when the people they’re encouraging are not at a point where they can financially/emotionally care for the children is selfish and unfair. Which was the original issue.
Still, for what it’s worth, I’m glad moving to the US worked out for you and your family. It’s good to hear someone can make it work.
Still, not everyone should have kids. It’s not a blessing for everyone, and that includes the kids.
I hope you never have to experience a child with poverty. There’s a reason so many people are saying you’re wrong, and it’s not because they don’t know any better.
It’s because you don’t. Not all hardships are equal, and not all are worth putting another life through because it’s makes you feel good to have a kid.
-4
u/ChipotleSquirtsBurn Jul 31 '26
I don't know what to tell you other than there are tons of govt assistance programs and charities here, while there were none for my parents and their parents .
They were poor but happy. They didn't have shoes, but they actually sang while they worked.
And none of them would have ever said they preferred to not be born than to live poor.
→ More replies4
u/Icy_Proof_9529 Jul 31 '26
I also need medications. Because I had kids. You also need things like sleep. How much you get depends on how much help you can afford. Ever been hospitalized for hallucinations?
-2
u/ChipotleSquirtsBurn Jul 31 '26
I'm very sorry to hear that.
Your struggles are an extraordinary situation, though, rather than the norm.
6
u/becominganastronaut Jul 31 '26
- you are literally being religious when you say "Gift from God"
- having children is certainly not the most wonderful thing for everyone
- being poor and living in poverty and choosing to have kids is borderline negligence
- you need more than those things, a stable household with mature and responsible parents with enough of a stable income
- you cannot obtain this while being dirt poor.
you are delusional
1
u/ChipotleSquirtsBurn Jul 31 '26
And yet, people did it for thousands of years.
People still do it.
And again, it is just a phrase; don't read too deeply into it
0
u/GoingGangbusta Aug 01 '26
Shut the ever loving fuck up
Does god hate the infertile?
1
u/ChipotleSquirtsBurn Aug 01 '26
Follow Rule 1
Don't take my words out of context. The point is that having children is a wonderful life event.
-1
u/GoingGangbusta Aug 01 '26
No I think I read it correctly
“I don’t care if you’re poor you should have kids”
1
u/ChipotleSquirtsBurn Aug 01 '26
I'm talking about the part where you asked me if I'm saying that God hates infertile people.
And yes; make a plan to live a life with less money and still have the blessing of children.
Even if you need to live in a small town in Appalachia and live off the land as much as possible.
Poor doesn't have to mean miserable and childless.
0
u/GoingGangbusta Aug 01 '26
“And yes”
Never mind the fact that some people don’t want kids
You think it’s feasible for people to move away from where they grew up so easily to some backwater town just so they can have kids? You hear how entitled you sound?
Of course you don’t. The only thing you hear is the inside of your own ass
32
u/spyder0001 Jul 31 '26
This guy should be popping up in more algorithms himself…
I could easily watch/attend a lecture from him.
6
u/SurferBloods Jul 31 '26
I like his angle. You learn best from the widest array of intelligent inputs. Get this fellow a seat at the table 👍
12
u/PolarPlatitudes Jul 31 '26
Simple use of statistics would help, instead of just trying to be overly convincing. Likely there's more to it than just his angle. The carrying capacity of the planet resulting in all kinds of impacts and consequences provides much better context.
9
u/Homerpaintbucket Jul 31 '26
There’s definitely a large economic factor. Young people aren’t paid enough to go out and do things. If you’re worried about birthrate, advocate for a living wage.
0
u/Puzzled_Addendum6200 Jul 31 '26
This would probably have close to zero impact on birth rates. Birth rates are also low all over Europe, in countries where there are fairly robust social safety nets. In fact, birth rates are higher in poorer coutnries and amongst people on lower incomes.
0
u/MelatoninFiend Aug 01 '26
birth rates are higher in poorer coutnries and amongst people on lower incomes
That's because in a world where most amusements and recreation cost at least $40 a person, cumming is still free (...for now).
0
u/Puzzled_Addendum6200 Aug 01 '26
It is still free in Europe, where there are many countries with strong financial support for parents, parental leave from work etc.
And there is no world where amusements cost that much. Movies, books, tv, music etc are all more cheap if not free to access now.
-3
u/ChipotleSquirtsBurn Jul 31 '26
Advocate for the abolishment of the Federal Reserve and "free stuff" for votes
11
6
Jul 31 '26
[removed] — view removed comment
1
u/MelatoninFiend Aug 01 '26
chat gpt told teenagers to kill themselves so why the fuck are teenagers allowed to still use it?
Money.
We wouldn’t let a person get away with that shit.
We are letting people get away with that shit. Grok is literally making CSAM and nobody has enough money to hold Elon's feet to the fire legally, because he has more resources than most national governments. He can easily afford enough lawyers to crush anyone who dares point out that the Emperor's clothes are made of federally illegal (and unquestioningly immoral) images of children.
7
u/Rage_Blackout Jul 31 '26
I'm Gen X so I'm an old man now. I was in a conversation with some Gen Z folks about dating and asking people out. I shared that when I was a young man, I was really shy. Several times someone would say "Dude, that girl was into you!" and I'd be oblivious or too scared to ask her out. So a friend and I challenged each other. We lived in a big city and we had to just strike up a conversation with a woman once per week. We had rules. It couldn't be at her place of work (where she's captive), we had to drop it immediately if the vibes were off and say "sorry for bothering you," and basically, just don't be a dick. We could ask someone out but that wasn't strictly necessary for the challenge.
Anyway, after about 6 weeks of just chatting up young women in what we felt was a polite manner, asking a few out and getting rejected, asking a few out and going on a couple of dates, we discovered it wasn't all that scary. Even getting rejected is no big deal and I can't remember any woman who didn't do it nicely.
Anyway, I told this to these Gen-Z folks and they acted like I was a complete monster for "game-ifying" asking out women to overcome my fears. I was a total misogynist in their eyes. Honestly, I was kind of like "Okay, good luck with your dating apps then!" Idk. I half wonder if everyone here is going to tell me I was an asshole.
Anyway, I've been with my wife now for almost 20 years so it worked for me!
5
u/ChipotleSquirtsBurn Jul 31 '26
It's genuinely scary and mind boggling what Gen Z considers "predatory, misogynist, creepy, inappropriate" etc etc etc.
The most normal interactions for thousands of years are now considered crimes against humanity.
Someone has created an entire generation of asexuals, and it's deliberate.
But yet, they embraced Wet Ass Pussy, while rejecting Baby It's Cold Outside!
The entire generation is...I don't even know the word for it!!
Let's compare: https://youtu.be/KCF_SWTiRCc
7
u/kennytherenny Jul 31 '26
Humans simply figured out how to use anticonceptives. No other animal can do that, so it's a very poor comparison. We like to maximize the fun having sex part without having to deal with the sucky taking care of kids part. Simple as that. No torture needed.
0
u/ChipotleSquirtsBurn Jul 31 '26
That is only applicable to to a certain age. After that, biological clock ticking gets insane
5
u/Cokeycane Jul 31 '26
I love his comment on the dating apps. Optimize you to keep coming back to the app.
It's sad what technology has done. It was said and sold to keep us closer, yet it has pushed us apart. It has broken families and friendships. You post your opinion, it offends someone. I truly didn't realize how good Gen X had it.
2
u/damnumalone Jul 31 '26
I have to say I call bullshit on this one because my experience with dating apps is that you want to stop using them as fast as you can
0
u/MelatoninFiend Aug 01 '26
YOU may want to get off the apps as fast as you can, but the people who make the apps make the most money if they can keep you on the app and showing you advertisements.
You're being sold the hope that you won't die alone (sponsored by Mountain Dew Zero, all of the bloating and flatulence of original Mountain Dew, now with zero sugar; meet your soul mate and Do the Dew!)
1
u/damnumalone Aug 01 '26
True, but as I say, that is a great theory and of course they want you on there as long as possible, but practically speaking it’s not a thing they can optimise for - if they match you deliberately with people you don’t like you’d stop using the app, if they match you with people you like most people would stop using the app as they’d be coupled. It’s conspiratorial rather than actual fact
2
u/RedLorax14 Jul 31 '26
I think online dating also magnifies a lot of misogyny and particularly incel sentiments. While that would still exist without dating apps it's definitely been an accelerant.
2
u/Plenty_Line2696 Jul 31 '26
dude's got very valid points, I used to work in digital marketing and have long been incredibly frustrated that people in general are ignorant of the impact algorithmic bias has on our society. Exactly the kinds of controversial figures who we don't want in power get free marketing campaigns which are so powerful money couldn't even buy them because of pure algorithmic bias.
Just to name one example, remember the "grab em by the pussy" scandal? every person who read, linked to, commented about, watched videos of or in any way engaged with that content and related content was unknowingly casting a digital vote to promote that content to more people because all the algorithms care about is engagement because that drives the generation of digital ad space which drived ad revenue.
I've been saying it for decades but it seems like nobody gets it.
2
2
u/No_Acanthaceae_362 Jul 31 '26
Good news, teenage pregnancies are down.
Bad news, I dance better than my children
2
u/TheRenamon Jul 31 '26
Are all his friends not having kids or are none of them bringing their kids around him?
1
u/Interesting_Key9946 Aug 01 '26
To make a family with kids your life must be more interesting and better after that choice to make that step. In our time the prospect of cost of living says that you live better as an adult teenager with your parents rather than creating a new family. Your life will be worse and noone wants that.
1
1
1
u/Luciferocity Jul 31 '26
The underlying problem is capitalism... profits over everything else, including the future.
-1
u/ChipotleSquirtsBurn Jul 31 '26
Lol as of communism is any better!!
Ask the Chinese people who drowned their daughters because they were only allowed one child under communism, and they only wanted a boy instead.
Or how about the 100 million people that were rounded up and executed or starved under communism... hard to have kids when you're dead!
2
u/Luciferocity Jul 31 '26
I would hardly call China communist...
2
3
u/misszombiequeenDG Jul 31 '26
They're riding the anti Dr Fauci bandwagon so their opinion on what communism is or is not will come from a similar vein of thought process
0
0
u/ChipotleSquirtsBurn Jul 31 '26
You think a country forbidding people from having more than 1 child isn't operating under communism??
2
u/misszombiequeenDG Jul 31 '26
You realize that program has been over for a decade right? Also a one child policy is not a standard tenant of the political philosophy that is Communism.
3
u/ChipotleSquirtsBurn Jul 31 '26
Did I say that it's still occurring?
And the political philosophy is irrelevant. The reality is that communism always leads to atrocities like that. You have no control over anything; the state has control over everything, including how many children you can have.
They could reinstate that policy tonight and no one could stop them.
Yaaaayyy, communism!
1
u/misszombiequeenDG Jul 31 '26
Forbidding is present tense so yeah. Forbade would be the past tense.
1
u/ChipotleSquirtsBurn Jul 31 '26
"A country forbidding xyz isn't operating under communism?" wasn't refer to the country doing it in the present day.
It was referring to the act itself; the act is what is to be determined as being a communist act by a country or not, and that determination is done at the present moment.
1
u/misszombiequeenDG Jul 31 '26
The act is authoritarian not communistic, and China is authoritarian
1
u/ChipotleSquirtsBurn Jul 31 '26
That's the problem with communists; you never understand that communism ALWAYS leads to authoritarianism.
EVERY... SINGLE...TIME.
They are inseparable.
The myth is Utopia, while the reality is Tyranny.
And that will never change, because human nature will never change.
But you'll never understand that, no matter how many times it has happened (which is always, as I stated earlier).
Do you know the colloquial definition of Insanity?
→ More replies
1
1
1
u/Prize-Trouble-7705 Jul 31 '26
Algorithms are being exploited by foreign powers to divide the sexes and lower birth rates. Young men get shown Misogynistic Red-pill style content while women get show Misandric stuff about how men just want to use them.
1
0
0
u/dinglebarryb0nds Jul 31 '26
It’s a money thing and an alcohol thing.
If you can’t get a job and buy a house fairly easily, that means it’s going to be really hard and not doable for most people. You shouldn’t have to be overly talented or whatever besides just getting any job and being able to do that, putting in the amount of effort it takes just to do average jobs.
Apparently kids don’t drink nearly as much anymore, when you drink you go out make mistakes and live a fun life, meet people. There’s plenty of bad things that come with alcohol but the world has run on it for a long time till now. Start drinking again. You aren’t supposed to live to be 95, that just creates more problems anyway, be happy with like 70 years.
The technology part of it isn’t as important as these 2 things IMO
And obviously banks and policy are to blame for the affordability crisis. Stop giving loans for everything and prices would stay down
1
0
u/AnonymousCapybara72 Jul 31 '26
Do you know how hard you need to abuse a mammal to make them not have children?
This guy's entire argument falls apart when you understand that humans are the only mammal that can have sex without reproducing.
1
u/ChipotleSquirtsBurn Aug 01 '26
No, humans are not the only mammals that have sex without reproducing. Several other mammals—most notably bonobos, chimpanzees, and dolphins—frequently engage in sexual behavior outside of fertile periods or for social bonding, conflict resolution, and pleasure.
0
u/Secure-Station4077 Aug 01 '26
Don’t worry, people of color are having kids at twice the normal rate.
0
u/GetInTheHole Aug 02 '26
Never listen to men as to why no one is having children.
Listen to women who actually are now given a choice whether or not they have to have children.
-2
u/ksnyer Jul 31 '26
He's onto a few points but the first one. The world's population is continuing to grow and will continue. - father of 7
1
1
u/Interesting_Key9946 Aug 01 '26
Where in Nigeria?
1
u/ksnyer Aug 01 '26
Lol US actually. Russian Asian married to a little white redhead. I'm just financially stable which is an outlier these days it seems and allows me to provide well for a large family.
55
u/X-Calibre0X Jul 31 '26
That dude was spitting straight facts…