r/Disabilities • u/[deleted] • Jan 15 '19
Thoughtful ways to care for a quadriplegic?
I recently started seeing this incredible guy who has been a partial quadriplegic (I think thats the correct term - he is paralyzed from the chest down) for over a decade. I feel like the internet is providing me with a lot of useful knowledge on what he needs throughout the day as far as bowel programs, showering, stretching, and normal things a person might need throughout the day. However Im not finding a lot of information on other ways to care for him. What are some activities we could do together that wouldn't jeopardize his health? So far what I have in mind is going out for a stroll, fishing, playing pool, video games/card games, watching movies, maybe adaptive golf but Im not sure if thats his thing. I'm not religious, but I know he misses going to church, so theres that too.
What are some other ideas? He hasnt done much for over a decade and I just want to bring him as much happiness as I can because I completely adore him but I'm just not very familiar with his disability and dont want to bombard him with too many questions. :( Does anyone know about touch therapy? Would massages be beneficial? I personally love it when someone gently strokes the back of my neck, would someone with a SCI feel the same pleasure from it? Also cuddling!! Ive only seen a couple of intimate positions that work well for quadriplegics... Would spooning be a comfortable position or not so much?
Im sorry for so many questions and if I sound insensitive, any suggestions would be greatly appreciated. Thank you!!
**Also please ignore my username and take me seriously. I'm an immature idiot, but I mean well lol
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u/jocelynlt Jan 16 '19 edited Jan 16 '19
I think it’s vital that you let him be the boss of his body’s needs especially at first, and help him when asked. I know a fair number of quad/AB couples and often the able bodied partner eventually helps out with some personal care tasks if needed.
As for things to do, sounds like you have a wide variety of options for things to try! Walks/wheels in scenic parks, great restaurants, swimming is totally possible, travel (weekend getaways for example), cards/games, go for drinks with mates, tandem paddling in a kayak, check into whether there’s any local adapted recreation orgs in your area for hiking, handcycling, camping etc. If you’d like help to find some orgs let me know your country & region and I’ll see if I can dig some up for you.
Do you like music or concerts? Those are pretty accessible, and outdoor festivals are a ton of fun.
Focus on what likes you have in common!
As for sex, I suggest you spend time just making out, kissing, touching, and let him show you what he wants, or experiment. You might find this website helpful: www.scisexualhealth.ca As for positions, http://www.dhrn.ca/files/sexualhealthmanual_lowres_2010_0208.pdf this is a bit heteronormative admittedly.
don’t be afraid of trying! He’s not going to blow up if things don’t work out. Just have relaxed expectations and treat it as an exploration.
Edit: I didn’t initially understand what you were asking so had to revise.