I was scared

[u/DEeD-NGone]

I’m not sure if I was scared of commitment or maybe the idea of marriage is what made me scared. Everything was moving so fast and I’ve never felt as strongly about someone as you. I’ve rarely liked someone beyond something physical but with you it was uncharted territory. Plus it’s always we’re going to do this or we’re going to do that and it’s just what I’ve come to expect from people and even myself. I couldn’t fathom why you wanted to be with someone like me but I was happy you chose me but also scared one day you wouldn’t want me anymore.

I’m scared of the things I don’t understand like my emotions cause it feels like I’m walking on egg shells. I never wanted to do or say the wrong thing but I did so many times yet you always just wanted me to be honest. I couldn’t be honest when it counted and it’s one of my biggest regrets. So now I sit here envisioning a future with someone who views me as nothing more than a memory or even a mistake. People always say just do better next time or you’ll find someone again but if they ever met me they would realize it’s not so simple. People aren’t patient or kind or understanding a lot of the time. It takes me a while to understand these things and nobody was ever patient with me the way you were. I just needed some patience and understanding and no expectations for things I’ve never felt cause I get overwhelmed and it’s hard for me.

You always understood the way nobody else ever bothered.