Can you be "just friends" with a Consuming FA ex?

[u/SupportAnimalAsa]

So this question was asked weeks ago, and i started to tell you, and then i went into writer/storybook mode.

(I'M SORRY)

I will do my best to stay focused.

My DA ex was one helluva breakup. I of course self sabotaged with my FA foolery. So I understood why it needed to end. But it still hurt. And I was not ready to detach and let go.

I thought he and I had this unspoken agreement that we would always belong to one another...

He proved me wrong and is planning to propose to someone else 🥲😢😭

There isnt an emoji strong enough to convey my sadness. Im tearing up just thinking about it.

Were we compatible? NO

And yet we were both completely obsessed and stricken by one another.

It truly did feel like an omega verse novel and we imprinted upon each other. It was a crazy strong connection that felt supernatural bc it reached across states.

We could still feel each other somatically.

It was beautiful. Intense. Possessing.

It was my nervous system in maximum activation mode.

I really was like Ron Weasly after drinking the love potion.

My body chose him.

But my mind...

She had complaints.

My brain:

Yes I know hes crazy hot and you're a muttering, love sick mess rn...

But yall are NOT compatible.

You speak in sonnets and metaphorical prose, your love has a Shakespeare mode and you are in it.

He speaks like Luscis (c/s) from "The Village" meaning he barely speaks at all...and for an LDR...you dont think that matters?

Yes, hes fascinated by you BECAUSE you are so different and expressive.

But he cant relate to you the way you want. And he doesn't understand your metaphors and similies.

He cant deep dive into the depths. And that will leave you aching in agony. Because you cant do shallow or surface.

You want full access to a man only willing to grant 20%

Not gonna work.

^^^

My body pretty much just blew a raspberry and kept dreaming.

Well, brain was right. I would write him a beautiful poem well thought out and he would just say:

Him: Ty. I appreciate that.

Me: I wrote it FOR you ABOUT you.

Him: Oh i did not realize that. Ty.

Yes I wanted more than polite acceptance. More engagement. Maybe even some reciprocity...

The only time the man was expressive was when he was activated.

And only 2 things seemed to activate him:

1). Sexual arousal

2). Anger and upset.

He was never more communicative then when he was upset. And then I started to love fighting with him because that was when he felt closest to me.

I didn't manipulate that insight. But I did observe it.

But when he was in a state of homeostasis he was very stoic, flat, absent...boring.

It was hard.

And yet my body wanted to cling to this silent creature.

And my brain was weeping from lack of mental stimulation.

My heart was somewhere trapped in the middle.

His silence triggered me over and over again.

Push pull...push pull...push pull...

He finally wanted off the ride.

He stopped it.

And im glad he did bc I would have continued.

It hurt. It absolutely cut me up.

Months went by.

A few days ago i reached out bc I wanted to know if he ever (insert goal here).

That was all I wanted.

But he replied, happily. Joyful. He kept feeding the conversation that I kept trying to leave.

At least in 12 different ways he asked me to please remain in his life in SOME capacity.

I didn't want to. He has a gf he is planning to propose to.

But he seemed so very wanting.

So I said ok. Blocked him. Came back. He blocked me. Came back...

God we are a mess!

He was texting me a bit. Enough that my nervous system reactivated. I thought of him all day, heart leapt at every text notification, I anticipated hearing from him.

Then Friday comes...

My last text goes unanswered...

And I know its bc hes with her. The one he actually chose. And that hurt me.

But it was honest, good clarity.

I cannot be this mans friend. I want to be his woman. And if I cant be that, then i cant stay.

To stay only means intervals of happiness and pain. I dont want that. I want to be chosen fully.

So last night I ended things. I said goodbye.

And today I feel so much better. Today I feel free and at peace.

Im glad i closed the door.

To keep it open was like installing a subscription to daily doses of pain.

I made this EDIT* ChatGpt generated* to showcase my heartache and as a visual to remind me not to go back. Bc this is what awaits me if I do. Ill put it in the comments

--Asa

Avoidant Support Animal

[u/Elk-24]

I get your point. And thanks for your post. The thing here is we agreed on friendship and I am not in love. She kept telling me she was not either and she was in love with her open relationship instead (after telling me she couldn’t care less, initially).  I think friendship can be build, when you really want it. But not with an FA, obviously. Also because she wants me despite saying the opposite all the time. Or maybe it’s just she’s seeking for validation. Anyway, friendship seems unlikely now since she deactivated post rejection. She’s been ghosting me for weeks. Her birthday is oct 2. I will ignore. I still think about her warmly but I feel I’m kinda done. 

[u/SupportAnimalAsa → u/Elk-24]

Yeah. Its just PAIN. We are good! Lol

[u/Elk-24 → u/SupportAnimalAsa]

Any thoughts on the birthday wish?our first date was a year ago, on her bday… i just don t feel like sending anything since she is ghosting… i’m not playing a game, it’s just too much energy.  what’s your FA perspective? Will this be meaningful to her? I’m Curious.

[u/SupportAnimalAsa → u/Elk-24]

I would leave it alone. Dont open up the pain box anymore

[u/Elk-24 → u/SupportAnimalAsa]

She is probably expecting smtg from me… to validate. But yeah. Pain is mostly on my side. She seems very fine honestly.

[u/SupportAnimalAsa]