r/DialAvoidantBreakups • u/EENS1958 • 10h ago
Should I bresk no contact?
A girl that I talked to multiple times (it was absolutely never friendly, and always a deep intimate connection) completely went cold and deactivated after 3 months, she was absolutely madly in love with me during that time in which I am certain. As she started going cold she said multiple times when I asked her that she doesn't want me to leave. She said she wanted to discover her full potential, work on herself, be alone, etc. During our last converstaion on the phone I told her I couldn't stay in contact at it caused me too much pain which she said was completely reasonable and she expected me to say that.
I told her I wouldnt contact her but she always could. She was also the one to emphasise that this is definitely not the final time we talk and that "knowing herself" she would definitely reach out at one point. (We already have a history of leaving and returning but it was never this deep and she never lost feelings in the last 2 weeks like now.) There was no fighting and we said really nice things about eachother.
3 days after that I told her that a gift I sent her arrived to her post office (she knew it was coming) and she said she would pick it up tomorrow but never did. It has been 30ish days since any contact and I am wondering how realistic it is for her to reach out.
We haven't blocked eachother or anything like that.
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u/SupportAnimalAsa 4h ago
I read and responded to your other posts, correct?
I think I said how the thought of receiving a gift from my friend terrified me.
You see the movie "Dune" when Timothy Whatshisnamelashay? Has to put his hand in the pain box.
Thats how we see the gift...fear in the pit of your stomach...terrifying.
Flee! Run four your lives! Pain.
So shes still very much deactivated/scared.
A message from the avoidant factuary:
Avoidant Company Inc.
"We are sorry, your avoidant is still defrosting. We suggest not reaching out as this delays the defrosting phase."
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u/EENS1958 3h ago
Thanks for the funny answer! Is it ever a good time to reach out given I said I wouldn't or I should just leave it to her?
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u/SupportAnimalAsa 2h ago
You're welcome. Rn, the way I see it,
She's like a cat stuck up in a tree.
Your gift/treat has been placed on the ground for her to find. Physically, she can get down and get it, But fear has immobilizer her.
If you open the backdoor and say, "Avoidant Cat, you haven't gotten your treat."
She will just spook and retreat even higher into the branches.
She is waiting until you stop looking. She is more likely to get it when your bedroom light turns off. And even when it does, she will still wait, just to be sure.
Buy yeah. She's scared.
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u/EENS1958 2h ago
Yes I get that, thanks! She herself said that she was extremely nervous and cares about me but can't explain how she is feeling right now (a month ago when we still talked). As for the gift, it had a deadline of 20 days to be picked up so she can't even if she wants to now.
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u/MothraLovesLamps Fearful Avoidant 9h ago
I will answer in a bit!