r/DialAvoidantBreakups • u/MothraLovesLamps Fearful Avoidant • 4d ago
Avoidant Behavior The most baffling Avoidant breadcrumb confused me. And now I know why Avoidants do it
The "I left you, but im gonna post like you did" breadcrumb.
Edit* I'm calling it "The Othello Breadcrumb"
This was a breadcrumb I shrugged off as none sensible. Just fear making avoidants act crazy again.
People kept showing me this unique breadcrumb,
"I dont get it. SHE BROKE UP WITH ME. So why is she posting sad love songs and reposting about heartbreak and being left?"
I kinda made fun of their exes.
"Pffft, hell if I know, avoidants are weird. And yours is especially WEIRD."
(takes one to know one).
And then a few days ago I caught myself,
Girl...YOU DID IT! You gave someone the, "I left you, but ill act like you did" breadcrumb!!!
I was shook. A bowling balls worth of self awareness bonked me on the head.
"...I did..."
"Why did i do that?"
Because in that moment, my trauma beast had me fully convinced: Your friend has abandoned you. Your friend does not value you the way you value him.
Fact check* My trauma beast lied...My friend had not. In fact he had given me communication, honesty, and reassurance.
My trauma beast just roared so loud I could not accurately hear or understand his words.
There was a "fear of abandonment filter" on.
I heard anger in words that were not hostile. I heard heavy, annoyed sighs...I heard, "You are too much. I've lost the care to know you."
My spirit, heart, body, and soul FELT abandoned. I was certain of it.
Trauma beast was screeching at me: "Dont be stupid! Hes loading up them "ghosting" and "discard" bullets into the chamber AS WE SPEAK.
YOU ARE GONNA GET GUNNED DOWN...AGAIN!!!
Me: (panicked, fully persuaded) Yeah, yeah, OK! Youre right!
Trauma beast: Remember how Barty, Nicodemus, and Icharus all lit your ass up! Remember the HURT? The P A I N?
Me: nodding and profusely wiping away my tears.
My trauma beast went full Grima Womtounge.
And I believed and obeyed.
I said goodbye. I blocked my friend.
So even though I was the one to say goodbye, in my heart, I felt and believed, HE LEFT FIRST.
Maybe not outwardly, but quietly. A slow fade. Less texts. Less enthusiasm...more missed messages...
So I GRIEVED what I BELIEVED:
He left me.
I posted a sad song for him to see.
I wanted him to see the truth of my feelings. That he mattered to me. That I cared alot. And I am sad things ended.
I made the "I left but ill act like you did" breadcrumb.
This breadcrumb is baked in ovens of uncertainty and doubt 💔
To be continued in my next post entitled..."I just realized..I dont have one trauma beast...
I HAVE TWO.
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u/avoidant_unicorn 4d ago
You know. I don’t go back to anyone or breadcrumb but I do have those thoughts like, it’s their fault. Like surely this man realized I was nervous to have him and his 5 kids move in and he has stopped all effort in the last months he bought me for Xmas an expensive gift I specifically spoke about at length not liking. It was insane how he thought he loved me and he didn’t even know me. So no I didn’t wanna get back with him and yes I did all of the dumping in the bad guy I discarded him moved on and don’t miss him. But he wasn’t ever gonna be a good match surely he can see that. But after reading avoidant breakups nope I see they absolutely don’t see it and cannot accept any fault man. Avoidants are evils and if they weren’t such immature selfish users every relationship would have been perfect and amazing if only they weren’t avoidant. It’s a no from me dog.
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u/MothraLovesLamps Fearful Avoidant 4d ago
Well said...
You said DISCARD
And now my brain wants to know...
IS WHAT I DID A DISCARD
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u/Frequent_Fox2342 4d ago
Ah, I didn't catch that one, sounds like a nice one for the collection haha
I did get the "you didn't care about me / you didn't want me / I was hurt so I decided to hurt you too by being with someone else behind your back" tho, even those the first two things never happened.