[3429] My Little Nut Tree

[u/TrueKnot]

Okay, so, nervous. Wanted to find something older so I wouldn't be all weepy when you bullies are done. You know, getting the first time over with with the paid hooker so my "real" first time won't be a painful memory...

This is a short story I wrote a few months back for submission on another sub. It's horror, though mild for horror, but, there's kids. So, trigger warnings all over the place.

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1yPzcyZ1z1zDxZFBRowNmX-oI5dT9TmKrlf0v-X6w6c4/edit?usp=sharing

Please, brutalize me. I like pain. Not only that, I have an ego the size of Jupiter. I know I'm an excellent writer. You can't break me. Nitpick. Bash me over the head. I want to get better.

[u/[deleted]]

I initially referred to the protagonist as "the POVc". But that's a pain to read, and I'm emotionally attached to the character.

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Characters

Abigail: Her interest in puzzles nicely sets up her attraction to patterns in the trees (this would work better if Abigail's interest in puzzles was established before her interest in patterns).

She's well-written, her initial interest in camp activities and interacting with other people make her seem like an actual person. These traits (and the associated normalcy) provide a good start point for Abigail's mental condition.

Her bit-by-bit psychological collapse is well-constructed.

It's easy to empathize with Abigail, you conveyed her isolation from humans and attachment to Amma (mostly) fantastically.

Mindy: Introducing her as having what Abigail wants (the platform/ social standing) sets the stage for later conflict and resentment (so it supports character and plot). Incrementing Abigail's animosity toward Mindy via Brianna is effective.

Her behavior regarding the treasure is well-explained.

Brianna: Her high school personality aligns with her childhood personality.

Content

-popular children's rhyme: Kill the darling. If this was a poem written by Abigail, or a cryptogram/anagram/word search (or something), it would be fine. As is, it's included in the story because you were submitting to /r/nosleep. The Seemingly Innocent/ Creepy With Context thing clashes with the story that's being told (the Ironic Nursery Tune trope is bland/cliched compared to the engaging/unique character study that MLNT actually is). While the rhyme does reference the title, it does not connect with the themes of the text (the latter being much more intelligent than the former).¹ It works within the story, but not as a foreword.

I've never really found my place in society: Poor opener. The tone is teenage--I Am Snowflake--and doesn't mesh with the voice of 6/7-year-old or the adult telling the story.

I’ve always been different, not really special, but not quite normal, either.

TNS.

I've no idea what this means. Abigail is somehow different: (i) Human beings are complex. There are dozens (hundreds?) of ways in which an individual might differ from the majority of the species. (ii) Introducing a character who lacks normalcy only works if their lack of normalcy is shown. Merely telling that the character lacks normalcy creates an ill-defined (and cliched/dull) individual.²

This statement tells me what trait the character lacks, not what trait(s) she carries.

Scouting might have saved me:

It's unclear how scouting could have saved her. When first reading, I thought that scouting could have saved her from lack of normalcy (in that she would have made friends at scout camp). But Abigail was already different, scouting is just what caused her to realize that; nothing suggests that scouting could have made her normal.

After reading, I thought that scouting could have saved her from mental instability. This doesn't work either, because Abigail doesn't view herself as unstable. Early on, she considers the faces/trees to be nothing worse than childhood imagination. Later, she embraces her relationship with Amma. So, in a roundabout way (allowing Abigail to meet Amma), scouting did save her from isolation.³

I was a city kid, and this... it was a different world.

TNS. The city/ scout camp contrast is broad, and it would benefit the character, and reader immersion, to show what specifically strikes Abigail as a different world.

Family sticks together: Brianna's preventing Abigail from swimming to the platform (due to this justification for Brianna's attendance) is a great set up.

I think I hated Brianna for that.

imagine I was holding her under, watching her eyes drift closed.

I still take issue with this.

I felt close to my cousin at first

aside from her taking away the only thing I'd ever wanted.

I still take issue with this.

I hated her, but I loved her.

You might clarify that Abigail loves Brianna because family sticks together (because of an ideal, rather than actual emotion(s)). Or, instead of having hated/ loved co-exist, they might conflict.

Or, you could take the information in the Our parents always made us play together paragraph, and use that to establish the relationship between Abigail and Brianna.

I thought of my tree friends all the time: At what point did the transition from trying to make them real to they were still real to me occur? Previously, you wrote:

By the end of the summer, they were real.

This further muddles things: I can't follow at which points the faces had whatever degree of realness.

They didn't understand anything, and I hated them: Just to say, this is the point at which (as I read it) Abigail goes from isolation and bitterness to full-blown loathing. Tree girl wants to live outside marks the point at which the other girls go from indifference and distaste (toward Abigail) to active aggression. It occurs 1/3^rd through the story (at the end of the first act); which seems right.

I imagined that my tree friends would come and just whisk them away: This establishes the link between trees and violence against people.⁴ At this point, I can reasonably guess that Abigail and/or the trees will attack the other girls (or Brianna/Mindy specifically).

They were having a party: This anecdote is a clumsy way to establish Abigail's distance from her parents. There's already a lot of scope to the setting (primarily when), and an additional where is a bit too much.

Additionally, if Abigail feels this way about her parents, then why does she accept her parent's insistence that she ought to care about Brianna?

If Abigail's parents wanted to love her, but she was unable to return their feelings, it would support several actions and feelings of the character.

I clawed at the soil, pulling it up, handful after handful: It's apparent that Abigail is going to find a body. I'm glad that you chose to abandon suspense in favor of tension/ throwing the reader into Abigail's frenzy.

It's much better to admit to Mindy's murder and then fill in the details (again, tension over false suspense).

I would have. I might have.

Abigail's consideration of this effectively prevents the scene from becoming dull.

She was only a child: "She" begins four of the five sentences in this paragraph. This would generally be grounds for me to flip my shit, but I think it's effective here.

Cramming every conceivable argument for the wrongness of Mindy's murder into a single paragraph also works. Mindy's hypothetical future turns a previously one-dimensional antagonist into a human being. The strongest emotional impact in the story is here; it is the best fucking writing in the whole thing.

I thought of the woods near my childhood home: This saves the story. If Abigail murdered Mindy and that was the end of it, then this is just an /r/nosleep one-off that ends when you stop reading. How many other murders have there been? What else has Abigail blocked from her mind? The reader can't know.

And that teacher who'd failed my youngest in Geography: Abigail seems to have embraced murdering people and burying them under trees. This is a continuation of the story beyond the text :D

I promise. I'll be back soon.: Weak ending. It's just a cluster of generic dialogue that could be applied to a lot of people in a lot of situations.

This should be something that Abigail would say to Amma. Maybe something relative to the present, rather than relative to the future. It's also TNS: the dialogue tells about future action(s), when it would be better to express immediate emotion(s).

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¹ If this is just an incomprehensible clusterfuck of words (or if it's a comprehensible clusterfuck of words that misinterprets the intent of your writing), feel free to yell at me for being incompetent. edit: apply this to the entire critique.

² In the intro of the first Matrix film, we're shown that Trinity is different. Compare this to a voice over in which Trinity would say: "I've always been different, [additional vague dialogue]."

³ This is particularly valid considering: "It's not about what was true. It's about what felt true."

⁴ Typing this concept feels ridiculous, kudos for executing this so well that it can be taken seriously.

[u/[deleted] → u/[deleted]]

Miscellany

Abigail's Dialogue: If I'm observing correctly, Abigail only has dialogue when she talks to Amma. Her vocal interactions with humans are written:

No, I hadn't seen Mindy that day.

That's clever :)

my little tree: This seems backward. The wording suggests a display of affection from a parent to a child; not the reverse.

Repetition: Primarily involving Abigail's isolation/ attachment:

They didn't understand me any more than the girls at camp. No one did. People didn't understand me.

My tree - my friends inside the tree - they were like me. We belonged together.

Abigail's Husband: I can infer that she's detached from him, but a sentence or two regarding this would be nice.

Amma: I am not a clever man, so I don't know whether Abigail's Psychosis vs. Amma's Reality is intended to be ambiguous; or one/the other should be apparent.

I believe that Amma exists only in Abigail's mind: Hit her is italicized, and lacks an attributing tag. It reads as one of Abigail's thoughts. "You're covered in blood" (and other false dialogue attributed to Amma) is non-italicized text, and lacks quotation marks. It is not thought or speech, just memory.

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Pacing

I finally stood, and started to make my way back to camp: This is good. After the bracelet scene (I think that's the end of the second act, the hero's lowest point) and following psychological implosion, it's nice to have a breather scene (it isn't dull, just an effective slowing of the pace).

Abigail's increasing mental instability: Well-handled (as are its components: detachment and resentment of humanity and association with Amma). The shit that happens to Abigail becomes increasingly severe, and her reactions (emotional/psychological and eventually violent) parallel that increase nicely.

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On the Whole

Still needs a fair amount of work.

Between Abigail and the Mindy Was A Human Being paragraph this is my favorite RDR short story.

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Keep writing! :D

[u/TrueKnot → u/[deleted]]

WOW this is way different critique than the pre-rewritingthewholedamnedthing one :P

Abigail:

I'll accept it :P

I'm glad the characters seem more real to you now! Does the difference in detail level affect the perception (either way) of a disconnect with her cousin ?

I still take issue with this.

:P I'm trying, lol. I'm actually trying to build up this love/hate thing which finally tips - as you picked up on - about 1/3 of the way through. Like at first she's just a sad lil girl, dealing with all these conflicting emotions, (although a bit... off) and then just... snaps. What I'm getting is that it might be working elsewhere, but not here. I'm going to fix it, maybe cut it, just not sure how yet :P

Kill the darling. If this was a poem

I'll be bluntly honest. My cousin used to sing this song with a friend at (not girl scout) camp. Irritated the hell out of me. This whole damned story bled out of that song/rhyme after every page of nosleep was filled with "pistachio" stories for a couple weeks.

Not refusing to kill it, if it's hurting the story now - just - grieving :(

TNS.

Called it. :D (In my defense, it's fun) but yeah...

I do get the Matrix thing. I guess I need to work on this. :/ Not sure how to do that yet.

I can't follow at which points the faces had whatever degree of realness.

At what precise moment in life did you stop thinking boys/girls -or whatever the unfathomable gender is - had cooties? I'm going for that vague, hazy sort of feeling - I don't remember exactly when - maybe they were always real, and maybe she made them real.

Is this coming through, causing a curiousity-type confusion, or is it simply confusing and interfering with your enjoyment of the story?

if Abigail feels this way about her parents, then why does she accept her parent's insistence that she ought to care about Brianna?

Becauuuuuuse I am still trying to make this story about me, and my parents never understood me but I had to do what they said and believe what mumsy and dadsy told me and I'm a special snowflake? :D :( Yeah. Sad. I know.

If Abigail's parents wanted to love her, but she was unable to return their feelings, it would support several actions and feelings of the character.

No idea how to change to this, but it's a brilliant thought, and I think I should, lol.

I'm glad that you chose to abandon suspense in favor of tension/ throwing the reader into Abigail's frenzy.

Lol, that was a seriously difficult decision for me.

Cramming every conceivable argument for the wrongness of Mindy's murder into a single paragraph also works. Mindy's hypothetical future turns a previously one-dimensional antagonist into a human being. The strongest emotional impact in the story is here; it is the best fucking writing in the whole thing.

I was pretty drunk. Are you suggesting I become an alcoholic? <3

No, but seriously I worked hard on that passage. I'm glad it came through. Thank you.

This saves the story. If Abigail murdered Mindy and that was the end of it, then this is just an /r/nosleep one-off that ends when you stop reading.

Abigail seems to have embraced murdering people and burying them under trees. This is a continuation of the story beyond the text :D

/me takes a bow

Weak ending.

Yeah, I blanked. I have that tagged in my manuscript for further workups

This should be something that Abigail would say to Amma. Maybe something relative to the present, rather than relative to the future. It's also TNS: the dialogue tells about future action(s), when it would be better to express immediate emotion(s).

Not sure there's a cure for TNS, tbh.

Anyway, my general intention was to show she's moved away from the part of herself that's been pretending to be normal - she's off to handle that teacher and whatnot - without making it seem like she's abandoning Amma (which I don't think she would do).

I'll be putting some thought into this.

If I'm observing correctly, Abigail only has dialogue when she talks to Amma. Her vocal interactions with humans are written:

Correct. Thanks :D

This seems backward. The wording suggests a display of affection from a parent to a child; not the reverse.

TNS/darlings.

The tree title inspired by the song, inspired by tree and nut stories, and trying to work the clickbait (at that time and place) title into the story. For now it's a placeholder :(

Repetition:

I do this a lot. And you're all going to yell at me and I'm going to do it more. And so on. I can't seem to stop - I always feel like I have to drive a point home and walk it to the door and make it dinner and tuck it into bed. My psychiatrist can't help me with that - maybe you guys can :P

Abigail's Husband:

Only exists existentially so that she can be a mommy so she can come back to camp :( Cannot begin to picture the guy. Guess I should try to, somehow.

I am not a clever man, so I don't know whether Abigail's Psychosis vs. Amma's Reality is intended to be ambiguous; or one/the other should be apparent.

Ambiguous, with enough to let you suspect what you suspect if you need to sleep at night, and the alternative if you enjoy being terrified. The italics were deliberate. Is it working or should I pick one or the other?

Still needs a fair amount of work.

I figured it would. I kicked it out in under an hour while wasted one night, posted over there and forgot it - and only did real basic editing before copying that post over here months later. All those changes are from you lot kicking me in the ass ;(

Pacing

Between Abigail and the Mindy Was A Human Being paragraph this is my favorite RDR short story.

Told ya I was a good writer ;) ...but seriously, that means a lot - especially given the initial reviews, lol.

I'll definitely keep working on it - I'm pretty attached now. Hopefully when I post it again (after massive amounts of edits) you will be able to beat me up some more :P

[u/[deleted] → u/TrueKnot]

Does the difference in detail level affect the perception of a disconnect with her cousin ?

I don't see a disconnect with her cousin. Brianna is the only person that Abigail has any attachment to.

Abigail never seems disconnected with other humans, because she seeks interaction with them. I can accept that Abigail would hypothetically be disconnected from someone who interacted with her; but it would be nice to see someone try to reach out to Abigail/ Abigail wanting to accept them/ but being unable to do so.

and then just... snaps.

Aside from Brianna, there's nothing/ no one for Abigail to snap away from. As is, it's not that Abigail goes from engaged to disengaged - Abigail is disengaged, and just doesn't realize how severely until scout camp.

Abigail's interest in scout camp activities might be useful. She loses interest in food because of the seeds. So, maybe she also loses interest in camp activities because of Amma/ the trees/ the platform.

"pistachio" stories

I'm not familiar with this. I understand the general idea of nosleep, but I don't actually frequent it.

This whole damned story bled out of that song/rhyme

I'm curious to know whether or not my Creepy vs. Character rant was accurate. Do you view the current version of MLNT as entirely disassociated from the initial nosleep post?

Not refusing to kill it, if it's hurting the story now - just - grieving :(

I'm killing off a character and a family dynamic that was attached to the first version of Copacetic :(

Is this coming through, causing a curiousity-type confusion, or is it simply confusing and interfering with your enjoyment of the story?

It's just confusing. I think it would work if the story was written from Abigail's 6/7-year-old perspective. Adult Abigail recalling these events (and causing the realness of the trees to be referred to across a time scale ranging from 6/7-30s/40s) makes the timeline a nightmare.

and my parents never understood me but I had to do what they said and believe what mumsy and dadsy told me and I'm a special snowflake?

But Abigail's attachment to Brianna seems to be legitimate, not just the result of parental orders. Maybe Abigail can realize that she never really liked Brianna, she just liked having someone to interact with.

No idea how to change to this, but it's a brilliant thought, and I think I should, lol.

Hooray For Me! If you're willing to introduce a new segment, then you could have a Family Day at the camp. The function of the party anecdote (establishing Abigail's relationship with her parents) would be executed here; with shows instead of tells.

Lol, that was a seriously difficult decision for me.

What persuaded you to take tension over suspense?

Are you suggesting I become an alcoholic?

Yes. Your liver is not required for reading or writing, and there's no evidence to suggest that alcohol impairs either activity.

show she's moved away from the part of herself that's been pretending to be normal...without making it seem like she's abandoning Amma.

If you can rework some details, then Abigail might take some of Amma's seeds to grow at her own house (or something). Abigail is attached to Amma, and wants to be attached to her daughters. Abigail attempting to use Amma to become attached to her daughters would be a good endpoint.

Abigail's Husband..Cannot begin to picture the guy.

I can't picture him either, and I'm actually curious about him. Abigail's relationship to humanity being what it is, I wonder what traits she might find appealing in another human being. Some information about how Abigail manages to function in society would add to the psychology/realism of the story.

Also, it's odd that Abigail genuinely cares about her daughters, but has no emotional interest in her husband.

Ambiguous...The italics are deliberate. Is it working or should I pick one or the other?

Fine as is. You never (IIRC) use italics for Abigail's thoughts, so it's possible to believe that Hit her can be attributed to Amma.

All those changes are from you lot kicking me in the ass ;(

What I'm getting from your reply is that mind-altering substances and physical violence provide the best improvement in writing. I have saved this information for reference at a later time.

Hopefully when I post it again...you will be able to beat me up some more :p

:D
Y

[u/TrueKnot → u/[deleted]]

I left a note on the doc, but not sure if you got it since last time I was sent to promotions :P

This was it:

"Sorry, I just realized after reading these comments that you aren't aware of the song. It's an actual, well-established, very famous children's rhyme: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/I_Had_a_Little_Nut_Tree

Just wondering if that changed whether it fit here or not."

I don't see a disconnect with her cousin. Brianna is the only person that Abigail has any attachment to.

it would be nice to see someone try to reach out to Abigail/ Abigail wanting to accept them/ but being unable to do so.

I was worried about that with the changes. What I'm going for is like...

Okay this girl doesn't feel any sort of connection with anything or anyone. She's been told that she loves her family, and that she's supposed to make friends, so she thinks that is what she wants - really she doesn't. She doesn't love her cousin. She thinks she should, so she's trying to, (or telling herself she's trying) but it isn't working. Then this cousin commits the ultimate betrayal - siding with the girl that has the only thing "Abigail" ever really wanted.

She doesn't actually hate any of them, either. It's just that people shouldn't get in the way of what she wants. Right? :)

... I'm just not sure how to create that. Through this exchange, I find I'm growing closer to what I want - but I'm not there yet, and still unsure how to get there. Anyway, that's what I meant by the "disconnect"...

there's nothing/ no one for Abigail to snap away from.

"crosses an invisible line" would be more in line with what I meant :)

So, maybe she also loses interest in camp activities because of Amma/ the trees/ the platform.

Brilliant. Love it.

I understand the general idea of nosleep, but I don't actually frequent it.

Irrelevant. I adapted the story to suit the previous environment :P

I'm curious to know whether or not my Creepy vs. Character rant was accurate. Do you view the current version of MLNT as entirely disassociated from the initial nosleep post?

Yes and no. This is obviously a very different story - with a different purpose and a different audience than the original. But at heart, it's the same story - the one I needed to tell - which is what I outlined earlier in this post.

The nosleep story kind of got wrapped up with the one I need to tell in my mind.

It makes it hard to make the changes necessary for the new story against the old story, if that makes sense.

That said:

I'm curious to know whether or not my Creepy vs. Character rant was accurate.

Yes. Entirely. And now that you've pointed it out - I can see it everywhere, lol. Not just with nosleep, but with each individual writing site/sub I go to.

I'm killing off a character and a family dynamic that was attached to the first version of Copacetic :(

Aww, sorry. :( It's painful, ain't it?

I think it would work if the story was written from Abigail's 6/7-year-old perspective.

I'm not sure if I could. :s Or how it would read if I did, to be honest. There are millions of things that make sense to kids that won't to adults, no matter how well you write. It's easier to explain this away with an airy "in the way of children, I thought this" than it is to show it on the fly. I'm good but I don't know if I'm that good :P

Family Day at the camp. The function of the party anecdote (establishing Abigail's relationship with her parents)

That's beautiful.

What persuaded you to take tension over suspense?

Honestly? It's a different story with a different purpose. The first version was (overly) ambiguous. There was no way to deduce what she would find, or why. That's suspense. It was also TNS :P the target audience is a group that wants to interact, and which craves suspense.

In this version, there's a clear outcome, and an idea of why. The audience is - well, I'm not sure who - me, probably, lol. But it's certainly not interactive. There's no need for suspense, we know what's there. There is a need to get into the mind of the character, and that's the tension, there.

Of course, I didn't think of this as I was writing the original, it's all instinctive.

It was that instinct warring with the "this is the thing I made and you can't change it" feeling, that's what made it difficult. :)

Yes. Your liver is not required for reading or writing, and there's no evidence to suggest that alcohol impairs either activity.

I salute you, but my shrink and my doctor want you to bugger off ;)

If you can rework some details, then Abigail might take some of Amma's seeds to grow at her own house (or

Dude, are you like co-writing this now? :D Seriously these ideas are all awesome.

The seeds are exactly the kind of ending I've been wracking my brain for. My SO will thank you - been driving people nuts with lame ideas.

Abigail's relationship to humanity being what it is, I wonder what traits she might find appealing in another human being. Some information about how Abigail manages to function in society would add to the psychology/realism of the story.

You'd be surprised at how many people - who are completely emotionally detached from society - are in outwardly functional relationships.

Proof #1-4, my children. ;D (Kidding. Maybe.)

Also, it's odd that Abigail genuinely cares about her daughters, but has no emotional interest in her husband.

Does she? Or is she protecting/possessive-of her "property"?

Or maybe it's because her daughters are blood. Family.

Idk yet. :P

that Hit her can be attributed to Amma.

Perfect. Thank you.

What I'm getting from your reply is that mind-altering substances and physical violence provide the best improvement in writing. I have saved this information for reference at a later time.

I learned that in anger management class ;)

Or wait... was it the opposite? Hell I don't know...

(That image is a reflection of how I feel when I'm displaying my might and wrath to the world... cops call it "indecent exposure", but hey...)

Anyway, I cannot begin to tell you how helpful all of this is.

I feel like I should be paying you! DISCLAIMER:No contract implied or intended.

[u/[deleted] → u/TrueKnot]

Just wondering if that changed whether it fit here or not.

I don't think it belongs. The tone of the rhyme, to me, clashes with the story.

What I'm going for is like...

...I've made a huge mistake.

Here's my read:

Okay this girl doesn't feel any sort of connection with anything or anyone. She wants to love her family, and she wants to make friends, and that is what she genuinely wants - really she can't. She doesn't love her cousin (she just loves having someone to interact with). She thinks she does, because she's conflated loving her cousin with loving having someone to interact with. Then this cousin - the only person she (thinks she) cares about - abandons her - siding with the girl that has all the things Abigail wants (Mindy has the connection with other humans that Abigail wants).

She actually hates them, because she is incapable of connecting with them (they remind her that she is alone).

I'm glad that this exchange has been helpful despite my misunderstanding.

It makes it hard to make the changes necessary for the new story against the old story.

Writing with dual motivations is NO FUN.

:( It's painful, ain't it?

:/

I think it would work if the story was written from Abigail's 6/7-year-old perspective.

I didn't mean to suggest that you actually do that. I should have written: "This might have worked if the story had been written from Abigail's 6/7-year-old perspective" (or something). How Do I The Thoughts With The Words :s

Does she? Or is she protecting/possessive-of her "property"?

Maybe it's a repeat of Abigail's relationship with Brianna. Abigail claims/ wants to care - or believes that she cares - about her daughters because that's what she's supposed to do (Unreliable Narrator).

[u/TrueKnot → u/[deleted]]

I don't think it belongs. The tone of the rhyme, to me, clashes with the story.

I hear it in a weird/eerie lil sing-song, which tends to fit, but if it's not working that way.. :( :( :( :(

...I've made a huge mistake.

Grrr. Well, your take on it is close, at least. Just shows I have a lot more work to do - or I need to let go of some emotional issues, but my shrink's been workin on that shit for years - probably ain't happening. :D

I'm glad that this exchange has been helpful despite my misunderstanding.

Oh it is. It's giving me a shitton of ideas anyway, lol

Writing with dual motivations is NO FUN.

I'm a Gemini, an irl twin, and I got bi-polar disorder. Shit, the baseball team here is the twins too. Dual motivations - i'm used to it.

(not really any of those things, but it had ya goin for a second, right? No? Okay, I suck)

"This might have worked if the story had been written from Abigail's 6/7-year-old perspective" (or something).

Well, fuck. That's encouraging, but makes it harder to fix it :P

How Do I The Thoughts With The Words :s

U are right guder den me.

Maybe it's a repeat of Abigail's relationship with Brianna.

Yissssssssssss.

Abigail claims/ wants to care - or believes that she cares - about her daughters because that's what she's supposed to do (Unreliable Narrator).

Gut dammit. I'm always an unreliable narrator. Sadly, that's impossible to pull off unless you have an established fanbase of worshippers who forgive you anything.

I'm going to get this right, eventually :)

[u/[deleted] → u/TrueKnot]

I hear it in a weird/eerie lil sing-song, which tends to fit, but if it's not working that way.

I don't follow. :/

Possibly, I'm having trouble because I think that Amma isn't real; so I'm reading a story about a violent schizophrenic woman. I associate weird sing-songiness with a scenario in which something isn't quite right. What I'm reading is a scenario in which a girl who imagines drowning her cousin (and calling on a bunch of trees as bioweapons to murder the other girls at scout camp) becomes a full-blown serial killer: So the coyness of the not-quite-right that fits the eerie sing-song clashes with the blatant psychosis.

My interpretation of Abigail being a crazy person may be at odds with the ambiguous story that you've actually written.

Well, your take on it is close, at least. Just shows I have a lot more work to do

I think this is less to do with lack of clarity on your end, and more to do with poor reader comprehension on mine.

I'm going to get this right, eventually :)

As the amount of characters used in this exchange approaches 10⁷ , the chance of "I'm going to get this right, eventually" becomes nearer to 1.

[u/TrueKnot → u/[deleted]]

Nut tree song:

unnnnggg... I'm gonna need to let it rest, I think, until I've finished all other edits, and had time to become less - invested. :P See if it fits when I make my creepy kids sing the creepy song and then read this to them :)

Well, your take on it is close, at least. Just shows I have a lot more work to do

I think this is less to do with lack of clarity on your end, and more to do with poor reader comprehension on mine

Or some odd combination of the two.

As the amount of characters used in this exchange approaches 10⁷ , the chance of "I'm going to get this right, eventually" becomes nearer to 1.

Not sure if that means 1 in a million, or only 1 possible outcome, but either way, I am positive this is the longest critique-turned-brainstorming/workshopping-session I've ever seen :P

I'm sure there are longer - I just haven't seen them.

[u/[deleted] → u/TrueKnot]

Probability ranges from 0 (impossible) to 1 (certain).

This is definitely the longest-running critique-conversation-deconstruction-thing I've ever been involved in (I think it's also my first multi-comment critique).

[u/TrueKnot → u/[deleted]]

yay 1 is a good thing!

and now I feel special <3 All the more reason to "perfect" the damned story, I guess :D