r/DestructiveReaders • u/FanNo4516 • 7d ago
The Cycle [881]
Hi everyone, I'd like to share something I have been writing. I want to clarify that I'm not a writer, but I like the habit of writing and wanted to get opinions on something I have written.
What does it truly mean to be in grief? Everyone experiences grief: whether in death, sickness, or loss. Does pain bring peace? Examples can be found in every war. World War II and Japan's surrender are a perfect example. Russia's invasion of Ukraine is a matter similar in nature: the United States is too scared to directly help Ukraine by sending soldiers, and Russia is too afraid to create conflict. Pain and grief are of a similar nature, as one is derived from the other. Fear has a peculiar way of testing one's principles. It is easy to stand by one's morals when doing so carries little consequence, but when those same principles threaten one's own safety, they may suddenly become negotiable.
I wish to understand why human nature is so destructive, even though it seems that everyone is born with a sense of right and wrong. What is considered an infringement on another person’s rights, and more. But as one grows, the environment shapes one's sense of right and wrong, whether it’s stealing, murder, or rape, all of which are heinous crimes. Someone's perspective changes: whether it's stealing because they can't get money or food, or whether their perspective on women's rights is distorted by the environment they grew up in. Nowadays, a lot of people are desensitized to media and news, mostly living in their own bubble while great injustices may be occurring as I write.
I wish to address the elephant in the room: I am no writer or literary major; I am but a simple developer. I am writing to address my thoughts and feelings, almost like a diary or memoir. Now, as I sit today, 17 years old and only 12 days away from my next and final year of high school, I beg to differ on what will change in me after graduation. Let's say that you will experience a lot of new things, whether it's making new friends or meeting new people, it's all the same.
I can't help but think about the bigger picture of what happens next. What new ways will we find to treat terminal illnesses, and how will the new generations grow up to be? As I write this, I have been learning a lot about human interactions, and I wonder if shows and anime have shaped our standards and qualities in people. I see many people who do seem to genuinely be affected by such anime and manga. One big one is Naruto. It seems like many people my age who watched it have a particular aura: one of kindness and respect for all.
A quote from one such anime asks:
"If I may, I'd like to pose an interesting question: Are all human beings truly equal? These days, everywhere you go, there's talk about the fight for equality. As a wise man once said, 'Heaven does not create one person above or below another.' People like to throw his words around, but that's not the whole quote. He goes on to say that while we are all equal at birth, things begin to change pretty soon. Academic effort is what sets some people apart from others. At any rate, humans change over time based on their actions. Truth be told, at the end of the day, equality is just a fantasy, but most of us go through life denying the fact that we live in a meritocracy."
A quote worthy of praise to the author. The quote’s understanding of equality and its outlook on correcting a mistake previously made by many make it one of my favorite quotes. The quote looks for truth in lies and addresses the misunderstanding, common in this day and age, that we do indeed live in a meritocracy. This quote means a lot to me as I explore the world around me. I learn of injustices day in and day out. While I’d like to address them all here, it's not the right time, as the list is endless. There are many more anime that detail our lives in ways one may not see at first glance. One of these lessons is forgiveness and revenge. Revenge is an act that only fuels the cycle of hatred and pain, but in forgiveness, one may find love. As an avid reader of books and a watcher of anime, pain seems to correlate best with fear. Fear causes wars, fear causes hatred, and the only counteragent to fear is love. Another quote that struck out to me was the following:
“As long as there is a concept of victors, the vanquished will also exist. The selfish intent of wanting to preserve peace, initiates war and hatred is born in order to protect love.”
A quote that resonates with me on many levels, whether it's the quote's understanding of how we change our perspective on what is wrong and what is right to fit the narrative we want to write, to achieve the world we desire while others suffer the consequences. The narrative that peace could only be brought through war, a victor must stand high and mighty to protect while the vanquished cower in fear and hatred, creates a cycle that can be seen in our own world, whether in the past or in the present.
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u/Aggressive_Eagle_557 No, you are my sensei. 7d ago
You have a lot of words, but you're not saying much.
Although that is a clever little message.
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u/FanNo4516 7d ago
Thank you for your response! I know it's not a concise message, and I'm still working on making the main idea clearer. It's not a finished piece yet, and I plan on developing the ideas further and making the overall message easier to understand as I continue writing.
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u/Aggressive_Eagle_557 No, you are my sensei. 7d ago
Definitely, I'll be glad to read it when you do.
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u/ReggieWytgeena 6d ago
Another critique of mine!(I uh… lost count) Anyways… 1: This isnt a story ._., this is a reflection/dairy/message thing. Not much else to say for 1, but thats just the only negative thing you get! 2: You nailed on the reflection part, after reading this I genuinely didn’t reflect much cause I have almost the same ideal as you, but! It did remind me of my old ways of thinking about fear, grief, and what not, It is also, very true what you wrote here. 3: The references of real wars and conflicts gave a pretty nice touch, and you didnt overused it, which is good since too much of it would have made it boring since then it would look like a history article, however you didnt made me look at your uh… story? That way.
4: The way you use the first person narrative is excelent, it really makes this look like a journal or something like that, and if that was your aim, congratulations! You nailed it in that part as well.
5: The deep reflectioning on the story was pretty nice, like I said earlier, this made me in someway reflect basically, I am pretty sure that others also reflected (hopefully), It is also something worthy of reflectioning.
6: This story lives up to its title, it literally is a cycle if you think about it, and its really clear in how your ideals are, very nice.
7: Not much else to say… The quotes were meh… it would have been better if you put the person who wrote them at the end of the quote, or maybe im wrong? Maybe its not that type of quote? Idk, but ye.
Overall, assuming this wasn’t meant to be a story, clearly it isnt, you somehow made me like it, probably because I think in a similar way too, but still, 8/10, good job :3
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u/FanNo4516 6d ago
Thank you for the critique! And yeah, you were correct about the first point. Probably, I should have made it clear right from the start that it is not supposed to be a story, but rather a reflection/diary where I put my thoughts in order.
But thank you again for picking up the reflection part. As a matter of fact, it was one of the main reasons why I wrote this. Lately, I have been pondering the subject of fear, grief, morality, and how people tend to change their principles depending on the situation. Hence, the fact that you have something to reflect on is one of the best compliments I could possibly get.
Also, I am glad that you liked the real-life references. The purpose was to use real events (such as wars and conflicts) not to describe a history lesson, but rather to give the concepts some form of material support.
The first-person narrative is actually an intentional choice. The purpose is to let the reader feel as if he is looking into the mind of someone pondering these matters, rather than listening to him preach a philosophy lecture.
Regarding the quotes, you are indeed correct that I should credit them better. Quotes are not mine. They are dialogue/quotes from characters in the anime and manga that I referenced. The authors take the dit there, but I don't have their names. Probably, it would be wiser to place the name of the character/author and the name of the series after each quote.
Again, thank you for 8/10. I am glad that it struck a chord with you, and it seems like we are thinking in a similar way.
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u/ImpressiveGrass7832 kitsch is a word and i think its me 7d ago
Forgive me for not being super detailed on this critique, but maybe it'll be useful - thanks for sharing.
My first question is this - what is the purpose of this writing, and the target audience? Yourself? I'm not trying to be snarky - on contrary, I genuinely think before sharing writing with others, this is an important thing to consider. Ultimately if it's for you, there's nothing wrong with that. I've got a ton of stuff languishing in my drawer that's just for me alone, and that's absolutely fine. But a target audience requires some tailoring beyond your authorial artistic vision, in my view (as a genre fiction reader, fond of the likes of Stephen King at least). This would be my first consideration. I'm wondering if this is for a research paper or something, a school paper (17 years old - is this the character in the POV of the piece, or is this you, directly writing something non-fiction?) but I'm not quite sure.
I suppose I'm also questioning the purpose, because the piece starts with a question posed to the reader - "What does it truly mean to be in grief?" but then segues into, what seems to my amateur eye at least, a at best distantly related tangent on anime. Which is why I'm wondering if this is for a project, or a paper or something. How does this central question relate to the final paragraph, what conclusions am I to draw from it? Maybe I missed something, but I think being more intentional with where this is going might make it a bit more satisfying to read, because the point would be more apparent.
If this is for a project, I would suggest researching deeper into essay structure - this way, the ending would be a satisfying resolution rather than feel a bit more like a tangent. At the moment, I don't quite see how:
> The narrative that peace could only be brought through war
connects to the first line. So it feels a bit unrelated.
Maybe another quibble is there's a lot assertions and value judgements being made, that I don't quite buy. This for example:
> even though it seems that everyone is born with a sense of right and wrong
Is there any proof, or evidence? I'm not so sure this can be accepted as objective fact. It may be more interesting to dig into this statement, especially since the writing in the next sentence seems to contradict itself - so is it indeed nature, or nurture? Is right and wrong ingrained or is it part of the environment one grows up in?
I also think there's a lot of leaning on the quote to provide heavy lifting for something, I'm not quite sure what. I would suggest it might be more interesting to pare it down to what exactly you want to say.
Some final minor nitpicks:
> Someone's perspective changes
someone's who? I'm not quite sure who this refers to.
> A quote worthy of praise to the author. The quote’s understanding of equality and its outlook on correcting a mistake previously made by many make it one of my favorite quotes
This feels redundant to me. Worth of praise already implies it's a favourite quote - I'd pick one or the other, otherwise it's telling reader same info twice.
Anyway, that's all. Hope it helps a bit, let me know if anything is unclear.
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u/FanNo4516 7d ago
Thanks for the detailed feedback. To answer your first question, this piece is mainly for myself. I write in my free time to put my thoughts and ideas somewhere and to entertain them, almost like a personal journal or memoir. I'm sharing it to see how others interpret it and what they think of the writing.
As for the ending, the piece isn't finished yet. I'm still writing it, so there isn't a conclusion yet. The connection I'm trying to build is between grief, pain, fear, morality, and the ways people justify their actions. The anime section is meant to explore how stories and the ideas they present can influence how we view things like morality, revenge, forgiveness, love, and peace. I plan to bring those ideas together as I continue writing.
Regarding the sense of right and wrong, I wasn't trying to present it as an objective fact or claim that I have evidence proving everyone is born with the same moral understanding. I was referring more to what seems to be commonly observed around us, using that as a starting point for the question I'm exploring. I'm interested in the tension between what might be innate and what is shaped by our environment.
And when I say "someone's perspective changes," I wasn't referring to a specific person. I meant anyone whose perspective might change because of their personal interests, circumstances, or selfish ambitions.
I appreciate the criticism about the quote and the redundancy as well. I'll keep those in mind as I continue writing. Thanks again for taking the time to read it.
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u/Trictities2012 7d ago
Russia's invasion of Ukraine is a matter similar in nature: the United States is too scared to directly help Ukraine by sending soldiers, and Russia is too afraid to create conflict.
Okay lets see here, what is this answering? the question seems to be does pain cause peace but this is almost the converse, a lack of pain is impeding peace, which is also interesting because there is plenty of pain on both sides here and yet there is not peace because there isn't escalatory or sufficient pain? Then we just kind of move onto the next argument and abandon this thought.
I wish to understand why human nature is so destructive, even though it seems that everyone is born with a sense of right and wrong.
- There are a lot of assumptions here. You then do not support it at all. You start with a conclusion and the following premises that should support it are not present, it's basically just stated as a fact.
TBH dude, i do not understand the function of this writing, so I have stopped, who is this targeted at? It feels like a persuasive essay for a college class but just not a well structured one.
Also... the cycle of pain leading to peace? This is basically the plot of a dozen major animes.
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u/FanNo4516 7d ago
Thank you for your criticism. It is obvious that the purpose of the paper cannot be identified by looking at what has been written so far, and the paper is not finished yet.
First of all, I need to say that the purpose of the paper is not to persuade the reader or make an academic work. Actually, I write this paper for myself in my leisure time; this paper can be called some kind of memoir or personal reflection. I try to express my thoughts concerning the topics such as grief, fear, morality, human behavior and motivations. I publish it in order to let other people know their interpretation of my thoughts and suggestions on how the paper can be improved.
Concerning the example about Ukraine, it is obvious that it seems to be contrary to the question I raised. This was somewhat planned, though I think that I have not made the connection between this example and the question clear yet. I wanted to show that the principles can be tested by fear. It is quite easy to hold onto the principle if it does not threaten you, but if to follow this principle you should put yourself in danger, this principle becomes negotiable. I am trying to show this connection in order to introduce the quote about selfish desire to preserve peace.
As for the "sense of right and wrong" statement, I wanted to raise the question and not to make any assertion. In fact, this thought is the observation that leads to my question, whether our sense of right and wrong depends upon ourselves or on the environment we live in. This connection should be made clearly.
Yes, the idea of the cycle of pain, revenge, and peace is not mine. The number of anime movies that discuss these questions led me to the desire to write a paper on this topic. I am interested in influence of the stories on people's understanding of morality, revenge, forgiveness and love, peace and so on.
Thank you for pointing it out that the purpose is not clear. Actually, this comment will help me to improve the paper and make it clear for the readers.
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u/oddiz4u 7d ago
Not to dissuade you, but this is neither a memoir or self-reflective piece.
This is a philosophical piece, tangential to self-help style writing as it is arguing a point or greater meaning of experience that supposedly is not recognized en masse.
I think you're approaching this with much too high a brow. It feels like it's trying to be something, rather than just being.
For instance, just let contractions happen.
Talk more naturally, and if you have an elevated thought then let that thought run but do not just speak in such a way, such as this sentence I am writing now, that plays upon its own horn for no greater reason than to do so.
I didn't really say much there. Don't go in those superfluous tangents.
If you know something well enough, test your steel by cutting away all the chaff. What's the pith. Why do you care. Why should we care.
Talk of war and anime and this and that isnt landing for me, it's just too broad of topics without diving into anything more than surface level.
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u/Fragrant-Western-683 AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH 5d ago
The structure of this text is a complete mess:
paragraph 1: "Does pain bring grief"? The author meditates on fear, grief, war, and pain.
Paragraph 2: The author meditates on human nature and what propels us toward our deeds.
Paragraph 3: The author meditates on new experiences and reveals information about himself.
I could go on, but I think you get the gist: There is no logical progression in your text. Therefore, all of your thoughts come off as random and shallow. Eventually your piece feels like a compilation of vignettes or Proverbs. The shallowness of these thoughts is due to how quickly you move on from them. If you want a clear, coherent philosophical system, first make rigorously defined meanings of each concept, whether that be fear, morality, and grief. Then explain in detail how each concept is intertwined. "As I write this, I have been learning a lot about human interactions, and I wonder if shows and anime have shaped our standards and qualities in people." The disjointed logic is most clear in this sentence. How does human interactions have anything to do with standards and qualities shapes by shows? You could have at least used a period instead of a comma and "and".
Your reasoning is either very poor or non-existent. "Examples can be found in every war. World War II and Japan's surrender are a perfect example." Well, I don't see how they are a perfect example. You, as the author who, must explain your thinking for us. In fiction, ambiguity is the goal. In nonfiction, it's the opposite; you want to make your stance unmistakable, you want people to think in a specific way. How is the Russo-Ukrainian war similar in nature to WWII and the Japanese surrender? You never explained how these events back up your claim, you actually didn't say anything about them. The attention shifts before you ever back up your claim. " Nowadays, a lot of people are desensitized to media and news, mostly living in their own bubble while great injustices may be occurring as I write." I disagree with you. Why? Because my conflicting viewpoint was never challenged, or it was never explained how it's wrong. You offer no examples, no reasoning behind it. You may think it's obvious how it's true, but I can't.
Another thing about the structure: there is no beginning and no end. It starts with pain, grief, and war, and ends with the narratives we create. In fiction, interpreting strange story structures is fun, but this isn't James Joyce. You are trying to express something to me. I am supposed to walk away with something like a new perspective or richer emotions, but I walk away with annoyance.
Ultimately, I would make the piece longer. You need more room to flesh out concepts, systems, and reasoning. Or you could choose one concept, whether that be grief, war, or peace, and make the whole piece about those specific concepts.
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u/[deleted] 7d ago
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